Confessions of a Media Ho

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC

Wow. As a final slap, Greenlee bestows her shares of Fusion upon Babe, of all the least likely candidates. A Kendall/Babe pairing is reminiscent of the old Erica/Hayley or Erica/Greenlee pairings at Enchantment, so that part makes absolute sense. This should provide some lively action, not to mention hurled insults. Interesting, too, are the Fusion ads that sometimes run before the next day's previews are shown. As mentioned before, there's Amanda, whooping it up with Fusion gals Kendall, Simone and Dani, filmed before the audience knew that Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig was not renewing her contract. Hmm. Guess there's been some major script changes/character directions since then, as Amanda is Josh's new assistant at "New Beginnings," and it's Babe with her foot and other assets in the door at Fusion (Kendall: "Plastic or silicone?" Love it!).

While I'm on that subject, how do you think LaKane will react to Josh's new hire? She hated Amanda's Aunt Natalie, but I don't recall any major Erica/Janet conflicts. If anyone out there is clutching their heart and remembering past feuds, please recover quickly and send me an e-mail. Sometimes the ol' memory needs a wake up call!

Since when has Brooke become the sole caregiver to that rotten little drunk-in-training, Sam Grey? Was it not MARTINS he wanted to live with, to get in touch with his BLOOD family? Brooke is technically an ex-Martin, but, hey, it gets her on the canvas, and that's more important to me. (Especially since Julia "Brooke" Barr has let it be known that she'll be sticking around Pine Valley for another year or so.) Sam's history as of December 20th, and I am looking forward to that day, particularly since TPTB will be doing a real tapdance to thoroughly destroy the boy and send him out of the Valley, tail between his legs. They started real quick on Wednesday, with Brooke telling Julia that he's been drinking up a storm for the past two weeks, complete with beer cans strewn about his bedroom and drunken joyrides in her car. To this I say: WTF? Brooke, would you have let Jamie carry on like this for so long? I don't think so. As I recall, you slapped him silly after his drunken tirade in public against Adam, and he deserved it. Yet underage Sam can go on a two week drunk and you're only NOW informing Aunt Hoolia? Weird, given Brooke's history with alcoholics. Follow me here (as I redeem my occasional memory lapses): Brooke was married to an alcoholic (Tom), later married an alcohol abuser (that would be Adam), and lost a daughter to a drunken driver. Her son briefly abused alcohol as a teen (yet no major punishment was meted out), her stepson (JR) had a drug problem and has been known to overdo it with the booze. Dear Aunt Phoebe sometimes raided the sherry bottle a bit too often. The fiance Brooke shot and killed, Jim, liked to take nude pictures of young girls, including her adopted daughter, Laura. Okay, that last one doesn't fit the alcoholic pattern I'm establishing here, but you get the picture. Brooke has been surrounded by people who have drinking or anti-societal problems. Is she the Great Enabler? I'm not really sure, but there has to be a reason why she attracts these people.  Let's see how Brooke's return to the AMC storytelling canvas plays out.

Now that Rebecca Budig is out on the West Coast, she's getting some attention from one of my favorite gossip columnists, E! Online's Ted Casablanca, who writes "The Awful Truth" every weekday. He actually gave us a trifecta of former AMC stars in his column on Monday, starting off with a conversation with Josh (Danny, "Las Vegas;" ex-Leo, AMC). Here's Ted: "We were yappin', when his former onscreen ex-wife, Rebecca Budig, lashed out at him, all cheeky: 'Josh, can't you get some new f-cking clothes already? You wore that every day in New York!' These two yucked it up on All My Children, see." Ted went on to ask Josh one of his trademark, eyebrow-raising questions: "'Who would you do over 40?' I asked because I could. Now, this one made J.D. scrunch those dark-blond eyebrows. Rebecca-babe popped out her answer right away: 'Steven Tyler.' Brilliant! And while Josh was still searching his noggin for AARP lust waves, she answered for him, 'Josh, why don't you say Finola Hughes?' Joshy-cakes blushed some more and brought it down to a whisper. 'I don't know, you know, how old she is. I'm just gonna leave this one alone.' Finola, meanwhile, actually is in the over-fortay crowd, but I love a polite dude, don't you?"

That same column: "Rebecca and her hub-unit, Bob Guiney, couldn't have been more fun. Dollface Michelle Trachtenberg was jolly too, telling me about how being famous is hard because, 'You get coffee on a bad-hair day, and suddenly it's, like, on film.' Oh, honey, I know."

MEMORY REDEMPTION! Y'all remember where Michelle Trachtenberg got her first break, dontcha? She was the original Lily on AMC! Zero degrees of separation from Duhamel and Budig!

Later in the week, Casablanca spotted Budig again: "Rebecca Budig and Bob Guiney, doing egg whites and yappin' their brains out. Eat Well. WeHo. Okay, so The Bachelor duo also had fruit and toast, but do you need to know that? Rebecca-babe ate like a damn horse and made zero suspicious trips to the powder room. Impressive!" (WeHo, BTW, translates to West Hollywood in Tedspeak.)

Here's another blast from the past for ya. Monday's episode of Las Vegas was directed by Robert Duncan McNeill. Sound familiar? Well, he played the first teenaged Charlie Brent on AMC, rival of Nico (Maurice Benard) for the love of Julie Chandler (Lauren Holly)! Since leaving the show in 1988, he's acted (most notably in Star Trek: Voyager) and done a fair amount of directing, including other episodes of Las Vegas and one of Desperate Housewives.

GH
Dr. Patrick Drake is quite the little dreamboat, yet as cocky and arrogant as his father, Noah, once was. Great casting -- he even resembles the young Dr. Noah Drake. And didn't he enter the hospital with (ahem) a bang?!? VERY promising character, especially with all the glorious past his presence will evoke. More airtime for the hospital vets, too. Always a good thing!

Georgie's helping cousin Lucas with the difficult task of coming out to his family, though she's going along with his plan to delay it until after the holidays. Have you noticed that Lucas and Dillon seem to be using the same hair gel? Just askin'.

Previews show Manny Ruiz, the man who will not die, invading GH's operating room as Jason's surgery is being performed. Sonny draws a gun. My question: how the hell do armed thugs get into an OR? Do they have to scrub up first? Remind me never to have surgery at GH!

Speaking of Manny, GHH2 says, "A eerily familiar incident early next year brings Emily and Sonny much closer together, while pushing Nik and Em further apart." Let's speculate. Manny, obviously still alive. Rumors abound of a sexual attack on Sam (I don't believe the times he's been thwarted in the past count; this is new stuff). Emily and Sonny first truly bonded when she opened up to him about Connor raping her. What else could GHH2 be referring to?

Also regarding Sam, GHH2 had this tidbit: "Expect Sam's exploration of her past to impact several PC citizens, as well as her relationship with Jason. This will be a major storyline." Please, on all that is holy, do NOT make her a twin again, least of all to Robin Scorpio! I'd much rather see a Cassadine connection. (And my plea to not make her a twin is not because Kelly "Sam" Monaco isn't up to the job; she's proven her talent at that before, except, perhaps, that ridiculous Sam/Ali dancing piece of crap -- it's just that the whole twin thing has been done TOO many times. Enough already!)

GHH2 also drops a hint about Nik's reluctance to be a father. "We will see his fears revisited as the Cassadine Prince finds himself battling a demon of his own." Well, Nik must have "father issues," considering the Stavros/Stefan "who's your daddy/uncle" storyline. Is history repeating itself? Did someone mess with Courtney's paternity test? Highly likely, especially since The Wubqueen (www.wubs.net) reports "Courtney has another paternity test -- guess who the father is not!" and "Helena Cassadine comes back to town and she's not leaving until she has what she came for!" Put it all together and it spells bad news for Courtney. Helena doesn't regard her as the ideal brood mare for the next Cassadine heir (shades of the whole Charles/Camilla/Diana mess all those years ago in Jolly Olde England, no?). Therefore, it would make sense that Helena tampered with the paternity test and had Jax turn out to be the daddy. Also, given that Alicia Leigh "Courtney" Willis is leaving the show, a trademark Helena kidnapping is not out of the realm of possibilities. If there's a Cassadine fetus involved, even more motivation.

Alexis is looking great with her new 'do and renewed banter with Ric. Making the Christmas tree hunt/post-hunt lovemaking a traditional event? You go, girl! It was fun to see Luke interacting with his Natasha again, especially when he purposely drove her nuts by giving lots of candy to NuKristina. More, please!

Apologies in advance, but there's no way I can let this go unmentioned any longer. Those promos for Robin's blog? "Read 'Robin's Daily Dose?'" I confess: each and every time I see that, I silently end that recommendation with "..of the clap."

 Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC
Well, Greenlee has taken her leave of Pine Valley, in a much more low-key way than this sequence of events began. Now that she's driven off into the night, without so much as a farewell to her family and remaining (Fusion) friends, how do you think they'll react? Jack won't be pleased, to put it mildly. Erica is more concerned with Kendall, and, of course, with Erica, and is busy hiring Tad to find out Dr. Madden's obviously hidden and nefarious connection to, you guessed it, Erica. According to SoapZone's Carol Banks Weber, Cameron "Ryan" Matheson was himself so upset with the abrupt departure of Greenlee, that he had discussions with EP Julie Hanan Carruthers, who appears to have given her blessing to some future appearances by Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig in order to resolve things more neatly. Budig, too, is amenable to guesting.

Speaking of Budig, Wubs.net reports that she had read for the part of GH's Courtney. (From all accounts, I was in error when I jumped on the bandwagon that announced the casting of PC's Erin "Alison" Hershey Presley, to which I say, "Whoopsie!") I don't understand this. Budig was rumored to have read for the rumored recasting of GH's Sarah Webber, a character they should really just tie the can to already, as they've never had much success with this one. Now Courtney? Can anyone grab Budig by the shoulders and scream, "A STEP DOWN IS RARELY A GOOD CAREER MOVE?" Anyone? Please?

Let's all gang up on Kendall! Though subbing her own egg for Greenlee's destroyed ova was one of the most selfless things the girl has ever done, she's being treated like the pariah she once was. Alicia "Kendall" Minishew gave one of her finest performances while pouring out her heart about what she did for love (and take THAT, Ryan, you selfish death-faking bastard). Wonderful job. (EMMY REEL?) Kendall's going to be busy for the next couple of weeks as most of Pine Valley dumps on her, but as Eden Riegel will be reprising her role as Saint Bianca for a few weeks, supposedly to help get Kendall through this and also celebrate the holidays with her family and baby Miranda, she'll have a reprieve of sorts. (Speaking of which, wasn't it great when Zach asked Jackson how he planned to treat Kendall's baby, loving it no matter who the father was or how the baby was conceived? Good one!)

Josh is out to expose daddy Greg's biggest secret of all, the one involving Erica. Warning: things can come back to bite you in the butt! Especially when you keep in mind how Josh The Miracle Baby saved his suicidal "mother's" life simply by being born, and was Doctor Daddy's greatest triumph. Hmm. Can anyone say foreshadowing?

So, is Amanda the Chandler Thanksgiving soup poisoner? I wouldn't put money on it, especially as Janet has been shown "talking" to Trevor about their poor widdle girl and all her troubles. It was never established exactly WHERE Janet was during this "conversation." Could've been Pine Valley. We never did see her get on a plane and leave, did we? That also leaves some room for her to have been the one who pushed Babe down the hospital stairs. Oh, that Janet, sly as ever!

Hadn't seen Erica's penthouse in a dog's age -- does she keep it for the occasional "Jack, I know your apartment pops out another bedroom whenever you have to shelter yet another one of your 'kids,' but sometimes I need my own space to brood over Dr. Madden's evil connection to me?" Or, perhaps, for the chance to get away from said kids so she and Jack can boink like little bunnies?

The Pine Valley Bulletin reports that Bobby "Sam Grey" Steggert has been let go. Nothing further is known at this point. I can't exactly say I'm surprised, as the only place Sam had to go once his mother and sister left was a relationship with Lily (or the death of Jonathan Lavery to avenge his dad). With aunts Anita and Hoolia around, you'd think he had a chance of SOME storyline, but they've been fairly dormant of late. What will Lily do for love now? Don't look at Aiden, as it appears he's going to be torn between Anita and Erin.

GH
I'm loving that SORAS-ed Lulu Spencer, played so convincingly by newbie Julie Marie Berman. Not only does she ably hold her own with seasoned pros like Tony Geary and Jane Elliot, she often out-snarks them. Here's a problem, though: since soaps are supposed to be about "love in the afternoon," who the heck will they pair her up with? Well, if they can manage to keep him out of jail, I'd like to see her with Diego.

Ah, Diego. You pendejo, you. First you do all sorts of rotten things to avenge a cousin you never met (and also, as it turns out, to get daddy's attention), then you pull a dumb-ass stunt like robbing Kelly's and taking the Police Commissioner's daughter hostage. It will be interesting to see if things turn around for him, but only if they then pair him up with Lulu!

Carly Babes, having overheard Sonny tell Jason he's done with her (how many times have I warned Carly and her offspring about eavesdropping?), and about to divorce Alcazar, is without a man. Who could HER next partner be? Jax, perhaps?

They finally cast a Carly who is more age-appropriate for Sonny than those who came before her, and, BAM, he's sucking face with Emily (well, in her dreams, anyway). How conVENient.

CARPOOL GUY
Corbin "Durant" Bernsen's labor of love, the film "Carpool Guy," was shown on SoapNet Thanksgiving evening. With a cast made up nearly 100 percent by soap actors (and most of those from either GH or Y&R) -- casting by award-winning GH casting director Mark Teschner -- and a quirky script, it's the first step in Bernsen's master plan, to tap the wealth of talented actors from the world of soaps. "Carpool Guy" was made precisely for this burgeoning soap fan base, and Bernsen plans to continue to mine this base, working on other projects using this formula. SoapNet opened and closed each segment of the film with an interstitial, mostly of Bernsen talking about how it all came together, and I found them entertaining as well as informative. He mentioned at one point how they'd throw in little jokes for the soap audience, such as characters reading Soap Opera Weekly or Soap Opera Digest. (One scene had the actors discussing baby names, and the three favorites for baby boys were Tad, Bo and Jason!) And I got a kick out of seeing a nearly-grown Colton James (who got his start playing Neil Kanelos, son of Frank Scanlon and Courtney Kanelos, on PC) playing an assistant to Joel, Rick Hearst's character! The cast worked well together, and Bernsen did a great job as director. More, please!

THE NEW YORK TIMES SITS UP AND TAKES NOTICE!
Yes, hell HAS frozen over! On November 30, the New York Times ran a major article in its arts section, "Prepare the O.R. (and A.A.): Dr. Drake is Back," by Kate Aurthur. Well researched and written, it begins thusly: "When it comes to getting viewers' attention, soap operas have always favored the spectacular over the subtle. And that big-splash approach definitely extends to casting: on Friday's episode of 'General Hospital' on ABC, Rick Springfield will begin to reprise his role as Dr. Noah Drake -- after a 22-year absence from the show. Dr. Drake may not be the flirty heartbreaker he once was, but his return is sure to shake up the series's fictional town, Port Charles."

More quotes: "'We have audience members who remember characters who were here 20 years ago, as well as some that were here five years ago,' said Jill Farren Phelps, executive producer of 'General Hospital.' 'These are their stories, and they go into their living rooms. They feel a kindred association with the characters on the show."

Later in the article, after discussing the return of Kimberly "Robin Scorpio" McCullough, "Ms. Phelps said 'General Hospital' did not have an open-door policy for returning stars; Mr. Springfield and Ms. McCullough are exceptions. 'I don't want to be a day care center for actors who want to stay here for a little while, go out, and then come back,' she said. 'If the writers determine that a character is needed for a story they're telling, then we will look into that,' she continued. 'Because always, the fans will miss anyone who leaves.'"

Well, I'm not so sure about that last statement, Jill, but overall, this article gave me hope. I'd already gained new respect for Phelps after hearing some of her comments about the show at the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend (read Katrina's interview from that weekend!), and I liked much of what she had to say in this forum. It closed with the following: "Demi Moore, John Stamos and Ricky Martin all appeared on 'General Hospital' in the early stages of their careers. If Ms. Phelps could have her way, was there one adored character closely associated with a specific actor that she would bring back to the show? She hesitated and then said, 'In a million years, I would not touch that.'" Brava to both writer Aurthur and the honest and candid Phelps!

I STAND CORRECTED!
After my last column, where I listed the various transgressions of Jasper "Jax" Jacks, I received the following from faithful reader Marie:
"Jax did not have sex with Brenda on his and Skye's wedding night. Brenda showed up at Skye's house. She explained about Luis and the danger Jax was in. Jax gave Brenda the keys to her old cottage and told her to hide out there. He didn't sex or kiss Brenda on his wedding night. Brenda went to hide out at the cottage. Jax went back into the house and made love to his wife, Skye. About a month or so after Brenda returned, Jax found out about Skye's lies regarding Brenda's health. He told Skye their marriage was over. He then went and made love to Brenda. Just an FYI :-)"

I thank you, Marie, for correcting my sometimes-faulty memory (though I still think Jax had Brenda on the brain for the duration of his marriage to Skye)! And you're all encouraged to write in with any commentary or corrections, any time at all...I enjoy hearing from you! See you next week!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho?
A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

(Here's some quick commentary for this week -- I'm out of town, but will be back here with my usual column next week! Promise!)
AMC
Jack's pulled in all his favors, even called the governor, trying to keep Jonathan in jail. I figured the only thing left would be if by some miracle, little sis Kit/Christine had somehow become a high-powered PV judge. No such luck. You got Jack, Jack. Jonathan's freed and immediately becomes the object of someone's target shooting practice. Unfortunately, the shooter needs a LOT more practice. The triumphant, if not shaken, Laverys live to annoy another day.

Haven't you missed hearing Simone laugh? Whether it's her own delightful sound or her Eartha Kitt growl, it's fabulous! More, please!

Di/Dixie as a stripper? Talk about your Thanksgiving turkey! I can't wait to hear the story behind JR's videotape. Maybe she worked at Sonny Corinthos' old strip club! Woo-hoo! Bet Krystle was watching that and thinking, "Huh, I could do better than that...and have!"

Kendall to Ryan: "My first and only priority is taking care of Greenlee's happiness." How strange to hear that, not only because it came out of Kendall, but because it DIDN'T come out of Greenlee!

Speaking of Greens, after she tortured Erica with her additional, unannounced, and unwanted extra guests for Thanksgiving dinner, I was a bit taken aback that she hadn't gone and dolled herself up in Prada or D&G, very glam, so that she could look amazing while dropping the bomb that will impact so many lives. Guess she was going for the "You've all made me so damn miserable that I've been up all night, am wearing what I wore yesterday, and can't do a THING with my hair, but boy, am I gonna make you freakin' miserable NOW." Bombshell dropped, fallout next week.

GH
After Sonny found out that Alcazar took his kids to see Carly, why weren't his first words to Letiticia, "You got some 'splaining to do?" Oh, maybe it was the bad memories of the reason he left AMC and the role of Nico some years back, for his star-making turn (NOT) as Desi Arnaz in "Lucy & Desi: Before The Laughter!" Bet they don't watch many reruns of "I Love Lucy" in the Benard household!

Restraints for Jason? "Let Sam do it." Woo-hoo! A glimpse into the private life of Jason and Sam?

Reese's passing still merits little response from Sonny. As Carly ranted about how Reese was still coming between them, his quick response ("Reese is DEAD." "WHAT?" "I don't want to talk about it."), then abrupt "end of discussion" attitude is really so unfair to the woman who saved his kids and warmed his bed. Then there was the quickest memorial on record for Reese, but at least Ric and Sonny were briefly joined by Emily and Durant. However long they keep her in the opening credits will certainly eat up more time than that pathetic "memorial." Word to the wise, kiddies: don't tick off TPTB, or this could be you.

I see Jax struggling with his dark side again, although (for now) he has yet to team up with Helena. What, Jax, a dark side? Well, when he first came on the show, he tried desperately to woo a married woman (Lois), which should have been our first clue. His ruthlessness is not confined to the boardroom. He's shown his cold, calculating and callous side to many of the women he's romanced since. Dumping Chloe to search for the elusive and still possibly dead Brenda. Boinking returned-from-the-dead Brenda the night of his wedding to Skye. Leaving Brenda at the altar after allowing her to thoroughly embarrass herself by reciting her heartfelt wedding vows. Calling Courtney all sorts of rude names after she left him for Nik (although, perhaps those were deserved, but they sure were nasty). Where do you think Jax will go with this?

Have you noticed more of Brad "Tony Jones" Maule (not to mention Wally "Ned" Kurth) ever since they went off-contract? Wonder what happened to the acting classes Maule was planning to teach in (I believe) Albuquerque, NM?

No scenes of a Quartermaine Thanksgiving? Would no one wear the Reindeer Sweater? I bet Luke would look fetching in it! I miss that family holiday almost as much as the Nurses Ball!

So, Diego WAS the roofie stalker. More on that next week. MUCH more!

Got any hot gossip to share with The Media Ho?

A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!
 

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Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC
It certainly was wonderful to see Kate Collins as "Janet-From-Another-Planet" Dillon, visiting daughter Amanda at the hospital, no? And funny that she had the presence of mind (for once) to show up in disguise as a nurse, albeit in a uniform that dated from at least 30 years back. I'm also loving the historical references, especially when Janet told Amanda that "the last time I was here, I was pregnant with you and had to slip out to do Trevor a little favor." Some little favor -- killing nasty Will Courtlandt (Dixie's bro), who was abusing Trevor's niece, Hayley Vaughan (later Santos)! She thought it would help her win Trevor's heart. Then: "We don't talk about the time I threw your Aunt Natalie down a well!" Oh, man, would I love to see these flashbacks! Not to mention Trevor. He's supposedly in Ireland on business, but, doting husband that he is, he's arranged for Janet to be able to tape all of Amanda's phone calls to her so that she can listen to them again and again. That even creeped out Amanda! Yes, momma Janet is certainly missing her little girl, to the extent that she sets a place for her at the table every night, turns down her bed, and hopes to see her in the morning. Obsessive? Oh, yes! And now that she thinks that Babe's responsible for Amanda's romantic woes, well...somebody better clue in Babe about Will Courtlandt's miserable fate, because Janet's come a-knockin'! (Just as Babe's assuring Krystal that she's not about to become some wacko psycho, guess who's ringing her doorbell? Timing is everything!)

Speaking of timing being everything, James "Trevor" Kiberd had reportedly left AMC due to a salary dispute. Time to revisit this? Kate Collins' return is said to be very short term, but who's to say that TPTB can't change that? Also, what about Keith Hamilton "Noah" Cobb? Let's do SOMETHING to make Julia interesting again! You're losing Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig (and, quite possibly, Julia "Brooke" Barr), so loosen those pursestrings and bring back some fan favorites. Pronto!

My colleague, the fabulous Kate Brown ("AMC Spoilers and Commentary," EOS), has already posted what I'm hoping will happen with Jonathan Lavery: that he's faking everyone out, a la Ed Norton's Aaron/Roy in "Primal Fear." Like Kate, I'm watching Jonathan closely, hoping that his speech patterns will revert to normal, and he'll never say "K.O." for O.K." again! Maybe the transformation could also reference Kevin Spacey in "The Usual Suspects," as he morphed from weirdo Verbal Kint into evil Keyser Soze! So many possibilities. By this time, Greenlee's exit has been scripted and shot, and rumors abound that she reverts to her original form (spoiled, selfish rich bitch) as she departs Pine Valley. Perhaps it's over this big secret Kendall is keeping about the paternity OR maternity of the baby she's carrying, or over the fact that she lied to Kendall about Zach's hospital visit. Or maybe...just maybe...she gets all huffy and stamps her little Jimmy Choos all over Ryan's back when she learns that Jonathan's been released from jail -- or when EvilJonathan appears and taunts her. There's only a few days left of November sweeps, considering that no original daytime programming will be shown on Thanksgiving Day (or the following day), so whatever's going to happen will happen FAST.

GH
While we're on the subject of fast moving things, wasn't Reese's death scene quite possibly the quickest EVER on daytime television? One moment she's telling Sonny that Carly's the luckiest woman in the world, he turns to see the paramedics arrive, and, whoosh, she's dead. The mourning process didn't take much longer. Sonny moved on rather abruptly, Ric had a semi-emotional scene with Reese's body, but Emily, who didn't care much for the late FBI agent, has been the most angst-filled of all, continuing her grief with a visit to Reese's body in the morgue. Her failure to more clearly diagnose Reese's injury (collapsed lung due to broken rib; the poor thing suffocated) is making her doubt her chosen career path, although all around her keep insisting that as a mere medical student, she's not responsible. Rumor has it that she will be having sessions with Dr. Lainey Winters about her self-doubt and guilt. (Hey, anything that brings us more solidly into hospital-related stories is fine by me. The show's official name is NOT "General Mobsters," no matter what the storylines might have you think!)

Speaking of rumors, for months various speculations had run rampant about Reese, some saying that she had a connection to the Ruiz family (being from Florida and all), some saying that she'd go to the dark side and ally herself with Manny, the latest being that she'd actually set off Manny's bomb detonator, either purposefully or accidentally, with her dead hand falling on the button. Wrong, wrong, wrong. In the end, it was simply the gurney carrying Reese's dead body that ran over the transmitter and set off the last bombs that have Jason buried somewhere in the mountain. To add insult to Reese's final injury, GHFF reports that Ric sets up a memorial service for Reese and only Ric and Sonny attend. Talk about character assassination.

On the priceless front, how about that Luke, explaining to Mac, Robin and Sam how he could save Jason by blowing up the mountain? Recounting how he once did that to save Robert Scorpio's butt, "and he lived to annoy another day!" Then, teamed up with Justus, whom he felt compelled to remind of his own dark past, belting someone from behind with a baseball bat (dating back to the fire at Ward House), then later ignoring his legal oaths to carry on with a beautiful blond moll/psycho kidnapper (Faith). Even the wonderful Mary Mae Ward, Justus' grandmother, was referenced! Keep it up, writers!

With Alicia Leigh "Courtney" Willis leaving, it has been reported that Courtney "disappears" -- my money is on Helena. Then, NuCourtney, actress Erin (Alison Barrington Kovich, "PC") Hershey Presley, returns to town. Still pregnant?

Tyler "Nikolas" Christopher has, IRL, broken his arm and his role will be temporarily re-cast until he's healed. I have two theories about this. The first: he had cousin Derk "Max" Cheetwood jump up and down on it until it snapped, making him unable to attend "Super Soap Weekend." The second: Brian (Jack Ramsey, "PC") Presley, having heard of Christopher's actual and rumored co-star conquests, wanted to get the message across to "stay away from my wife." (Remember, these are only MY theories!)

Wasn't it nice to see FauxFlea (Felicia) show up at the crash site and then again at GH? And nice that Robin recognized her? Maxie, too! They even bonded a bit over Mac's tendency to overprotect his girrrrrllls. Perhaps Robin will be involved somehow in the denouement of the stalker story, which should be coming up soon.

On another, related, front, more "GH" alumni have been spotted on ABC's primetime hit, "Desperate Housewives." Linda "Rae Cummings" Dano is George's mom and Maree "Aunt Charlene" Cheatham is her good friend and real estate agent. According to the Wubqueen (Wubs.net), another, rather famous "GH" alumnus will show up on Wisteria Lane to extend the Solis family. That would be Gabrielle and Carlos. Hmmm. Which famous alumnus does Gabrielle, played by Eva Longeria (ex-faux-Brenda, "GH"),  most resemble?

OLTL
By Katrina Rasbold

Rumors have been flying about that Tea Delgado might be making a return to OLTL, but there is no indication that this is true.  One return we can expect is that of Loyita Chapel (Blaize/Dallas), who will be visiting on December 19th.  Chapel is the real life wife of Robert S. Woods (Bo Buchanan) and has made a few appearances as Clint's girlfriend.  With rumors afoot of a Viki and Clint romantic reunion, what will become of Dallas?

OLTL returned to the true roots of soap opera cliffhanger yesterday by delivering a power packed final fifteen, straddling between Blair's interrogation of Todd (did he or didn't he?) and the revelation to Natalie that 1) Her husband really is alive and 2) is in grave danger in the middle of a jailbreak and 3) so is her boyfriend.  That's a lot for one little red-haired noodle to take in around the hustle and bustle of a prison riot, not to mention having it screamed at you by your archiest of archenemies.  To end the day's offerings with a gunshot was brilliant and absolutely classic.

Expect more of the gritty and unflinching from One Life as they move forward into some sticky territory as the reason why Jessica created Tess is revealed.  Gossip says that Niki Smith was not just negligent in her care of young Jessica, resulting in a molestation, but was actually an instigator who encouraged the event.  Dealing with this information coming forward will send both Jessica and Viki reeling.  Head Writer, Dena Higley, assures us that it will take them to a "dark and edgy place."  Bridging from Margaret and her baby's death to this taboo subject is only the latest example of OLTL's dedication to "real life" horror and drama rather than creating unrealistic drama that is focused more on cinematic value than true life grittiness. 

Don't count Nash down for the count in the rush for Tessica's affections in the aftermath of the re-integration. 

Did you know that Heather Tom (Kelly) won her first Daytime Emmy Award at the age of 16 for her portrayal of Victoria Newman on Y&R?  She became the most nominated person in that category with a total of 8 nominations (and two wins - 1993 & 1999) by the time she left the role in 2003.  She co-produced a revival of Neil Simon's "Biloxi Blues," also playing the role of Daisy.  The revival won 5 Dramalogue Awards and was extremely successful.  She is fluent in sign language and is also an accomplished ballet dancer.  She is extremely active in politics and in charity work, specifically with AIDS patients.  And you may have thought she was just the chick who mispronounced William DeVry's name at the 31st Annual Daytime Emmy Awards!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho?
A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!
 

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Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC
Right now, I'm most interested in the various ramifications that may occur due to the Amanda/JR/Babe car accident. JR thinks (well, whatever you call what he's doing with that half-ossified brain of his) that Babe took the rap for him because she wants more time with "Little A." Then there's Jamie, who remembers that Babe is an excellent driver and could not have possibly been the person behind the wheel. Unless, of course, she ran Amanda down out of sheer hatred and jealousy. Amanda's not talking, but what was she doing in that area, especially after having just threatened Babe with a chainsaw of sorts? Not to drag even more people into this, but there's also the fire at the bar to consider. How convenient that, after Babe and Amanda had their knock-down, drag-out catfight in the "under-construction" second story of the Roadside Cafe (or whatever they're calling that dive these days) and before Greenlee and Kendall decided to take their act upstairs, someone mysteriously knocked over a space heater into a pile of wood shavings, sparking the fire. Uh, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, at the Wildwind stables, and guess what? The person responsible for that fire, the owner of that M.O. (Modus Operandi) would be (drum roll)...Jonathan Lavery! And he was gone missing at that time, wasn't he? Of course that means he didn't do it. So...does that point to jealous/evil/slightly deranged/momma's girl Amanda? It may. Especially when you recall how she reacted when Babe called her all kinds of rude things related to her mental state. Plus, there's the whole exposure of Amanda's nefarious doping and marriage plans for Jamie, courtesy of Babe. 

However, if ever there was a "right place, right time" moment for Amanda, playing speed bump under JR's fancy tires could be the one. Not only will she be able to throw herself a massive pity party, but there's the potential for blackmail if she figures out JR was behind the wheel. Even Jamie's showing a bit of compassion for her. Then, of course, there's dear ol' mom, Janet-From-Another-Planet, who is certain to come running to Pine Valley and her little planeteer's side. And Janet REALLY gets off on avenging her loved ones. 

While on the topic of those who get off on avenging their loved ones, exactly how do you think Jackson is going to react when he learns that his daughter and stepdaughter (albeit carrying evil Lavery spawn) were trapped in a fire...and rescued by Ryan? Why, I bet he'll accuse Ryan of setting the fire so he could play the hero! Next: Jonathan. He's not dead, and he scared Jackson's other daughter, Lily. Ooh. Not looking good for the Lavery brothers. (Jonathan also made Erica a tad nervous when she found him in Ryan's penthouse, but that may be overlooked, especially since she dared call Ryan to let him know where Jonathan was, rather than call Jack so he could come over and beat the living crap out of him. Priorities, you know.)

GH
Have you ever heard Elvis Presley's haunting, early version of "Mystery Train?" If not, follow these directions: go to Amazon.com, then music. Search for Elvis Presley. Go to "Complete 50s Masters," click on Disc One, Track 16 (Mystery Train) and you'll hear about 30 seconds (better still, buy and listen to the entire song). I'm setting a mood here, and will now provide you with the song lyrics so you can see what I'm leading up to.

Mystery Train
Train I ride
Sixteen coaches long
Train I ride
Sixteen coaches long
Well that long black train's got my baby and gone

Train, train
Comin' round the bend
Train, train
Comin' round, round the bend
Well it took my baby, but it never will again

Train, train
Comin' down, down the line
Train, train
Comin' down, down the line
Well it's bringing my baby, 'cos she's mine all mine,
All mine, all mine

Train, train
Comin' round the bend
Train, train
Comin' round, round the bend
Well it took my baby, but it never will again

Okay. Now, imagine a bleak music video, using the GH train wreck as background. Elvis singing "Mystery Train" as various characters are shown for the appropriate verse, having lost their baby or their "baby." This train wreck certainly did "take" and "bring" various babies. Read the lyrics again, then assign one of the following pairs (or sets) to each verse: Ric & Alexis/baby; Liz/Lucky; Sonny/Reese; Sonny and/or Alcazar/Carly; and so forth. Poignant, no?

Soap Zone's Carol Banks Weber speculates that Robin and Sam may be twins, and that's why Finola Hughes may return, to do some 'splaining. Interesting, but I'd prefer it not happen, for many reasons, and not just the "eww" factor that would mean that Jason's been in the middle of a Scorpio sandwich of sorts. Austin Powers may be turned on by the idea of doing twins, but I'm not. Also, hasn't Kelly Monaco played twins enough for one lifetime? And didja notice that on the train ride to Port Chuckles, Robin's hair tone suddenly turned lighter, more of a chocolate brown than her previous darker color (same as Kelly Monaco's)?

A couple of observations....the first one's late, but didn't you love how Elizabeth got a pearl necklace to wear on her wedding day? Not the first, probably not the last. I love tradition!

The scenes between Tracy and LuLu are sparking and I hope to see more of this. Nasty stepdaughter making life miserable for Tracy would be major payback!

There's more hospital in GH's future, what with the return of Robin, Dr. Noah Drake, and two new characters, both doctors. Oh, and here's some more info on these new doctors: one may be some competition for Justus regarding Lainie's affections, and the other may bring back memories of Dr. Yank Chung and Jade (Tia Carrere) Soong, from the days when Port Charles had an Asian Quarter. Along with more hospital, we'll be getting more diversity, both greatly appreciated.

Still waiting on the big reveal about the health status of Ric and Alexis' baby, and am sure hoping it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Robin delivered her. (Yes, her.)

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

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Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC
Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig's posting on her official website, RebeccaBudig.org, was very sweet, thanking all for their love and support these last six years, but noting that it is time to seek out "other challenges." Where those greener pastures may lie was not revealed. She's been doing a program on the WE network (Women's Entertainment), "Full Frontal Fashion," and even has a book out based on the show. There are no upcoming projects listed on imdb.com (a fabulous source for information about actors and movies). Hubby Bob Guiney has just completed something called "The Scorned," which would appear to be a tv movie. My guess is that they're headed to greener pastures in L.A. to pursue other television and film projects. (Nice to see Guiney doing something more than ABC daytime interstitials!) And, although there have been several different rumors about Budig joining the cast of GH, I don't believe any of them. My bet is that she'll be active in the coming pilot season, on the heels of Eva "Dr. Maria Santos Grey" LaRue, who seems to be doing well on "CSI: Miami." I'll miss her as Greenlee and hope TPTB don't attempt a recast.

While going through the piles of books at BJ's Warehouse this weekend, I came upon Finola "Anna Devane" Hughes' "Soapsuds: A Novel." It looked cute, so I threw it in my cart. I'll let you know if it's worth your money next week!

Got a few signals crossed last week, which happens rarely, but sometimes even the best sources get blindsided: the character who gets mowed down by a drunken driver is Amanda, not Greenlee, but it is JR behind the wheel. OK, so half right. Is this what brings Janet-From-Another-Planet back to Pine Valley?

More Del on the horizon? Big whoop. This actor doesn't do it for me in the same way Original Del (Winsor Harmon) did, on several levels. Granted, he hasn't had nearly the quality or quantity of material that Harmon had, but neither does he possess those golden surfer boy looks and charisma.

GH
If GH truly wants the impending train wreck to be among its more memorable "cataclysmic events," it should take a page from ABC primetime, which did a fantastic job with a train wreck on the most recent "Grey's Anatomy." Among survivors, we had not one but two pregnancies, with a connection between them and complications as well; a missing severed leg and several "oops" moments when the correct match was screwed up; two people impaled by a steel bar, with one having to be sacrificed in order for the other to even have the slightest chance of surviving; plus several other scenarios -- and only 44 minutes to work all these stories in. (Guest Monica "Dawson's Creek" Keena, as the doomed impaled woman, moved me to tears several times, and I'd root for a nomination for a "guest star" Emmy -- she was that good.) GH, on the other hand, is going to have the luxury of playing out this train wreck for several days. If they do half as good a job as "Grey's Anatomy," I'll be impressed. Then we can throw all the jokes about GH = train wreck out the door!

One of the situations that will arise from the train wreck will be Robin's HIV+ status. Show promos have shown her yelling, "Don't touch me, I'm bleeding and I'm HIV-positive." When Alexis goes into labor, will Robin be involved in the delivery, and, if so, will this be part of the long-standing rumor that Ric and Alexis will be given bad news about their baby? Does that bad news have more to do with the fact that the baby was past due, was negatively affected by the trauma of being in a train wreck...or by the HIV status of the attending doctor?

Wasn't it amusing that Sonny (of all people) also showed up on what was supposed to be Liz and Lucky's antique honeymoon train? His reason: a need to go check on Carly at Rose Lawn. First time he's taken the train to do that! Most of the other cast members' presence on that love train is equally contrived. If Jax hitched his own antique train car to the train, why then is he hanging out where he is clearly not wanted by anyone other than Alexis? Did someone remember to save a seat for Helena?

GHH2 has heard that Kelly Monaco's rumored part on "Desperate Housewives" was squashed by the reigning DH divas themselves. Why am I not surprised?

Wubqueen Karen (wubs.net), who is the expert on all things Constance "Helena" Towers, posted this: "Side note: On 10/31, Helena was to catch the bouquet (it was in all the press kits) and as you saw, Big Alice did instead. Why? Well, Constance Towers' son had just returned from Iraq and she couldn't film that day. So...for once, happy news and no booming here!" This is indeed happy news, as Towers had mentioned at the NLG event at GHFCW that her son, a pediatric heart surgeon, was serving as a medic in Iraq, doing whatever had to be medically done. (And this guy does surgery on little tiny baby hearts!). She was naturally concerned for his safety, so I am delighted with this news from the Wubqueen! I hope he's back to stay!

The Wubqueen also speculated that the return of Rick "Dr. Noah Drake" Springfield may serve, in the end, as a way to send Jacklyn "Bobbie Spencer" Zeman off into the sunset. While that would be a lovely way to end the long-running (but now hardly ever seen) character of Bobbie, anything that rids the show of yet another beloved veteran sucks, in my book. Zeman was greeted with much affection and applause at the GHFCW, and her autograph line was as long as anyone else's. A trouper, she stayed until she was able to meet and greet all who came to see her. Both of my attempts to visit with her, in the Green Room and during the autograph session, were foiled, as she was just constantly busy talking to people, and I didn't have the heart to interrupt. Perhaps now that Luke is going to have issues with daughter LuLu, and son Lucas will be telling all that he's gay (not to mention the return of Dr. Drake), we'll be seeing more of Bobbie. That's a good thing.

Speaking of Jackie, did you know that she was once married to Murray "The K" Kaufman, a legendary New York D.J. who had dubbed himself "The Fifth Beatle" for both his friendship with, and promotion of, that band when they first came to America? This was in the mid-70s; she was his sixth wife, and (I believe) he was her first husband. Murray the K passed away in 1982 and was posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He used to refer to his young sweetie as "Jackie the Z" on his radio show!

Did you notice the updated GH show intro? They removed Jennifer Bransford and added Kirsten "Maxie" Storms and Matt "Jesse" Marraccini. Dylan "Michael" Cash can be glimpsed right after Jackie Zeman. They also removed some long-gone characters like Steven Webber and Rachel Adair. This is a job that the production people are said to loathe, but they'll be busy again, as I would imagine the latest Carly, Laura Wright, will be added for either Nov. 4 (official debut) or Nov. 7, the following Monday. Then, later in the month, they'll have to juggle things again by removing Reese. Grrrr.

Had a chat the other day with Paolo Presta, Oprah's discovery, who played Doug Mancino, owner of The Pizza Shack, on GH this summer. I asked what was going on with his role, and he said his agent called Mark Teschner (GH casting director) to see what's happening. It's on hold due to the cold weather in Port Charles, but might be back in the early spring. I asked him to keep me posted, and he promised to do just that! On another front, Paolo had an audition for an independent movie and won the role of Chad in "Dear John," which will start shooting after the holidays, partly in Greece and also in L.A. Naturally, Paolo's very excited. "This will be my first movie with a great role!" His enthusiasm is infectious, and I hope all of you will join me in supporting Paolo as his career takes off. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

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I'm writing this for all of you who do not yet have SoapNet. Some of us were royally screwed by ABC News today, as they felt the need to break into the daytime schedule to inform us of the resignation of the vice president's chief of staff. Riddle me this: what was the vital nature of this piece of news? It's enough that local affiliates feel the need to break in when there's a rainstorm in the area, which is annoying in itself, but what purpose does that exactly serve? The people directly affected -- those who commute -- are most likely NOT watching television at that particular time. I have absolutely no problem when programming is interrupted for important events, but please. It's no secret that a lot of newsmakers time their announcements to Friday afternoon, as they know that newspaper coverage on Saturday will be weak at best, and that's also the weakest day for readership (both facts confirmed by friends in the newspaper business). It's also no secret that Fridays are often the key days for daytime dramas. 

A story that's been building for some time, the wedding of Lucky and Liz, began today.  Unfortunately, the last segment was cancelled out (in some areas) by a few vague remarks from President Bush about the resignation of his vice president's chief of staff (for reasons that I will not go into). Why this did not rate the scroll across the bottom of the screen that's lately been reserved for non-life-altering news is a mystery to me. Fortunately, I happen to subscribe to a digital cable service that carries SoapNet, which will run today's episode in its entirety. Do you?

As I live in one of the ABC network's largest markets, I once e-mailed its ombudsman to simply inquire if they could post updates of any interruptions in programming, or rebroadcast of episodes (as they sometimes do, but at 3am, and how would you know?) on its website. Not a difficult task, right? Well, they never responded. 

Granted, today's wedding was not an event that would rank among the show's biggest, but I'm sure there are a few fan bases that would disagree. And it's not the first time that a cliffhanger Friday show (or any other, for that matter) has been interrupted, with fans left disappointed. But it's about time that the network recognized that there are a lot of people out there who actually enjoy their daytime programming, and they deserve answers and (god forbid) options when other factors interfere, (I wonder how many ad dollars were thrown away today by the several break-ins on my local -- but major -- affiliate?)

The only time that I remember the network responding to the anguished howls of fans (and they really must have been LOUD) was more than 15 years ago, when Port Charles' Mr. Big was about to be revealed, after months of storyline building to this climax. The chair in which Mr. Big was sitting was literally turning around to face the audience, and all of a sudden, BOOM! A ridiculous break-in. Well, on the following Monday, a special announcement was made prior to the airing of that day's show, stating that the last couple of minutes of Friday's show would be "repeated." We got to see Burt Ramsey revealed as Mr. Big. And, trust me, if you were watching at that time, it WAS big. And this was before the Internet. Fans' fury was harder to track. I encourage all of you who missed a key part of today's programming to protest, either via e-mail or snail mail. If the network doesn't hear complaints, how can we expect it to respond?

 

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

AMC
Well, Ryan’s back and no one’s happy. Especially Greenlee. It would be interesting to imagine how this whole thing would have played out if Rebecca “Greenlee” Budig were not leaving the show -- and sooner rather than later. She is likely taping her last scenes as you read this, as her contract expires in October, so we’ll be seeing her into November Sweeps. Here’s what I’m thinking. I’ve heard nothing about the possibility of Kendall losing the Greenlee/Ryan bundle of joy. Now that Greenlee and Kendall are best buds, there is no possible way that Greenlee would desert her and the baby (even though Ryan, no longer Saint Ryan, but Scum-of-the-Earth Ryan, is the daddy). Not voluntarily, that is. Which, in my book, leaves only one possible scenario: Greenlee dies. No move to Paris, even though she probably still owns that apartment she bought when she and Leo were supposed to relocate, before his tragic death. No move to California to help Mia (remember her?) run Fusion’s West Coast operation. Nope. She’s a goner. But how? I think we can rule out any tragic illness, as she’s been to the doctor a lot lately, and had all kinds of tests run. I don’t think there’s going to be any sudden outbreak of Avian Flu in the Valley. That leaves death by accident or murder. I fervently hope this does not bring another long-running murder “whodunit” to the show; I think the whole Michael Cambias debacle put the kibosh on that, at least for now. Jonathan would be a likely suspect, given his history, but considering that he’s a babbling mess right now, unable to function at more than the basest level, that won’t work, not in this time frame. The Dragon’s dead, so he won’t be murdering anybody. No lethal cocktail courtesy of Dr. David, as he loves Greenlee. For a girl who was once so bitchy and unpopular, Greenlee has few enemies these days, and none that would deliberately kill her. (Yes, Erica may want to kill her at times, but that’s not going to happen. Jack would definitely divorce her!) Really, one of her worst enemies was Kendall, and now that’s changed. Mother Mary might be tempted to kill her in order to get her hands on the rest of her money, but that’s not going to happen, especially since the wonderful Anna “Mary Smythe” Stuart’s been off the canvas for months. Who does that leave? Does Janet-From-Another-Planet kill Greenlee so that Amanda can take her place at Fusion? (Remember, she killed Will Cortlandt because she thought it would please Trevor, as Will was abusing Trevor’s niece, Hayley!) No, again, not even TPTB would try to pull that one off. Ruling out deliberate murder leaves accidental death. Here’s another thought: since Greens has banned Kendall from as much as wearing high heels for the next nine months, in the interest of safety, I don’t think she herself will be doing any high wire acts, racing motorcycles, testing dangerously tainted cosmetic samples, or dropping her hairdryer in the bathtub. Therefore, Greenlee will depart Pine Valley as tragically as her beloved Leo, and it will probably be the result of someone else’s actions, but an accident nonetheless. I have heard several scenarios, but the one that pops up most often is that a drunken JR, still messed up by Di's big reveal, is the one responsible. This will open the door for much angst in the Valley, from friends and family who love her, to the tortured person who caused the accident. And, if my sources are correct (they usually are) and it is JR who accidentally kills Greenlee, can you imagine the repercussions? Not even Adam's magic checkbook will be able to solve this problem. The fallout will be tremendous. Maybe we’ll even get to see some fierce Reggie scenes, as he rails against whomever was at fault. Jack will definitely go ballistic. Ryan...well, perhaps Ryan will start visiting the Fight Club again. We can always hope.

The Pine Valley Bulletin reports that the character of Del Henry, Di’s brother, will remain past his initial 13-week contract won on “I Wanna Be A Soap Star.” Del slunk away from the Chandler mansion after Di’s big reveal; is he staying on to wrap up her storyline? Staying on to bring back the real Dixie? Staying on as a convenient, disposable scapegoat responsible for Greenlee’s demise? It’s anybody’s guess!

As I’ve been sick of Laverys for months, I haven’t had too much to say about them, but something struck me as rather unusual (which, for this family, is saying a lot). Baristas (the folks that make those amazingly intricate and expensive coffee drinks at those premium coffee cafes), even assistant manager baristas who take a lot of time off to tend to their psycho brother(s), must make a hell of a lot of money in tips. How else could Erin Lavery afford such a lovely cottage without a paying roommate or two? Is the cost of living that low in Nova Scotia? If so, I’m outta here!

When Erica and Greenlee were fighting over Ryan’s right to know about the baby Kendall’s carrying, Erica kept saying how manipulative Greenlee is, how she lies to everyone who loves her. Was she channeling Mona, who said all that (and more) to Erica, her rebellious, willful, daughter, practically from Day One of AMC, up until the time she died? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

OLTL
(This week's OLTL commentary comes to you from special guest Katrina Rasbold, EOS webmaster, columnist, OLTL maven, and pal o' mine! Enjoy!)
OLTL viewers got a bit of a shock when Clint showed up at the (just been gambled away) Buchanan Lodges as a blonde.  For many One Life fans, the idea that Clint would not be front and center with all that is going on with daughter(s) Tessica was fairly ludicrous.  If not Clint Ritchie (who originated the role), the a recast could possibly work.  The photos of Jerry VerDorn did look slightly Clintish, but the light hair... whew! 
 
Viewers have been wondering for months now what prompted Jessica to split into Tess all those years ago.  Although it was clearly identified during the Dr. Susannah Hanen days that DID is not hereditary, the premise (shaky as it is) is that Jessica did this all on her own for her own environmental reasons, possibly something that came up during one of Viki's Niki Smith (or another alter)'s periods of time.  Since Viki was integrated and supposedly acquired all of the memories of her alters, it's unusual that she did not get this memory as well.  Don't expect the story to wrap up in sweeps.  Word is Jessica won't actually lose this baby and the DID story is supposed to continue through the pregnancy ,last I heard.
 
Spencer inflicts his reign of terror on... the viewing audience!  In a continued masking of WHATEVER the big secret is between Spencer, David and Paige, Spencer ends up blackmailing David into standing Dorian up at the altar.  He figures the humiliation of Dorian as a jilted wife is the beginning of his payback for the blackmail she wagged in his direction.  Missing the completion of this long awaited wedding is punishment for the fans and we didn't even wrong this guy!
 
OLTL waded into the normally taboo subject of infanticide just as it has previously tackled the (then) verboten topic of homosexuality (the Andrew Carpenter/Billy Douglas story).  Never one to skirt around issues that might make people uncomfortable, such as the recent revelation of Daniel Coulson as a gay serial killer, the show is treating the story in a very matter of fact fashion, showing reactions of different people to the news that the body of a woman, along with that of her newborn baby, were found drowned in Llantano Lake.  Although we, the viewers, saw Todd lead the very pregnant and exceptionally homicidal and crazy Margaret into a rowboat on Llantano Lake, there is no definitive revelation as to whether or not Todd actually perpetrated the murder, although he will continue to adamantly deny his culpability, even to Blair under close scrutiny.  As Llanview's "usual suspect," Todd is hardly in the category of "redeemed," but my vote is that if it was revealed that Todd actually, physically killed Margaret and her baby, there will be no coming back.  For that reason, my guess is that it will be revealed that he did not follow through with his definitive plans for his nutty stalker.  On the other hand, how else would he know for certain that Margaret would not be bothering them again?  Regarding the bold steps OLTL takes in its story telling, Executive Producer, Frank Valentini said in a recent Soap Opera Digest, in the context of the Daniel Coulson outcry by GLAAD,  "Life is messy and complicated."   So true. 

GH
This whole return of Robin Scorpio, in my opinion, is a good thing only in that it dredges up a lot of GH history. The scenes that they’ve been showing between Jason and Robin, particularly when she betrayed him, have really piqued my interest. Doesn’t he look about 18 years old in those scenes? Guess what: though it may have seemed longer, Robin left for Paris in 1998. Boy, has Steve Burton matured in eight years! What a transformation from boy to man!

I also laughed when Dr. Tony Jones phoned Robin. Jason has sensed that there’s some underlying animosity between the two of them, but Robin, I’m sure, remembers every single detail. After all, it was Dr. Jones who kidnapped baby Michael (after finding out that Carly had been scamming him and he wasn’t really the father), along with Robin, keeping them prisoner in a remote cabin. Without extra supplies of Robin’s prescribed cocktail of drugs to fight her HIV, nearly killing her. When Jason found and rescued them, he smashed Tony’s hand with the butt of a rifle, if memory serves, thereby destroying Dr. Jones’ surgical career. Lucky for Tony that Jason doesn’t remember this. Also lucky that Robin appears to be the consummate medical professional, or else she’d have slammed the phone down once she realized who was on the other end of the line. Will Sam get the chance to recite this bit of Port Charles history, too?

As I write this next part, I should really be listening to the Everly Brothers’ “Dream, Dream, Dream.”  Why? Read on!

The “Ask Ausiello” column on TV Guide Online reveals that a member of the “Las Vegas” cast will get whacked on Nov. 28. No clue other than that Dean Cain, who plays the ex of casino whale watcher Sam (played by Vanessa “Brenda Barrett” Marcil), will guest on that episode and the next. Hmm...it certainly looks to me like Sam’s the victim. Could this possibly be a connection to the rumor about Brenda Barrett returning to GH? Well, let’s think. Robin needs someone to hang with when she returns to the Chuckles, and who’s left besides Uncle Mac? Sonny’s going to be footloose and fancy free, as it’s been reported everywhere that Reese will not survive the cataclysmic event that is the train wreck a-comin’. NuNuNuCarly will probably be torn between Sonny and Lorenzo. What better time to bring back Brenda (and not a recast; Eva Longoria’s busy these days) -- and the bait’s never been better!

GHH2 reports that Kristina (daughter of Alexis and Sonny) is the next character to be SORASED. No more Curly Boo Twins? I know that EOS’ Dianna will be heartbroken, as she had a grand time playing with them at the GH Fan Club Weekend! Other than that, though, maybe there’s an upside: could it mean a more permanent return for Helena? Stay with me, here! Hints are being dropped that Hells will be obsessed with the child of Nik and Courtney, as it’s the next Cassadine heir and has Mikkos’ blood running through its widdle veins. Well, Kristina and the about-to-be-born child of Alexis and Ric ALSO have Mikkos’ blood! Helena could become the Pied Piper of Port Charles, stealing all descendants of Mikkos and bending them to her considerable will. I can dream, can’t I?

Now I’m going to leave you with something that is a total and complete fantasy on my part. (No, it does not involve Scott Clifton!) Has anyone noticed the resemblance between Laura “NuNuNuCarly” Wright (left) and Alicia Leigh “Courtney” Willis? They could be sisters! Look at those faces -- even the bone structure is similar! Okay, here comes the fantasy. Willis leaves for greener pastures, as widely reported, Wright is recast as Courtney, leaving the door open for Jennifer Bransford to return as NuNuCarly. Anything can happen in soaps!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

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Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

MUSICAL (PLOT) CHAIRS
DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder) -- Viki/Niki, OLTL (though it was originally termed “split personality.” She/they get the gold star, as Niki first appeared back in the ‘60s, then has resurfaced with DID -- after theoretically having been reintegrated each time -- about once every decade.  This last time, she brought a total of about six-seven personalities on board with her.); Alexis, GH & Jessica/Tess, OLTL

Cinderella wedding -- Julia/Noah, AMC & Megan and Jake, OLTL, Liz/Lucky, GH (okay, it’s yet to happen, but she did reveal it as her fantasy wedding). Parent company of ABC = Disney. Coincidence? I think not!

“Bad gene pool” -- Ryan Lavery, AMC & Todd Manning, OLTL & Nikolas Cassadine, GH
Surrogate Pregnancies -- Greenlee/Kendall, AMC & Jax/Elizabeth, GH

Appearance at own memorial service -- Carly, GH; Edmund, AMC & Ryan, AMC and didn't Asa on OLTL actually show up at one of his many funerals? The one with all 40 of his ex-wives?

Appearances on all then-current ABC daytime dramas -- Linda “Rae Cummings”Dano and Robin “Skye Chandler Cudahy Kinder Davidson Quartermaine Jacks” Christopher

Evil twins -- Kevin/Ryan Chamberlain, GH; Nik/Connor, GH; Tad Martin/Ted Orsini, AMC; Viki Buchanan/Niki Smith, OLTL. Special mention to AMC for Natalie/Janet (though they were not twins, Janet did pass herself off as Natalie for a time and, as a result, conceived Amanda) and Adam/Stuart Chandler (even though Stuart is not evil). Extra special mention to Kelly Monaco, who played PC’s twins Livvie/Tess (Livvie was not only evil, she became a vampire, while Tess was a true innocent ripped from the script of the movie “Nell,” starring Jodie Foster) and then GH’s Sam/Ali. Sam and Ali were not sisters, but Allegra, evil mother of Ali (and, IRL, wife to presumed-evil GH head writer Robert Guza), didn’t let that stand in the way of her nefarious plans).

Then, there’s another “crossover” between ABC soaps, specifically, the anti-hero. AMC is weak in this department, as the main character that started out as evil then turned heroic was really Trevor Dillon, ex-mercenary turned lawyer, father, and lovable Uncle Porkchop. You may argue (and you will) that some AMC characters were not-so-nice at first (Opal #2, as played by Jill Larson, and her plots against Tad and Dixie; Nico, bad boy played by Maurice Benard, yes, THE Maurice Benard, who eventually let love rule until he callously left his wife, Cecily, who renamed him “Sneako”; Trask Bodine, who started out harassing Dixie’s little sister, Lainie, then fell in love with her; and, of course, Ryan Lavery, who started out as a grifter, then became St. Ryan of the Valley.) And there are more, but I maintain that ABC soaps, specifically GH and OLTL, have featured two characters who have similarly started out as rapists (though one back story was shamelessly backpedaled into a “seduction” years later), GH’s Luke Spencer and OLTL’s Todd Manning.

Luke came back to Port Charles as an adult, having spent his younger years pimping out his sister, Barbara Jean, now a nursing student no longer turning tricks. After many dances on the wrong side of the law, he turned businessman, running the Campus Disco as a favor to the mob, which needed to launder money. During his tenure there, he raped young, beautiful waitress Laura Webber on the dance floor as Herb Alpert’s “Rise” played in the background. Naturally, they fell in love, and ran away from their obligations and the mob together. I’m not going to go into the entire saga of Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, as there’s not enough bandwidth available to me (and most of you remember it, anyway), but he IS the resident anti-hero of Port Charles, much loved, even though he is usually a drunken wreck of a man who rails against the family who loves him, gets involved in the shadiest of money-making schemes, and hasn’t met a law he hasn’t broken. But let him call Tracy Quartermaine “Spanky Buns,” and all is forgiven. (Note: Sonny Corinthos started out as a mobster and remains one to this day. He doesn’t count in this comparison. Perhaps one day this column will compare and contrast Sonny with Carlo Hessler and Vanessa Cortlandt (AMC is kinda weak in the standout mobster area, unless you count The Dragon -- and I don’t), so Sonny will be dealt with and analyzed then. Right now, it’s Luke and Todd.)

Over in Llanview (OLTL), we first met Todd when he absolutely and mercilessly raped  Marty Saybrooke and brought a few of his frat friends along to help.  Todd never enjoyed the redemption that Luke was afforded, at least for a while.  Never was asked to be mayor and never got loving, happy inlaws.  He's still seen as the skeevy guy about town and is "the usual suspect" in Llanview.  They don't bother with "usual suspects" in the plural because they usually start out believing Todd did it and have to be proven otherwise.  We did, however, get a back story, once Roger Howarth (original Todd) started to catch on with fans, that told us that Todd's biological father was a child molester (Victor Lord, Viki's father) and his adopted father, Peter Manning, had raped him repeatedly.  Although that generated a collective "awwww" from the audience, Todd, now played by Trevor St. John, has remained a rapist who gave his own baby away into the black market (he thought it was his wife's baby with someone else) and an all around bad guy.  He's had some really shining moments, but he's never really achieved any kind of redemption.

AMC
In a bit of foreshadowing, or just careful planning, check out how TPTB handled the ads that are running for the Fusion fragrance (available at Wal-Mart). We see Kendall...Simone...Dani...and AMANDA? Where’s Greenlee? When was Amanda hired at Fusion? Could this have anything to do with Rebecca “Greenlee” Budig not signing her AMC contract? Does Amanda get a job because she’s a pretty young thing with long, glossy hair who will fool those folks with Vaseline-covered glasses into thinking Greenlee’s still on the job?

ROBIN’S BLOG
Ah, now we can read the online blog of GH’s Robin Scorpio (remember when we could purchase “Robin’s Diary,” “written” during the whole Stone Cates storyline?). One of "her" first entries intrigued me, as it mentioned getting a birthday message from Brenda, who had just relocated to Italy and had dinner plans her very first night in that country (boo-hoo, thinks Robin, poor pitiful me). GHFF recently posted a hint of a rumor of a possible Brenda recast...could this blog entry be TPTB’s way to ease us into this? I certainly hope not. There are a few roles in this world that could not EVER be effectively recast, and they include Erica Kane, Victoria Buchanan, Asa Buchanan, Tracy Quartermaine, Luke Spencer, Sonny Corinthos, and Brenda Barrett. Nor could they recast the fabulous Lucy Coe, which leads me to...

WHERE THE HECK IS LYNN HERRING?
Lynn “Lucy Coe” Herring, who moved that character from GH’s Port Charles to “Port Charles’” Port Charles, disappeared when the latter show was cancelled in October 2003. She was reportedly enjoying life on the farm with hubby Wayne Northrop (DOOL, PC) and their two growing sons. About a year ago, she signed with talent manager Michael Bruno, and her return to soaps was wildly heralded in the press. A quick perusal of Bruno’s website, on which he posts the actors he manages, finds Lynn listed under the “Former Soap Star” category. My question: WHY? WHY has she not been added to the GH roster? WHERE is she? BRING HER BACK (and, while you’re at it, the Nurses Ball!)!!!!!

TRAIN WRECK?
The last time I saw a train in Port Charles, Robert, Sean, Tiffany, Frisco and the gang were having a “gay ‘90s” excursion as a coverup for transporting some ill-gotten treasure, and Holly was kidnapped (ending up in Colorado and renamed Fallon Carrington Colby). Of course, there was Rafe and Alison and their mystery train on PC, but since that side of Port Charles no longer seems to exist (since October 2003), the question remains: where the hell is the Port Charles depot? And why would any of the people purported to be onboard -- Lorenzo, Lucky, Alexis, Sonny, and crazy ol’ Carly -- be ON this said train? Don’t they usually travel by private jet?

HEALTH INSURANCE WOES
GHH2 reports the rumor that “Lucky’s family comes together when he is seriously injured in the train wreck. More money problems.”

Police officers, in general, have very good (if not excellent) media coverage, due to the job that they do and the strong and effective unions they pay dues to. Why the money problems? I still have trouble with the fact that when Helena shot him, he ran up all those hospital bills that led Elizabeth to the surrogacy solution. Even if he was technically off-duty when shot by Helena, he was protecting one of PC’s citizens and therefore shot in the line of duty. This is totally ridiculous, and proves that the GH writers have been sucked even further into their vacuum.

MY FAVORITE LINE
I wrote this before the resurrection of EOS’ “Doing Lines” column; please forgive me! I was ROTFLMAO when Alexis assured Ric that “Yours is bigger.” Guess the only other person with that same special perspective is Reese, but Sonny surely won’t forgive her that ONS with his brother even if she lies (again) and repeats what Alexis said.

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

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AMC
Di/Dixie is trying to convince Julia to stop trying to escape from Garret’s apartment. He’s ten steps ahead of you! The only way out is to convince him we’re not a threat. “Talk fast,” says Julia. What’s your plan? Simple, really. He wants to seduce us. He wants to be our master, our lord. When he thinks he’s beaten us, that's when we’ll beat him. (I’m starting to get a mental picture of this, and it’s a bit X-rated and sleazy. Uh, eww!)

Di/Dixie tells Julia her story about meeting Garret as a 17-year-old runaway at New York City’s Port Authority Bus Terminal. Lucky I met a prince instead of a pimp! Garret taught me how to appreciate the finer things in life. Theater, opera, ballet. Too bad it only lasted three years. Wait a minute, says Julia. You came to Pine Valley when you were 18 (and how she knows that is a mystery to me!). Yes, admits Di/Dixie, Dixie Cooney did go to the Valley at 18. You see, that’s actually not me. AHA! You’re working with Garret! Trying to brainwash me! Julia then tries to strangle Di/Dixie/whomever, but she breaks free and swears she’s on Julia’s side! Di/Dixie explains how she came to steal Dixie’s life and how Garret had nothing to do with it. “Work with me, Julia. We have to play his game.” The apartment door opens. Heeeere’s Garret! “I’m a reasonable man. But whether you live or die is entirely up to you.” “Julia doesn’t want to die,” says Di/Dixie, “I swear you can trust him.” Garret thinks Julia needs a fresh perspective, which he’s willing to provide. Under his protection, natch. After all, he’s known where DI is all along -- so he can be trusted. “I don’t want to lose either of you.” It’s up to you, Julia! Your life...or revenge. Oh, and by the way, Noah died because of you! So there! I’m offering you a fresh start. She takes his hand and swears her loyalty. He doesn’t believe her, so he decides to give her more time.

Erica thinks she knows what’s up with Kendall and Greenlee. “I sensed there was something different when I surprised you and Greenlee the other night. It was like I’d walked in on something. Exactly how close are you and Greenlee?” “As close as it gets. I love Greenlee and she loves me.” Oh, geez, now Erica’s thinking that Bianca is not the only child of hers singing Sapphic songs of love!

“Josh, I need you to help me find out if my daughter is gay.” Uh, Erica, I thought the world knew about Bianca! No, silly, my other daughter! Yes, the married one. You see, I’ve been getting these strange vibes. “Kendall? Gay? I never got anything close to that!” says Josh. Good thing, too, as Kendall, the PV Welcome Wagon for hot young guys, is taboo for him for reasons we have yet to be told! “The other night, they were talking about rubbing each other’s feet! And those looks they exchange, like they’re members of some secret club!” And, oh yes, Kendall told me that they love each other! “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” quips Josh, who is not taking this quite as seriously as Ms. Kane! And Ms. Kane does not approve of Greenlee as a mate for Kendall. Too selfish. Too needy. Too...girly. “I didn’t know my job included scoping out your daughter’s sexuality!” Oh, Josh, just spend some time with her. “Project your maleness. Make a pass.” What if she’s leaning the other way, towards Greenlee? I’ll just have to deal with that, I guess. And Erica deals so well with family problems! Speaking of which, here’s Greenlee! “Stay out of our lives, Erica.” This just raises Erica’s gaydar. “A mother knows, Greenlee!” Bianca is mentioned, but Greenlee thinks Erica’s talking about babies. Erica thinks Greenlee is speaking of her lust for Kendall. Holy confusion! Every word now has a double meaning!

Like a dutiful son (!), Josh goes and puts the moves on Kendall. Awkwardly. Finally, he blurts out that Erica thinks she and Greenlee are lovers. “What in the name of Rosie O’Donnell is going on here?” yells Kendall. Then she breaks into hysterical laughter and decides to have some fun with Erica. She leave, and Dr. Madden emerges from the shadows. “You can not date Kendall Hart,” punctuating his words with some pokes to the chest. “One good reason!” yells Josh. Why is his dad so dead-set against a potential romance with Kendall? What consequences could there possibly be? “You’re so obstinate!” spits out Dr. Madden. “You know, I must have gotten that from you, Dad, ‘cause it’s certainly not from Mom. And you know I’m not going to let this drop, so let’s see if I can handle complicated and the truth at the same time. Why don’t you just spill it before you tank our relationship for good?” The doctor tells him that Kendall’s the one woman in the world he can’t go after. Why, because you’ve got the hots for Erica? Work with me, you rebel son of mine! “You used to call me your miracle baby. What’s the miracle?” Yes, Josh, that’s the question we all have been pondering!

As Erica rants on, Greenlee realizes they’re not on the same track. Kendall walks in and plants a passionate kiss on Greenlee’s startled lips. “She thinks we’re gay,” hisses Kendall. Let the fun begin! Before it goes too far, the girls lose it to a fit of the giggles. “Okay, I may have misinterpreted your secret, but it still exists. What is it?” asks La Kane. Kendall wants to spill. “We’re not going to tell you, Erica. You may be family, but you don’t get to know everything about us,” says Greenlee. “Well, I know you’ve not adopted an alternative lifestyle. There is still a piece of the puzzle missing and it’s time to complete it,” replies Erica. Kendall folds. We took the same drugs, Mom. The drugs that will enable me to carry Ryan’s baby. “You? Ryan’s baby?” Yep, and Dr. Madden helped! Greenlee then explains how Kendall is her only hope, the only way she’ll be able to hold a piece of Ryan in her arms again. “You’re both adults,” admits a subdued Erica. Do you know if you’re pregnant yet? No. The girls ask Erica why she’s so quiet. This is a lot to take in! Greenlee’s eggs, Ryan’s donation and your body. A lot to take in! And don’t forget the tricky parts! “As wonderful as it is to bring a new life into this world, there are complications!” She tells them nothing they haven’t heard before, almost as if she were coached by Zach. However, Erica’s got the personal angle down, having carried, then given up, Kendall. Kendall reminds Erica that she was able to give her up. Different circumstances! I was raped. I was 14. Okay, I get that, says Kendall, but my reasons are good ones. Erica promises to keep out of “this new adventure.” Oh, right! They leave, and Erica summons a mystery person to her office. Surprise -- it’s Dr. Madden! She’s about to tear him a new one for his role in the Greenlee/Ryan/Kendall pregnancy!

JR finds Babe snooping around the mansion. A bit early for your visitation with Little A! Yeah, well, I’m looking for my momma. They find her. In Big A’s bed! After they all get through their fits of revulsion, Babe tells Krystal that David shared Di/Dixie’s secret with here. Seems that before Dixie died, in Switzerland, she told David about her half sister, Di, who has just enough DNA to pass herself off as a Cooney. Krystal calls Tad, gets his voice mail, and leaves a message.

It’s hard to get a cell phone call in a bank vault, where Alfie Vanderpool has locked up Tad and Zach. During their time in the vault, Zach deduces that Di/Dixie’s protecting her real true love -- the man who murdered Noah and is after Julia! Once Alfie releases them, Tad runs to the Chandler mansion, looking for Di/Dixie. She isn’t there. Turns out she may be in trouble. Turns out she may know Noah’s killer. And it turns out that the letter she hid somewhere will tell us the name we need to know. Adam’s having all his staff turn the mansion upside down looking for that darn letter. Turns out one of the maids has it! It’s addressed to Tad. “Don’t keep us in suspense,” demands Adam, “open the damn thing!” It’s not the right letter, just a prelude to it. “She’s gone to meet this man and she doesn’t expect to come home alive,” says Tad. JR’s pissed, and blaming Tad. “If anything happens to my mother, so help me. I just got her back.” Adam actually sounds like the voice of reason, but wonders why she came back simply to run off and get herself killed. Babe and Krystal confer. Should they spill what they know? No, not quite yet.

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- AMC
Why is Janet From Another Planet writing to Jamie? And why does she think Jamie’s about to become her son-in-law? Could this mean the return of Robin Mattson?

Rebecca (Greenlee) Budig to GH as a recast Sarah Webber? Bad idea, on several fronts. I’ll share all my thoughts with you on this next week. Why not now? Read to the end, my friend!

GH
Carly spies Emily in the park and picks up a handy scythe. How Grim Reaper of her! The problem is, she sees Faith, not Emily, and she’s out to protect her family from the evil Ms. Roscoe! They struggle. Emily falls, onto the dropped scythe. Ouch. Carly realizes what she’s done and tries to pull the scythe out of Emily. Suddenly, Nik is there and Carly runs off, smack dab into Sonny! “Carly, what have you done? Where’s Emily?” “I didn’t mean to,” whimpers Carly.

Nik calls an ambulance as Sonny tells him Carly didn’t know what she was doing. Loyal to a fault, that Sonny! Nik begs Emily to stay with him as the sirens get closer and Carly and Sonny run off. The cops and ambulance show up, and Nik implicates Carly.

Sonny escorts Carly back to Greystone and, again, questions her. “I thought it was Faith! I didn’t stab her! She fell! You have to believe me!” He says he does. It’s a shame she’s sorta telling the truth for once!

Emily’s wheeled into GH and Monica takes over. Durant overhears Nik ranting about Carly and how she needs to be arrested. Not a bad idea, thinks the D.A., who will definitely never win “Father of the Year” awards.

Carly has a semi-rational conversation with Sonny and comes to a horrifying conclusion. “Oh my god. You’re going to send me to Shadybrook.” “After what you did to Emily, my hands may be tied.” I’ll just go away, like you do! Yeah, that’s the ticket! “You’re scared. I’m scared, too,” says Sonny. “The doctors can make you feel better and then you can come home.” “Please. Just save me,” she begs, “one more time.” She offers to disappear as long as he promises to tell the boys she loves them. He can protect them from Faith! “I helped you, remember?” As if she’d ever let him forget! Justus and Lainie (Dr. Winters) show up. Lainie tends to Carly as Justus warns Sonny that Carly could be found criminally insane and sent to Ferncliff. “We’ve gotta get her out of here!”

Monica tells Nik and Lucky that Emily’s remarkably well -- it was a clean wound that didn’t touch any major organs. She also tells Nik that if she’d known how crazy Carly was, she never would have let Emily stay at Sonny’s. Nik is livid when Em won’t press charges; more so when Sonny comes by for a visit. “You almost died because of me,” laments Sonny. Emily confirms Carly’s story. Sonny’s feeling the most awful guilt. He should have had Carly committed after Elizabeth’s accident. “Carly’s my responsibility. I am very sorry for what happened to you.” Emily tells him to forgive himself. “You made a mistake out of love.” He tells her about the place Dr. Winters had recommended, and she encourages him to take Carly there so she can get well and return home.

Sonny returns home and tells Carly he cannot allow her to hurt herself or others. Before the damage gets worse, he has to do something, and a safe house isn’t gonna fly. “Remember how you rescued me? Now you have to rescue yourself.” Lucky shows up and tells them that Emily said she fell on the scythe and isn’t pressing any charges. “But I am,” announces an uninvited Durant. “Arrest Carly for the attempted murder of Emily Cassadine.” “No,” says Sonny. “Emily is covering for Carly,” says Durant. Lucky refuses to do Durant’s dirty work. “I can help you, Carly,” says Durant,”give me your hand.” She runs away and Sonny follows. “No one’s gonna hurt you, Carly. Even if you have to go away for a little while.” Durant attempts to call Mac, but Reese breaks the connection. They spar. Durant wonders aloud how one man can destroy otherwise intelligent women, women like Carly and Reese.

“I know you better than you know yourself,” Sonny tells Carly, “you teach me so much. And I’m never gonna give up.” “It’s too late,” she says, “everything’s wrecked.” “No it’s not,” says Sonny. “You will get through this, for yourself and our sons.” “They love you, Sonny. Take care of them.” “You can survive, you just gotta stand up. If you don’t wanna do it for me or for yourself, you gotta do it for our sons!” She stands. “Hold on to me, okay?” Sonny holds her close. They then walk inside as Reese is telling Durant that Carly needs him to give her all the fatherly love he can muster. All the patience. The kindness. The understanding. She must have gotten through, because Durant tells Carly, “I love you with all my heart. All I want is for you to listen to me.” He tells her how finding her was the best thing that ever happened to him. All he knew before was his career. Now he wants to do better, help her. Reese has convinced him that an arrest is the last thing that Carly needs. He can’t imagine why she trusts Sonny, but as a father, he has to respect that. “I just pray to God that Sonny can accomplish that for you. I love you, sweetheart.” A humanized Durant kisses his daughter and leaves. Carly wants to go to bed; she’s tired. “You’re never going to get better staying here with me,” Sonny tenderly tells her. “You can’t send me to Shadybrook! I’ll never survive!” cries Carly. There’s another place, says Sonny. It’s a house with rooms, a beautiful garden...I checked it out myself. “You’re gonna get better and then you’re going to come home to our sons. I know you can do this.” “I’ll try. But I want to say goodbye to Michael and Morgan.” Sonny agrees. She kisses a sleeping Morgan and Sonny then takes her to Kelly’s, where she watches Michael and Grandpa Mike through the window, not sure if she should rock his little world. They then go to Rose Lawn, and Sonny tells her how wonderful it will be there. Dr. Winters and Dr. Kim, the director, come out to greet her. Dr. Kim takes Carly on a tour. Dr. Winters gently tells Sonny it would be best if he just slipped away. He considers her advice, then shakes his head. “I can’t do it. I’m taking Carly home.” He still insists he can take care of her himself. Dr. Winters disagrees. Strongly. “I promised I wouldn’t put her away.” You made a mistake! “But I SWORE!” She requires professional help. “Love her enough to make sure she gets it.” Dr. Kim returns with Carly. She asks Sonny to take her to her room. “I don’t want to be alone.” It’s a beautiful room, nicer than most four-star hotels. Sonny again apologizes for breaking his word. “I love you,” he says, choking back tears as he leaves the room.

Later, Carly unpacks. She places a photo of her boys on the night table. Then she walks to the window and looks out. Contemplating the future?

Jason and Sam arrive home only to find Ric and a couple of muscle-bound suits waiting at the penthouse door. What are you doing here? “Sonny wants 24-hour security posted here,” Ric tells him. Get lost, replies Jason, I don’t work for Sonny any longer. Get rid of them. “Just leave and take the guns with you.” In fact, take my gun, too! Ric walks out empty-handed. Sam makes lunch for Jason, and they playfully joke about her cooking before he leaves to go back to work. “You have become such a smart-aleck!” laughs Sam, as he leaves. Too bad Nuevo Miami Lice (Javier) is hanging out in the hallway. See what turning down a guard or two gets you? “Sam McCall? Javier Ruiz. I’m looking for Jason Morgan.” She throws a bag of garbage at him, no match for the gun he pulls out. “I’m going to give you an opportunity to keep him safe.” She lets him in the apartment. What do you want? Jason saved my life; I want him as my bodyguard. “He works for me or he dies.” Convince him he’s back in the business! “I’m not offering Jason a job. I’m telling him what he has to do.” Just then, Jason enters and pins Ruiz to the wall. “You’re with me or against me, Mr. Morgan, but either way, you’re involved. The only thing that remains to be seen is how...and for how long.” “So, either I work for you or you kill us?” asks Jason. “We understand each other perfectly.” “What do you want me to do?” Jason asks Sam. Javier starts in again and Jason tells him to go away or he’ll take him out. He leaves. There’s only one way out of this,” says Jason. “I have to go back to work for them or I have to disappear. Tell me what to do, Sam, because I’m not going anywhere without you!” Big hug! “How soon can you leave?” he asks. “Tonight.” She just has to go to the bank to settle things with the trust Jason set up for her brother, Danny. Hey, let’s go visit your brother! Maui sounds like paradise! Sam books them a two-bedroom cottage on the beach and a pair of plane tickets. She’s worried, though, because the pattern has always been that when everything seems to be going well, something bad happens. The phone rings. Emily’s in the hospital.

Jason goes to visit his sister and she tells him what happened with Carly. She’s worried about Sonny. Not only does he have to have Carly committed, he has to deal with this Ruiz thing. “You’re my brother, Jason. I want you to be safe and happy.” That’s why I’m leaving town with Sam. Emily doesn’t think he’ll regain his memory if he leaves. Then, of course, there’s the Sonny factor. He needs you! So does Carly! (Is it me, or is it strange to hear Em go all out on Sonny’s behalf?) Jason says thanks, but no thanks, and bids her farewell. Next visit, Monica. Jason tells her that he and Sam are leaving town, and thanks her for respecting him, unlike Alan. She tells him that she love him and is glad that he can now build his life on his own terms. They embrace. He then goes to Greystone and tells Sonny about the visit with Emily. Sonny’s still brooding about having Carly committed. “You should know Ruiz isn’t backing down. In fact, he tried to force me to work for him.” Sonny seems detached from the whole Ruiz thing and even Jason senses that this is not the right reaction. (Meanwhile, Ruiz is telling the other Miami Lice to take out Jason. Tonight.) “When are you leaving?” asks Sonny. Tonight. With Sam. “Good. She’s good for you.” Sonny’s really channeling “The Godfather” at this point! He speaks of the Ruiz family with great insight and understanding, almost like a shrink. Then he wishes Jason well on his journey. “Sonny, I made my choice knowing nothing. At least you can remember what you’re fighting for,” and Jason leaves.

Sonny tells Michael that Carly’s gone away to get help. Now Michael and Morgan can move back to the main house! “What about Jason?” Well, he and Sam have to go away for a while, but he loves you, and he’ll be back. Big hug!

Jason and Sam are packed and ready to leave. Miami Lice are lockin’ and loadin’. The Lice invade Jason and Sam’s penthouse. They’re too late. It’s empty.

“Any regrets?” asks Sam. Yeah, that you booked us in coach! “If we don’t get out now, I’m not sure we ever will,” says Jason as he squeezes into the aisle seat. Sonny chose his business long ago. “We are finally free,” says Sam.

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- GH
Sam reminisced about the time she made mac and cheese for Jason and managed to both undercook it and burn it at the same time. Hmm...just like “Desperate Housewives”’ Susan Meyer (Teri Hatcher)! A long-lost relative, perhaps? Old family recipe?

A very wise person observed that the title of this column, “Confessions of a Media Ho,” and its content were two very different things. An offer was made: transform the column into a real confessional and share your deepest, darkest, even controversial thoughts about the shows, as well as what’s happening behind the scenes. “Are you sure?” I asked. Yep, just don’t go too far and get us sued! Is it okay to finish up this week’s column and start fresh next week? Absolutely. So, it’s my turn to lock and load, and prepare for the transformation. Get ready for some fun!

---

AMC
Dr. Madden recalls what his nurse, Hazel, said prior to Kendall’s egg implantation session. “We both know who Mrs. Slater’s mother is. Given the past, is this a can of worms you’re willing to risk opening?” His reply: “I can handle it.” Hmm. Another hint about a mysterious link between the doc and Erica. Suddenly, Erica’s at the clinic, telling the doc he shouldn’t have done it! Send that elaborate floral arrangement, that is! Phew! She still doesn’t know about Project Baby. However, she does notice Kendall’s wallet laying nearby, and wants to know what it’s doing there! “She must have left it behind when she accompanied Greenlee to her last appointment.” Not another sperm bank heist!

Kendall returned home from her implant session to find Greenlee waiting for her. Guess what I did tonight! Yep, I had the implants done ahead of time because I was worried about the rolling blackouts and their possible effect on the refrigerated eggs and stuff. Didn’t want to take a chance on spoiled eggs! “I knew I couldn’t trust you,” said Greens. You jumped the gun and stole that precious moment from me. Kendall blames it on nerves. “You couldn’t have called me? Told me, hey, we’re getting ready to put the buns in the oven?” There wasn’t time! I didn’t need you speeding across town, risking an accident to get to the egg fest! “I’m sorry,” says Kendall, “please forgive me.” “The truth is, Kendall, I’m jealous. Jealous of you.” Kendall’s the one, after all, who will be carrying Ryan’s baby! She tries to comfort Greenlee. “Your child. Your baby. No one can ever take that away from you.” Greenlee wants to know if Kendall feels pregnant. How many fertilized eggs went in there, four? “You could be eating for five!” laughs Greenlee. “Eating for five?” asks La Kane, whose timing is, as usual, perfect! “A dinner that Greenlee’s planning,” covers Kendall. Greenlee doesn’t cook -- she doesn’t even microwave! Well, it’s a tasting dinner, catered. “I found your wallet,” says Erica. Guess where! The girls admit nothing and Erica leaves. “I don’t think she has a clue,” says Kendall. RIIGHT! Meanwhile, Dr. Madden’s remembering his wife crying over her inability to get knocked up. He promises to find a way. Interesting juxtaposition of memories, no?

NuJosh is on the prowl for dirt on Garret, furiously surfing the ‘Net. He thinks he has something, and shows it to Dani. No, it’s all good works and citations. Except...some of those “good works” were on the behalf of young women in trouble. Suspicious? Yep! NuDerek shows up and wants some answers from Dani about Garret. He believes her story. “I swear to you, honey, that man will pay for what he did to my little girl.” Background checks proved useless, though. Same here, says NuJosh. NuDerek thanks him for his help and vows to keep searching.

Tad visits Julia in jail, as NuDerek’s interrogating her. Garret’s snooping around, and Di/Dixie’s hot on his trail, reminding him of his promise not to kill Julia. Busy place, that PVPD! Tad switches from NuDerek’s aggressive questioning and talks to Julia in a soothing manner. She maintains that Di/Dixie is the key to finding The Dragon. Meanwhile, Garret (Dragonbreath) reminds Di/Dixie she can’t touch him. One wrong move and he’ll shred her happy new life. NuDerek tells Tad that his time with Julia is up; the feds have slapped a time limit on her visits. He asks Tad if he got anything out of her. No, just that she’s so thrilled to be here, she’s thinking of joining the ping pong team. Get her out of that cell already! Julia, in the meantime, is having cruel flashbacks to her Witness Protection orientation, which told her she no longer exists.

Tad’s surprised to find Di/Dixie and Garret together. “What’s going on?” “We were just chatting,” says Garret. Looked intense, says Tad. Di/Dixie covers, then introduces the two. Garret goes off to find Mimi. Di/Dixie asks how Julia is. “Right now, you’re her only hope,” Tad tells her.

The feds show up to escort Julia out of Pine Valley. They walk her past Tad and Di/Dixie, as Tad pleads for Di/Dixie’s help. “How can we go on with our lives and just watch her die?” “All right,” says Di/Dixie, “all right. I’ll give you the name that’ll save Julia’s life.” Tad hugs and kisses her. “That’s my Dixie! We’re gonna nail the bastard!” She sees Garret and freezes. “The man I went to meet was my ex, Kevin.” Too bad she doesn’t know that Sturgess was found dead. Too bad, also, that Tad does know.

The feds are driving Julia to an undisclosed location and have car trouble, breaking down at the side of the road. Suddenly, Julia’s having some kind of seizure! She knocks out the fed who came to her aid, stole his gun and split. Julia then hitches a ride. Too bad it’s Garret behind the wheel! She eventually notices that they’re not heading towards Philadelphia, as promised. Let me out now! Garret says he can explain. He claims to be a friend of Noah’s, a childhood friend. He uses an obscure nickname for Noah, Bagheera, after the panther in (Disney’s) “The Jungle Book.” And your nickname was? “Styles. I had it going on even as a kid!” Why the big mystery, why not be up front about it? Had to get out of Pine Valley first. Hmm. You’re older than Noah. About three years, said “Styles.” He always did like to hang with the big dogs! Julia’s taking this all in and starting to believe it. (Meanwhile, pandemonium reigns at the PVPD, as Mimi learns the feds have misplaced Julia, which means that Tad, Di/Dixie, and Zach also know.) Noah came and found him when he escaped the WPP. Now he’s in it until they find the guy who killed Noah. (Avoid mirrors, pal!) He asks Julia to trust him. “I couldn’t save Noah. Let me save you.” “How did you know where to find me?” Julia wonders. “Lucky for me you ended up in Pine Valley. I bought myself a cop to tip me off when you were brought in. Too bad about that engine trouble, huh?” “You? How’d you know I’d run?” “Noah would have run.” She asks if he knew Jimmy, and he says yes. Well, Jimmy’s dead, but his last words were about “The Dragon.” Any idea what he meant? No clue. They pull over at a rest stop for gas and snacks. He takes a call from Di/Dixie, who annoyingly, yet again, reminds him not to kill Julia. Garret tells Julia that the call was to set up a meeting with the guy who killed Noah. Next stop, New York City!

Adam returns from Crow Hollow, still looking a little green. Krystal shows up, all bubbly, and tells JR to “give your new stepmomma a big hug!” This is bogus! yells JR. Adam slinks back in. Both JR and Babe are shocked. “What were you thinkin’, Mama?” “I wasn’t thinkin’, I was drinkin’!” “Bull,” says JR, “you tricked him.” “She set me up every step of the way!” declares Adam. “Next best thing to being your wife is being your widow!” smiles the not-so-blushing bride. “You gotta get a divorce!” says Babe. Yes, agrees JR. “Not so fast, baby doll!” says Krystal. Look at all the abuse I’ve suffered. Wife deserves something...such as half of all her husband’s assets! WHAT? The Chandler men doth protest! Not one thin dime! It was just one night! Krystal’s in for the long haul, or at least until she gets half of everything. Adam reaches for the scotch. “Oh, no,” says JR, “you’re never drinking again!” Is there proof of this abomination? Video? Yeah, it was there for karaoke night. Well, you can get an annulment -- you didn’t consummate the marriage, right? “Three times.” “Pour me one of those,” says JR, “and make it a double.” Krystal tells Babe it was a setup. She wasn’t drunk. With the help of some good ol’ boys, she flimflammed him. Sly fox! Babe practically covers her ears as Mama divulges the gory details. “I need a shower now!”

Mimi and NuDerek have Di/Dixie, Tad and Zach in custody until they spill about Julia. Tad thoughtfully informed them about Jimmy’s dead body at Wildwind and implicated Zach. Di/Dixie and Tad are being held on various counts of obstructing justice. Kendall demands they release Zach. Greenlee demands that Kendall divorce Zach. Mimi and NuDerek demand answers from all, even Kendall! No one’s giving way. “Lean on them hard, all of them,” Mimi orders NuDerek, “let’s find out who that bastard is.” Oddly, NuDerek releases them all. He secretly puts tails on all of them, thinking he’ll get more information that way.

“You with a lab coat and me with a mop. Now what is wrong with this picture?” David’s shocked to see Jamie decked out in doctor duds while he’s sporting industrial green. “You walked away from my daughter for this coat and a pile of money.” Something tells me they won’t be sharing coffee on the sun porch any time soon! Jamie wonders why David still hates him so much, now that he and Babe are over. “Maybe I just hate you on general principle.” Nope, you hate that I’m working on my M.D. Oh, and because you still get Tad’s dust. And Tad’s even got the love of your life, Dixie! “You think so?” asks Dr. Evil. Hmm. Then Jamie drops the big bomb. Babe’s trying to get back with JR. David doesn’t believe it. Jamie advises him to use whatever he’s got on JR. Or else. David hauls ass over to the Chandler mansion and demands that JR stop using his daughter. He walks in on JR and Adam discussing their new “trailer twit” problem. Little does he know they’re talking about Krystal! “Zip it, Doctor Delusional!” says JR, who then reveals what’s going on. “Eww. Hayward's leftovers.” Congratulations are in order! “I’m the new Mrs. Chandler!” declares Krystal. “There may be snow on the mountaintop, but there’s still fire in the volcano!” Big collective “ew” moment. Tad and Di/Dixie show up and are told the happy news. Tad’s not thrilled.

Now in Manhattan, Garret escorts Julia to a beautiful apartment. A very special place that very few people know about. Only those that Garret wants to visit him. The place is crawling with electronic security. It’s his “situation room.” So, he asks, what are you going to do with this Dragon when you meet him? “I’m going to stop him. He’s destroyed too many lives. Stolen too many dreams.” They seem to bond a bit over breakfast, until Julia accidentally spills coffee on Garret’s shirt. No harm done; it’s only a shirt. As he removes it, she sees the small dragon tattoo on his back. Gulp. She realizes who he is, but doesn’t let on. He goes to take a shower, and she frantically tears at her bag. “Looking for this?” asks Garret, as he points her gun at her!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- AMC
Did you catch Tad saying Zach should turn into a bat and fly through the cell bars? Cute reference to his days as Dr. Ian Thornhart, the reluctant vampire on “Port Charles!”

Julia sure turned wooden after seeing Garret’s dragon tattoo, enough to make him suspicious even without her desperate search for her gun...a logical reaction for a woman on the run. Good job!

GH
Sonny swears to Reese that if Carly causes another accident, he will know he can’t help her and he’ll have her committed. It’s a pity, really, that no one every thinks to check the stairs, where Carly is (as usual) listening. She bolts. Sonny finds her poised at the window in Michael’s room. “You’re in a bad place, Carly. I want to help you!” But, she protests, Reese wants you to put me away!

Reese tells Emily that Sonny is ignoring the danger around him while tending to Carly. The Ruiz family is getting deadlier and more dangerous with each passing day, and Sonny’s totally at risk. Sonny’s still arguing with Carly, who remembers causing the car accident. She begs him not to send her to Shadybrook. He promises. She calms down and he tucks her into bed with a chaste kiss. Emily comes and tells Sonny that Elizabeth’s been taken to GH and may lose the baby. Uh-oh. Sonny sends her to GH to keep tabs on the situation. Reese tells him he’s protecting everyone but himself. Not even Jason’s cooperating! Sonny’s surprised that she even approached Jason. “I don’t want you to compromise yourself,” he tells her.

Max is back, fresh from the hospital, and Sonny tells him to ramp things up. Double the security! Sonny then goes to GH, where Emily tells him that Elizabeth lost the baby. He remembers the baby he and Carly lost. “She would never want to cause someone that pain.” He blames Durant for her being there in the first place. “She doesn’t know what she’s doing,” says Emily, “she needs you to make these decisions for her.” Reese finds Sonny at GH and he tells her about the miscarriage. He blames himself. If not for me...yada, yada, yada. Reese tries to calm him down, ease his guilt. He keeps going back to how Carly never had him committed. “She stood by me, she probably saved my life. How could I give up on Carly when she never gave up on me?” Both Emily and Reese tag-team Sonny about Carly’s condition. Emily warns him that if she hurts anyone else she loves, she’ll have her committed herself!

Carly wakes up, realizes she’s alone in the house, and feels terrified. What’s that at the back door -- FAITH? She screams at the apparition, and Max runs in. There’s no one out here, Carly. Max steps aside and discreetly calls Sonny, telling him he’d best get home. FAST. Sonny arrives. “Carly’s going from calm to crazy and back again,” Max tells him. He goes into the living room, where Carly’s sobbing on the couch. “I was so scared! She’s after the children!” “Who?” “Faith. She’s back to finish what she started!” “Faith Roscoe’s dead, Carly, you didn’t see her on the terrace. I watched her die. Now humor me and drink some tea.” Max calls Sonny over and points out fresh footprints. “Carly was right. Someone was here.” Looks like someone was walking the property line, looking for a way in. “Keep looking,” orders Sonny. “You found Faith?” asks Carly. No, she’s still dead. But we’ve doubled up the guards. Sonny tucks her into bed yet again as she apologizes for channeling Faith. “I can understand why you’re scared. Faith Roscoe’s an evil bitch who stole our sons.” You probably have some residual fears about her. But she’ll never hurt us or our family again. Sonny leaves. Guess who’s tapping at Carly’s window? Yep, that would be Faith!

Durant stops Jesse from bursting into Kelly’s to get Maxie away from Javier Ruiz. Jesse goes in anyway and asks to see Ruiz’s I.D. Hmm. Looks altered. Let’s go to the PCPD! “You picked the wrong guy to impress your girlfriend with.” Jesse goes to have Ruiz’s prints checked out. Durant visits Ruiz in the Interrogation Room. “I assume you’re here to avenge your brother and take out Sonny Corinthos.” Maxie shows up, berating Jesse for attacking a perfectly nice man. He shows her his raps sheet, and she’s singing a different tune. Gotta get my bad guy/perv radar working better! Durant berates Jesse for busting Ruiz too early. Go against me again and you’ll be looking for a new job! Jesse goes to Mac for help. Mac says he’ll put a tail on Ruiz. But it’s MY case! Mac reminds him that he’s working undercover on campus. That's your case! Now go find that sicko!

Nuevo Miami Lice -- Javier Ruiz and his merry men -- are setting up a welcome home present for Ric. No, not a case of champagne. No, not a plasma TV. More like a bomb. Ric’s checking out of GH and Reese offers him a ride home, which he accepts, considering his wife is nowhere to be found. Reese suggests he try harder to win Alexis back. “How do I walk away from the family I’ve always wanted?” Uh, to which family is he referring -- Alexis and their unborn child, or Sonny and his clan? Reese tells Ric the latest Carly story, and that Elizabeth lost her baby. Oh, and yeah, Javier Ruiz is in town, looking for revenge. Whoops, sorry about the Elizabeth miscarriage thing! I’m past that, says Ric, more or less. I can’t tell Sonny to have Carly committed, though. Nuevo Miami Lice finish their job at Ric’s and disperse. Ric and Reese arrive. He thanks her for carting him home. Should you be alone? wonders Reese. Ric turns to open the apartment door and Reese sees the wire stretched across the entrance (sloppy, sloppy, Nuevo Miami Lice!), and yells for Ric to stop. He jumps out of the doorway and onto Reese as explosions go off.

We next see Reese and Ric at the PCPD, reporting the bombing, so it’s obvious they survived. Durant blames it on a gas leak, not wanting to interfere with Nuevo Miami Lice’s plans for Sonny and his pals.

Mac decides to serve Dillon with a search warrant. Too bad he’s busy making out with Georgie on his bed. Bad timing, Commissioner! “I need a new father,” says Georgie. Maxie and Jesse stop by, also a bit of bad timing, as Mac throws Jesse up against the wall, angry that a drug-pushing pervert (that would be Dillon) was playing kissy-face with his daughter. Everyone calms down. In the lull, someone sneaks into Dillon’s room before the cops toss it and plants something incriminating. A photo stick in Dillon’s camera, with pictures of the latest roofie victim, taken earlier that evening. “He was with me all night!” declares Georgie. Any witnesses? Uh, NO! Dillon’s cuffed and led away. “Georgie, the people who are closest to someone are often the last to see,” offers Jesse. Then Jesse notices that Dillon’s window has been forced open. Seth comes by and confirms that someone was seen jumping out that window. A guy in a hooded sweatshirt. He tells the story to Mac at the PCPD, but it doesn’t fly. Jesse asks to speak with Mac alone. Whoever is framing Dillon will do it again, and we can catch him in the act. A classic sting, exults Dillon. There’s a catch: we all have to believe Dillon’s guilty. “That means he’s a pariah.”

Sam and Jason, having obviously spent some quality time together in bed, playfully argue about why Jason’s now doing paperwork. It’s for human resources at the new job, he says. Come upstairs and I’ll show you some very special human resources, promises Sam. Jason laughs. I know I have no memory, but I hope I wouldn’t have fallen for a lousy pickup line like that one! Nice to see them all nice and cuddly with each other! They snuggle in front of the fire. “I’ve missed this part so much,” says Sam. She grabs the candles and says they need them for the bathtub. “We don’t take baths every night, do we?” asks Jason, horrified. “We didn’t, but we do now!” as she scampers up the stairs.

After their vanilla bubblebath, Ric shows up and spoils the mood by telling Jason to take Sam and leave town. Things with the Ruiz family are really getting dangerous. He tells them about the bombing at his apartment. “I’m outta that business,” says Jason. “Are you leaving town?” asks Sam. “No, but I’m accepting Sonny’s protection.” He leaves. Jason’s off to work. Do you want to leave town? Not without you, says Sam. She makes him take his gun. “Please. I want you to be safe.” He complies. Bit of foreshadowing here? On his way to the docks, Jason hears shots. He returns fire and, inadvertently, saves Javier Ruiz’s life. “Morgan. You saved my life. Corinthos won’t be pleased. You stopped his gunmen from taking me out.” Whoopsie!

The next morning, Carly comes downstairs all upset, citing her latest sighting of Faith, outside the bedroom window. Sonny tells her that the boys are safe, Faith is already dead. “Remember when A.J. was dead and then he wasn’t?” she reminds him. “We’re all safe,” insists Sonny. Find Faith! she demands. Before the argument goes further, Emily brings Michael over for a visit. Carly’s thrilled to see him. Emily questions Sonny about his double standard -- had it been his baby lost as a result of the car accident, he’d have moved heaven and earth to find the person who caused it. But I gave my word that I wouldn’t have Carly committed! My WORD! Just then, Michael gets freaked out and scared because Carly’s insisting that he has to be careful because Faith’s alive. He runs from her to Sonny. “Your momma’s just a little confused right now.” Emily escorts Michael back to the guesthouse. Time to deal with Carly. “You gotta stop obsessing about Faith, Carly.” Carly compares it to Charlotte’s resurrection. Alone, she has a scary conversation with herself, swearing she’d kill to protect her kids.

Dr. Winters visits Carly, and then tells Sonny that Carly’s becoming a danger to herself and others. Carly, at the top of the stairs, listening (duh!), has another vision of Faith, and violently falls down the entire flight of stairs!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- GH
When Jax ran out of Elizabeth’s room, yelling for a doctor, why the hell did Emily run in the opposite direction?

Courtney’s queasiness seems awfully like morning sickness, no? Here’s the “who’s the daddy” storyline that newly-pregnant IRL Kari (Reese) Wuhrer offered to play. So, whose sperm beat the nearly insurmountable odds and killed the rabbit? Jax has always boasted a fine physique, but my money’s on that enviable Cassidine bod. Plus, Nik’s been talking about how the insane Cassidine DNA should stop with him, which makes him the likely father in my book. (Guess he’s been talking to Ryan Lavery in Pine Valley!)

Show promos are hinting that Robin Scorpio returns to The Chuckles as the only one who can save Jason’s life. To that, I say: Barf me out. Gag me with a pitchfork.

Nice use of history when Lucky took Cameron to “Aunt Ruby’s” (Kelly’s) and said how much she’d have loved him. Again, when the writers throw us little history bones, I for one am happy to get them!

Three brief (fleeting, really) appearances of Faith Roscoe equal three brief, cruel teases. Bring her back! There’s always a way!

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AMC
It’s the night before Mimi and Garret’s wedding. As he’s about to leave and spend the night in a hotel, Mimi gets a 911 call that will likely last all night. Why don’t you just stay here with Dani? If you insist! The biggest, most triumphal grin spreads broadly across his lecherous face. Dani’s surprised when he come in and tells her of the change in plans. “Guess it’s just you and me for my bachelor party.” Gulp. Dani tells him she won’t be moving back to New York with them. Any particular reason? “I feel at home here; I don’t want to leave.” He says he understands. Dani says good night. Garret watches as she leaves the living room.

Dani takes a pre-bedtime shower. Guess who comes in the bathroom? And guess whose towel falls off? OOPS! It was an accident, he claims, it’ll never happen again! She slams the door. Garret has a look of total ecstasy on his face.

Dani’s pacing the hallway outside the apartment when Mimi unexpectedly comes home early. (NuDerek had told her not to spend the night before her wedding on a case.) What’s wrong, baby? “There’s something I have to tell you. You can’t marry Garret.” “Why not?,” asks a stunned Mimi. “He’s after me. He wants me.” Mimi is speechless. Dani tells her he’s been trying to seduce her. Mimi wants to talk to Garret. This can't be true. Dani tells her the story from the start. The looks. The vibes. What he’d say to her. The bedroom. The Boutique dressing room. Did he touch you? No, but what about tonight, in the bathroom? Did you confront him? Yes, and he denied it. “These are some serious charges, Dani!” You waited until the night before the wedding to drop this bomb? The rolling blackout hit then, and Mimi saw first-hand how Garret approached Dani in the dark. “I want to hear it from you, Garret. Have you been coming on to Dani?” He dances around the question, claiming that he learned that she had a crush on him. “I thought I could handle this on my own.” Dani can’t believe it. “You’ve been perving on me since day one!” Well, he says, tonight in the bathroom, Danielle dropped her towel and told me she was my bachelor party. “WHAT? You liar! You’re twisting everything around to make me look bad!” “Dani, how could you? How could you tell such horrible lies? Tell the truth, take it all back!” Dani’s dismayed and disappointed, to say the least. “I’m not the liar, Garret is.” Mimi and Dani argue. “Danielle, I think you should go.” “You’re kicking me out?” “Dani, please go.” Dani and Garret exchange hard looks and she leaves. Mimi cries. “What did Dani do to you?”

The next day, few people show up for the wedding. Jack, Reggie, NuDerek and Livia are the only ones there, save the happy couple and the minister. Dani makes an entrance with NuJosh, who promptly decks the groom! Garret heaps a ton of charges on Josh, including sexual assault on Dani at the beach! Heads will roll, roars Garret! NuJosh spills all, and NuDerek is really ticked. Garret announces that NuJosh took Dani’s virginity and the two of them are in cahoots to blow up their wedding. Livia’s cooler head prevails, as she takes Dani aside and asks for the whole story. Mimi defends Garret to NuDerek. Reggie defends Dani. When she lived with me in New York, she always lied, cries Mimi. Livia and Dani return to the crazed throng. Lawyer Livia’s on the job! Why do you have to get married right now? Straighten everything out, first. “No. Today is our wedding day. Anyone who can’t be happy for us doesn’t belong here.” Dani runs off. The wedding ceremony starts and Mimi and Garret take their vows. Suddenly, Mimi’s phone rings! This is big, life and probably death big. She takes off. Garret smiles. It’s rather an evil smile, at that.

Uncle Stuart’s got the heebie-jeebies about Adam. JR, is something wrong? Well, not that either one of them knows, but Adam and Krystal are hanging in Crow Hollow, West Virginia. Separately, at first. “You’re in my territory...GIT! Scram!,” declares Adam. They spar about which one of them belongs there. He does, however, want to know if she’s tracked down any female kinfolk of Del’s. Not yet. She meets up with a local, Willy Wormwood, who seems to have the skinny on the Hunkle/Henry clan. Her cover: she’s writing a novel and needs some local flavor. He doesn’t know of any Hunkle daughters. Oh well, time for the Moonshine Drinkoff!

Next morning, both Adam and Krystal are feeling the effects of a major hangover, not improved by the loud screams they emit when they realize they’re in bed together -- stark naked! The only explanation is...unthinkable! Ah, yes, the Moonshine Drinkoff! Bits and pieces are coming back to them. Adam also remembers some phenomenal sex. “You were screaming, ‘Oh, yes, Adam, yes, Adam! Oh, yes, Adam!’” He tries to pay for her silence. She doesn’t take money for sex. First time for everything! And, what’s this? A marriage certificate?

Zach confronts Tad at his house during the rolling blackout. Looks like he’s found another version of Di/Dixie’s letter! Tad opens it. It’s blank. Gotcha! See, says Zach, you know there’s another letter out there -- let’s go find it!

Simone’s freaking out as production of Fusion’s new line has been stalled due to the rolling blackouts. Greenlee rushes in, scared that Kendall’s been hurt! After all, her car’s got some fresh damage to its rear! It’s nothing, Kendall assures her. Greenlee freaks out: no driving, not even stiletto heels for nine months! Hey, the eggs aren’t even in place yet! Chill! Greenlee goes up to the roof, seriously missing Ryan. The blackout rolls over. Kendall comes up just as Greenlee’s climbing out onto Mr. Ledge again. Kendall and Greenlee have a sob-a-thon. Suddenly, Simone’s on the roof, too, with Greenlee’s cell phone -- and Ryan’s sister is on the other end! Erin tells her she’d heard about her brother. “Do you know about Jonathan and Braden?” Yes. “I’m so sorry for all your losses.” Ryan’s listening as Greenlee tells Erin that life without Ryan is no life at all. Erin gets off the phone quickly. Simone and Kendall want to know what happened. Greenlee thinks it’s a sign. “My baby’s aunt. Aunt Erin.”

Julia’s peering through from the secret passageway as Di/Dixie discovers that Tad’s discovered her letter, “to be read in case of death or disappearance.” It tells nothing of Kevin Sturgess or The Dragon; a mere declaration of love. Before Di/Dixie can rip him a new one, Tad tries to convince her that they can yet again have it all. He still wants to know what she knows, though. Oh, and a future with her. IF she trusts him, that is! Sure, Tad, she just caught you going through her possessions! Real trustworthy! “I’m scared,” she says, unwilling to give up the name of the person who’s after Julia. Plus, she doesn’t want to go into the same Witness Protection Program that Julia’s running from. She hints that Kevin is not the top guy. That’s enough for Tad (he’s a professional detective, you know!). He runs out, on the case. Julia emerges from the secret passageway and pulls a gun on Di/Dixie. “You’re so worried about losing your own life. You tell me the name of that top guy, or you’re going to lose yours right now.” Suddenly, the lights go out! They struggle for the gun. My, Di/Dixie’s stronger than she seems! She momentarily gets the gun, but Julia overpowers her and has the gun aimed at Di/Dixie. GIVE ME THE NAME OR DIE! The lights come on, as Di/Dixie continues to refuse to give her the name. “Go ahead and shoot.” Eventually, Julia puts the gun down. “I knew you wouldn’t shoot me.” Now, listen to my plan! I can help you, Julia! “So, what’s your big plan?” Better than you don’t know, keep out of it. Oh, yeah, like that's going to happen! Di/Dixie convinces Julia to crash at the house of Chandler. The next morning, Tad barges in, with tales of Zach ransacking his house, looking for the letter. “Dixie. It’s your insurance policy.” Now, where is it? She holds fast, and he leaves, swearing he’ll get the information out of Sturgess. Julia emerges and says, “You’re meeting him, aren’t you? The man who wants me dead.? Di/Dixie refuses to let Julia come with. She’s meeting the mystery man on her own. It’s newly-wed Garret!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- AMC
JR nearly ralphed at the Infant CPR course when told the couples would be practicing on each other! Sparklets fly? “No, I cringed,” said JR. Babe is working him, though. “You have a nice laugh. You should use it more.”

“What are you going to do, dangle a participle in front of them?” Tad on Del’s self-defense skills. Good one!

David Canary and Bobbie Eakes (Adam and Krystal) have never shown as much chemistry as they’re doing now, with the “Whoops, we got drunk and got married!” story. He has a nasty habit of doing this: remember his wedding to Arlene, Hayley’s mom? Also fueled by too much alcohol. Maybe Adam should check out a meeting!

GH
Sonny comes to Jason’s penthouse, thinking that his heroics against Miami Lice mean he’s back in the fold. He starts telling Jason how to handle things, but Jason’s got other ideas. He puts his hand up (as in “talk to the hand”) and says, “I’m done. I’m done killing for you, okay? I don’t want any part of you, or your business, or your life.” What are you talking about? You just took out Ruiz and his men! “I did it out of reaction, I didn’t do it for you. And that was the last time!” Sonny is stunned. Jason then tells him he needn’t worry about any secrets he may have been privy to, as he’s forgotten everything, anyway. That’s not an issue, says Sonny. We’ve got something more than just business! (No, they don’t embrace, sorry. I know, I know.) “We’re supposed to be friends, but I’m not real clear on how someone asks a friend to do the things I did for you. Apparently, I was grateful for some reason.” You didn’t do it for a paycheck -- you were like a brother to me! “Ten years ago, you walked into my place of business...all those years ago, you came into my nightclub in the middle of the band’s second set. You threw a fit, broke things, threw furniture -- you pretty much had a meltdown. People were trying to force you to be someone you weren’t. I related. I have a temper. I’m not always what people expect me to be. And when I told you that I knew what it feels like to get so angry that you wanna break something, you asked me if I was brain-damaged, too. That was it.” Jason: “Then, somehow, I became your hit man. See, that’s the part I’m really having a hard time trying to understand.” “You went from being alone to having a family. My younger son, Morgan, is your godson, your namesake, and Michael worships the ground you walk on. You’re the only other person, aside from my sons, that Carly would throw herself in front of a train for, if she was in a state of mind to make that decision.” “I wish I could say that meant something to me. Answer me one question, did I enjoy my work?” Sonny nods. “You were great at it. The one thing that you lost in the accident was fear. You were never scared. And I think that the more you pushed the envelope, the more you needed to feel that adrenaline rush. The first time you offered to pick up a gun for me, I tried to talk you out of it, but you didn’t want any part of it, so I respected your decision.” Jason’s not liking this. “A lot of people blame you for turning me into who I was,” he says. “You know what? Things were more complicated than that. I offered you a job as a courier so you could get your life together. My first wife, who died, she was murdered. You didn’t judge me. You stepped right into a vacuum and did what had to be done. So, did I turn you into a killer? I don’t know. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out in your head. Maybe you will figure it out, or maybe it doesn’t matter. You’re my brother. And I will respect whatever decision you make, including the one you’re gonna make right now.” Jason nods and says, “Thank you.” “You need to get out of Port Charles. It’s not safe for you here if you want to live. You need to live.” Jason’s not sure. Sonny assures him he can always come home.

Sonny meets Sam on the docks and tells her that Jason’s done with his job and with him. Jason needs to get out of town...but Sonny needs Sam to stay. “You’re crazy. I would never let him go without me!” You’ll be a distraction and you’ll get him killed. No way. “You’ve gotta let him go,” Sonny insists. Now it’s Sam’s turn to say no way! It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to ask you to do, but you gotta do it. She goes to Jason, who tells her he has to leave in order to find himself. Sam agrees. “I hate the idea of you going out into the world without me, but I love you, and you need to decide for yourself. I’m not going to get in your way.” Jason says thank you for the second time that day. “Before you go, Jason, there is one thing I’d like to say, okay? Don’t worry, I haven’t changed my mind, but I wanted to thank you. I need you to hear this, and maybe, some day, this will be important to you. I wanna thank you for giving me a life when the one I had was meaningless. I know I’ve already told you the big important stuff, like when my baby died, showing me how to love again and giving me a home, but there are some things that I forgot to say. Thank you for your patience. You may not remember this, but I have this tendency to just ramble, like now. You just sorta let me talk until I figure it out, you know, whatever it is I’m trying to say. I guess what I’m trying to say is my life won’t be the same without you, but because you once loved me, I think I can find the strength to be okay. I’ll still hope, every day, that you will remember what we shared and you’ll want to come back to me, but if that day never comes, at least you’ll have this memory, and you’ll know what you meant to me.” “Sam,” says an obviously pained Jason, but she stops him. “Don’t. Please. Unless the last words out of your mouth are ‘I love you, I’m staying,’ I don’t want to hear them.” Brushing back tears, she takes out his meds and starts telling him when to take them. He looks at them, then at Sam, who smiles through her tears. He then walks out the door and presses the elevator button. Conflicted and torn, he leaves. Sam cries on the apartment stairs. There’s a knock at the door. Two cops, looking for Jason. One looks suspiciously like the waltz king on “Dancing With the Stars.” Sam tells them he’s gone.

On his way out of town, Jason visits the grave of “Baby Girl McCall.” (Wasn’t she named either Lila or Adela? Strange.) He talks to the baby and asks her to watch out for her mother. Just then, Sam shows up. She’s touched by his words. Another heart-rending moment passes between them. Why did you come here? “To try one last time to remember so I wouldn’t have to leave,” admits Jason. “I want to stay with you.” He takes her in his arms. EMMY REEL! They return to the penthouse. Sam suggests they order Chinese. What do I like? “Well, the only time I’ve seen you in fear was when I tried to make you eat squid.” “Let’s just get a salad.” Sam agrees. He apologizes for walking out earlier. “I’m sorry to put you through that, but having you let me go is how I knew I could stay.” He kisses her, and a stupid promo for the next Oprah show covers half of their image. Damn these crappy promo plugs! Well, it was a tender moment, regardless. If we only had “Shop the Soaps” to sell us “I hate squid” t-shirts, but they sure wouldn’t be the 3/$9.99 K-Mart version that Jason wears! But I digress...

Later, Sam’s scared when she thinks Jason has left, and relieved when he returns. They share more thoughts, even more emotions. “The only thing I’m sure about right now is you,” says Jason. They discuss his employment prospectives. No more doing stuff that hurts people. Hmm. Jason looks for work on the docks. Seems no one wants to hire him. Bad resume. A kind salvage worker recognizes Sam and hires Jason to operate a crane, despite recognizing him. He’s impressed by Jason’s work. Meanwhile, Reese is warning Sam that Javier Ruiz is coming to town, which could be deadly for Jason. “He does not want to carry a gun. He will not kill people.” Reese says he has to do one last job. We have to find a way to make him do it.” “Do what?,” asks Jason, fresh from his supposedly legitimate job. Unknown to all, the kind salvage man is on Alcazar’s payroll!

Carly spies on Emily and Reese, who are discussing Jason. She drops her “wedding invitation” and goes to retrieve it after the two leave the room. Suddenly, Emily’s back! “What’s that behind your back, Carly?” She covers. “Something private that Michael made for me.” Score! Then she notices Emily’s sapphire earrings (“Something borrowed! Something blue!,” she thinks), sweet-talks her, and asks to borrow them for today, her special day. Special? Well, you know, a new life, a fresh start. Indeed. Sonny comes home that night after his emotional discussions with Jason and Sam to find the stairway railing festooned with garlands of white flowers, a large wedding cake, and Carly in a bridal gown, carrying a bouquet down the stairs. She smiles radiantly and informs him that the priest is on the way. “All you have to say is ‘I do.’” We can’t get married tonight, he says. Father Coates shows up. “Surprise!” Uh, thanks, but we can’t get married tonight, let’s reschedule. No, exclaims Carly, let’s do it! Sonny tries to take Father Coates aside, but Carly insists they get married. You’re not divorced from Alcazar! That’s okay, we’ll make it legal later! He tries to explain that they’ve done it before and decided it didn’t work. But you asked me! Were you lying then, or are you lying now? Emily observes this and goes running to Dr. Winters, asking for her help. You have to see my friend tonight! Sorry, the shrink says, I’ve got plans. Fortunately, they’re with Justus! Someone Emily can manipulate!

Sonny’s still trying to talk some sense into Carly. She grabs the knife meant for the wedding cake. Sonny grabs the blade. Now she’s really upset. In walks Emily, Justus and Dr. Winters. Get out, hisses Sonny, who’s got Carly wrapped in a tight hug, comforting her as he bleeds. Dr. Winters talks to Carly, admires her dress, and suggests that Emily bandage Sonny’s hand. Call me Lainie, says the doc. It’s my middle name, but I don’t like my first name. “My name is Caroline, but I hate it, so everyone calls me Carly.” They leave the room together. Sonny berates Emily for bringing in a shrink. She’ll call the cops, have Carly committed! No, she’s a friend of Justus’ and she’s here as a favor. Not your choice! I know what’s best for my wife! Ex-wife! Mother of my sons!

Dr. Winters confirms that Carly’s in the middle of a nervous breakdown, but if she doesn’t want to go to a hospital, she shouldn’t. Dr. Winters agrees to come visit Carly “as a friend,” try to help her. Emily puts Carly to bed and Sonny comforts her. He then leaves her alone and meets Emily by the wedding cake. He can’t believe how she arranged everything for their “wedding.” He’s filled with self-doubt. Emily reassures him. “When I walked in and saw you holding her...that’s love. That’s the kind that’s strong enough to get you through anything.” Sonny, alone, cradles Carly’s wedding bouquet as a tear runs down his face.

Ric’s back in GH, with his wound re-opened, discussing the evening’s events with Reese. He tells her that he does have a dark side, but still can’t get over the fact that he picked up a gun and tried to kill a complete stranger. She shares the story of her first kill, a child molester. Aww! Reese tries to comfort him with the fact that Ruiz is scum and would have possibly killed everyone around him. Too bad Durant’s spying at the door. She leaves, he’s waiting. “Florence Nightingale. Sweet.” Durant knows Ric was involved in the Miami Lice shooting, and he can prove it with the DNA on the piece of duct tape on the back of the bench at the shooting scene, a perfect place to hide a gun. Seems we’ve been watching the same late night movies. Reese scoffs, but Durant is confident. Anyway, it’s not Sonny I want, he says -- it’s you. “If I can’t nail Corinthos, I’ll nail his girl. Meet me at my hotel. Wear heels. If you don’t, college boy Lansing goes to jail.”

Durant’s lounging on his bed, looking very satisfied with himself, as Reese walks in. “It’s a little hot for a coat,” she says, and it slips off to reveal her in revealing lingerie, complete with sexy seamed stockings, heels, and handcuffs. “I’ve always painted you as a girl with a bad-boy fetish.” “You’re right. I like the bad boys,” and she starts to take off her heels. Oh, no, don’t do that!, he protests. “You like that, eh? What else do you like?” Reese straddles him. “Drink up, bad boy,” and she feeds him some hooch from her glass. Which she then smashes, a la Sonny. Handcuffs Durant to the bed...and leaves him there! But not before gagging him and putting the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door! Good one! Reese returns later, with a Polaroid camera and a hooker in tow. Time for some compromising photos of the D.A.! She reviews her work. “Different strokes for different folks, I guess.” Close the file on the Ruiz shooting or these babies go on the Internet! Kiss your career goodbye! A parting shot from Durant: “Does your boyfriend know you’re doing his brother?”

Lorenzo visits Ric in the hospital. He’s there to confirm Ric’s role in the Miami Lice shooting. The Ruiz family demands to know. Frankly, Lorenzo thinks Jason was the shooter. “Jason doesn’t even know his own name.” Careful. The Ruiz family will want revenge, warns Alcazar. Tell your friends that Port Charles is Sonny’s territory. Stay out. Lorenzo says Manny’s brother, Javier, is going to want answers. He leaves. Reese comes in and tells Ric she’s got a real thick file on Javier Ruiz. Nasty fellow. “You don’t understand how this world works!” It’s the street, not a courtroom! “Sonny needs me for once in his life. I’m his last hope,” declares Ric. Her response? “Not necessarily.”

Ric’s next visitor is Durant, who comes in to find Ric chuckling over some of Reese’s earlier photography work. “I knew you were in on this, Lansing.” No, says Ric, “it was Reese’s collar. Well, actually, her handcuffs, too!” Chortle all you want, replies Durant, but the Ruiz family is going to take care of everything for me. “And your photos will not be nearly as amusing as mine.” When they’re done with you, Sonny’s next. If I’m lucky, Jason, too!

Georgie and Dillon share breakfast at Kelly’s before she’s shipped off to boarding school in Texas. She has 24 hours to change her parents’ minds. Maxie pleads Georgie’s case to Mac. He shows her video footage found on Dillon’s camera. “Do you still think your sister’s safe with Dillon?” Yes! He’s always doing kooky stuff!

Jesse and Lucky try to convince Dr. Winters to act as a profile in the roofie case. She agrees to look at the files.

Major confrontation between Dillon, Brook, Lucas and Diego. Dillon’s hurt that Brook doesn’t totally believe in him. Diego is tired of being a suspect. Everyone’s upset!

Georgie tells Mac she’s not going anywhere. Okay, out comes the video! Footage of her shot while she’s sleeping, unaware. Dillon’s an artist, he has to practice! He’s innocent! Why are you so determined to ruin his life? Well, somehow Georgie got Mac to bag the boarding school idea, and tells Dillon. How? We argued a lot, but I explained to Mac that you’re in training to be a director. However, Mac’s still suspicious. Lucky tries to talk him down. Dillon’s been here two years and what do we know about him? Maybe there’s a reason why Tracy dragged him around Europe! Give him a break, says Lucky. No longer, replies Mac.

Justus asks Lainie (Dr. Winters) what the cops wanted with her. She describes the profile of the roofie guy. A loner, wealthy, lives in a fantasy world. Domineering mother, absentee father...sound like anyone you know? Gulp. He doesn’t respond, but WE know he’s thinking cousin D.Q.!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- GH
The Spencer in Lucky sure reared up and said “Hiya!” when he planted that tape recorder and got Jax, laying out his plan to trash Elizabeth in court, then tried to blackmail him! No doubt Luke would be proud.

Wouldn’t it have been nice to see some of the first Sonny/Jason scenes as Sonny was describing them?

NuLucas made his debut this week. At this rate, the opening sequence is going to be one expensive reshoot. Well, not on his behalf, as Lucas has never been in the opening sequence, but with all the other impending cast changes, not to mention the ones made but not yet changed, it’s going to be a whole ‘nother ball game. Perhaps they’re waiting to see if Alicia Leigh Willis (Courtney) is going to renew her contract.

Loved it when Sam had a little fun with Jason, telling him he liked bubble baths, shopping, and, especially, shopping for bubble bath and fragrant oils!

Kelly Monaco (Sam) participated in a “Dance Off” on behalf of all the John O’Hurley fans who called her “Dancing With the Stars” win a fix (well, okay, that wasn’t the only reason, but let’s get real). Each performed three numbers with their professional dance partners, and O’Hurley matched her previous perfect score with his second routine, a waltz. In my opinion, it was an easy way out for a tall, elegant man who can perform a slow-tempo dance with grace while constantly mugging the audience with his facial grimaces. Okay, I admit I’m slightly biased, but Monaco did not look for shortcuts, performing all three of her dances with considerable gusto and guts. At the end, they were separated by something like one percentage point, and O’Hurley won. Somehow, I don’t think Monaco is going to spew sour grapes as he did after the original competition. Good going, Kelly -- you’re a true professional!

---

AMC
“So. Di Kirby. Which one of your friends wants me dead?” What an introduction! Julia, hiding in Tad’s attic, confronts Di/Dixie and Tad. She badgers Di/Dixie until Tad tells her to lay off. Now Julia thinks TAD’S betrayed her. He knew who Di/Dixie was all along and kept quiet. She storms out. Tad and Di/Dixie argue. He doesn’t trust her, she says. Okay, fine, just don’t tell anyone about Julia. That did it! Di/Dixie storms out. Tad can’t say or do anything right these days! Heavy sigh. He goes to the attic to tell Julia it’s time to relocate and discovers she’s already figured that out for herself.

Separately, and for their own reasons, Tad, Julia, and Babe all end up prowling the Chandler mansion tunnels, looking for Di/Dixie’s letter. Watch out!

Josh spies on Garret and Dani, certain he’ll be able to spot him as a lech. Dani asks Garret if he’s about to kiss her. He moves in and plants one...on her forehead. Innocent enough, right? He then tries to sell her on a move to NYC, back with him and her mom. Her own space in the apartment, even her own entrance. Josh thinks Garret is definitely after Dani. He’s practicing Seduction 101. Easy does it. If Dani had said yes, Garret would have closed the deal. He’s a mogul; that’s how Wall Streeters act (based on Josh’s brief work experience on the Street). “The guy is trolling for you. Trust your instincts, Dani. Stay away from that guy.” He encourages her to tell Mimi, who conveniently shows up. As Dani’s about to open up, NuDerek joins them. Dani clams up. Josh leaves. NuDerek tells Dani that he’s coming to the wedding. Mimi thinks all is well, so what’s the problem, kiddo? Oh, nothing, she lies.

Zach does not approve of the surrogacy plan. Kendall tells him nothing’s coming between her womb and Ryan’s baby. Zach begs to differ. He doesn’t feel she’s emotionally up to it. I’m your business partner, not your wife, says Kendall. Hmm, how does Erica feel about this?, wonders Zach. Bet she’d devote an entire “New Beginnings” show to this story! Ryan’s dead; why can’t you accept that? Greenlee looks ready to seriously bitch-slap him! Kendall thinks Zach is jealous of a dead man. “You’ve got some pretty big brass, not that I'd know,” says Kendall. Ryan’s genes be damned, look at Miranda! She’s got Michael Cambias’ genes, and she’s fine. Zach changes tactics and accuses Greenlee of being selfish, taking advantage of her best friend. “I’m trying to keep the both of you from making the biggest mistake of your life.” Zach leaves. “Did I really take advantage of you?,” asks Greenlee. “Don’t pay any attention to Zach. He hates it when the world doesn’t revolve around him.”

Erica’s “New Beginnings” show, where “we celebrate risk takers,” is the subject of Kendall’s nightmare. Greenlee shakes her awake. Time to kick Project Baby into high gear! And also time to launch “New Beginnings.” Plagued with missing tape and self-doubt, Erica is both comforted and pumped up by her extended family. Greenlee and Kendall, of course, are also hoping to intercept Zach, should he show up to share news of Project Baby. Zach does show up, and wishes Erica luck and “a 40 share.” Naturally, he says, there are some new beginnings that shouldn't be celebrated. Stop right now, orders Kendall. Saved by a technical issue Erica needs to go solve. The girls berate Zach. What is he afraid of? You want another Ryan. This child will fail you. “I will love this child for who it is and where it came from,” declares Greenlee. Will he be like his father, Ryan, or his uncle, Jonathan, ponders Zach. Bastard! Erica’s back, and wants to know what’s up. Zach surprises everyone by saying there would be a special wing for babies at the Miranda Montgomery Center, named for Ryan. What a nice way to honor Ryan, keep his name alive, exclaims Erica. Some are doing even more, says Zach, as Kendall and Greenlee quietly turn purple. Privately, Kendall asks Zach why he didn’t tell. You’re going to give birth to this baby, love this baby, then give it away. Can you do what your mother did to you? Not the same thing, says Kendall. Really? How will you be able to give up this baby?, wonders Zach. Greenlee overhears, and concedes that Zach makes a good point. “I’m not going to use you as a petri dish, then run off yelling, ‘See you later, sucker!’” You’ll be as involved with this child’s life as you want to be, no less. Zach has a question: why didn’t you simply use a surrogate?

“New Beginnings” began with panache and a plethora of famous guests, mostly on taped remote from NYC. Erica rang the NASDAQ opening bell, met up with Rudy Giuliani, who thanked her for highlighting New York in her inaugural show, then toured Grand Central Station. A little shopping, then a visit with author/designer Simon Doonan in Battery Park City (Doonan is creative director of Barney’s New York, a chi-chi clothing emporium), with a shameless plug for his new novel. Then Erica visits Harlem, and stops for a bite at Sylvia’s famous soul food restaurant. Doug E. Fresh, “the human beat box,” encouraged her to visit often. They toasted Harlem over a plate of gorgeous ribs (not that I saw La Kane actually pick one up, but I truthfully don’t know how even she could resist!). She next toured the “Regis and Kelly” set and got some tips from Regis Philbin, then met with the ladies of “The View” for some more advice (sans Barbara Walters, alas). “Don’t think of me as competition!,” she tells them. “We will kill you,” replied Star Jones Reynolds, slightly seriously. Time for a concert in Bryant Park with Clay Aiken, an encounter with performers from Broadway’s “All Shook Up,” whose two stars then performed on the actual set of “New Beginnings.” Later: visits with New York sports stars Tiki Barber (Giants), Al Leiter (Yankees), and Allan Houston (Knicks). What a debut!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- AMC
Nice Brady Bunch-style panel of boxes for the set of “New Beginnings!” It’s got three more boxes, but then again, the extended Kane/Montgomery family certainly can fill them up!

Zach is sounding strangely like GH’s Lucky, with his arguments about Kendall being able to carry a child, growing to love it and then giving it away, isn’t he?

Guess who’s looking in on Little Adam (or Little A, as he’s also called) at PVH? Uncle Jamie, who is now working there, observing under Grandpa Joe. Obviously, he’s on the med school fast track that so many daytime characters have taken.

When Erica was talking to the handbag designer in one of her New York City segments, and the designer shared her story of post-partum depression, I half expected Tom Cruise to leap out of the wings!

“The View” tapes in the same West 65th Street building as AMC, so it’s an easy transition from their set to the "New Beginnings" set.

Incidentally, the hosts of “The View” were pretty funny in the “Welcome, Erica!” sequence, looking unhappy to have another daytime host who would vie for one of those Daytime Emmys! Far better than “America’s Mayor” (Giuliani), who kept jumping on his lines as if he were running a race.

GH
Carly’s sleeping like a baby as Sonny comes in to check on her. She wakes. He says, “I was worried about you,” and kisses her. Suddenly, she wakes from her dream! Sam’s there, asking if she’s all right. “Of course. It’s all very clear,” replies Carly. Uh-oh! “What’s clear?,” asks Sam. “It’s time to make things right,” replies Carly. (Be afraid. Be very afraid!) Plenty of time for that, Sam reassures her. Carly thinks evil thoughts about Sam. Alone, Carly grabs a pen and writes, “You are invited to the wedding of Carly and Sonny Corinthos.” REALITY CHECK! Sonny comes to visit Carly, and she hides the wedding invitation. He wants to ask her something. Ooh, ooh, he’s going to propose! No, he wants to know if she’d rather be somewhere else. Uh-uh! She’s happy right where she is! Especially since she thinks he just asked her to marry him!

Sonny asks Reese to help him save his family. He wants her to tap into the FBI database to get info on the Ruiz organization (known hereafter as Miami Lice, thanks to John Durant, one of his best quips) in Miami. I can work here, Sonny, but perhaps the penthouse might be better. Reese goes on to point out that they need not be separated to facilitate Carly’s therapy. She leaves, disappointed. “Alone at last!,” exults Carly. Sonny’s surprised to see her so chipper. Carly leaves and places a call to a wedding planner. (Where’s Elton when you need him?) She tells her she’s remarrying her husband at his estate. Next week. Carly then dreams of dancing with Sonny, dressed, respectively, in bridal gown and tuxedo. Not a good sign. Will Sonny realize the depth of her renewed obsession?

The Jason isn’t taking orders any longer. “That business thing you want taken care of, I’m sorry, you’re on your own.” Sonny is nearly at a loss for words: “I didn’t know you were this lost.” Yeah, well, I know what I was to you. I don’t know anything about my own life, but I know weapons, explosives, technology -- where the hell does that come from? “You are a smart, fearless man. You do what needs to be done.” “Out of loyalty?” “Yes.” “If I owe you something, I don’t know what it is. All the things they say I’ve done for you, what I read about in the police files, I can’t do it any more. I won’t.” “Forget about me,” says Sonny, “what do you want?”  I don’t even know who I am! I have to figure that out first! He leaves. Sam comes downstairs. Was that Jason? Yes, and you have to follow him and find him; he’s going to get himself killed! “Everyone knows he’s my enforcer...if they see him, they’ll shoot first and ask questions at the funeral!” Sam, you’ve gotta find him and convince him he’s in danger. Take him to the island!

Jason goes to the docks, where, as predicted, he’s recognized by Ruiz, whose goon Jason swiftly disarms. “I don’t know you and I don’t want to kill you, so don’t make me,” and Jason runs off. The Miami Lice realize he’s not Sonny’s enforcer any longer. That means Sonny’s vulnerable! And they plan to use Jason!

Jason returns to Greystone, and Sam tries to convince him that Sonny’s in danger. How do I know you’re not lying to me? Let’s go to the island, begs Sam. Forget it, says Jason, I’m not going. I need you, replies Sam, and you need me, even if you don’t know it.

Alan’s still pushing for brain surgery for Jason. Monica tells him it won’t turn him back into JQ. He blames her, as usual, for not caring enough and says he’s had it with her pessimism. He’ll do whatever it takes to save his son. With that, he sticks out his tongue (just kidding, but it’s infantile, like his behavior!) and walks away.

After refusing to go away with Sam, Jason ends up at GH and asks Dr. Jones why the meds aren’t working. Have you had any headaches, any seizures? Not as many, replies Jason. Well, then, the meds are doing their job. Give it time. Dr. Jones is still displaying that nasty bedside manner, but Jason hasn’t yet remembered why. Jason wants more instant results, and demands options. Suddenly, there’s Alan, suggesting brain surgery! Isn’t it risky? “Sometimes you have to take risks to reap rewards,” says Alan. “Did he mention it could kill you?,” pipes in Monica. Alan and Monica argue, as Jason listens intently. Sam shows up. He glares at her. “How long have you known about this?” She kept the surgery option quiet because it could kill him. They go off and argue themselves about the risks and benefits of surgery. I need to know I can trust you, says Jason. Everybody else wants something from me. “What if the operation kills you?,” asks Sam. I’m not afraid! If you died, I wouldn’t be able to go on, Sam confesses. “Usually, I’m a gambler, but I’m not willing to risk your life...without you, my life would go completely dark.” Jason has a memory of holding the body of Sam’s baby. He tells her, and says it made him realize how much she means to him. Both are teary-eyed. BREAKTHROUGH! Sam hadn’t told him the details of how he held the baby’s body; he remembered them all on his own. Sam cries. They hug. It’s real. Back at the apartment, Jason flips through some photos, but doesn’t recognize much. He thanks Sam for not forcing him to remember what he can’t. She wants to get of town, go to the island and away from Miami Lice, but he wants to stay in PC, where places can jog his memory, like the one he had of her baby. No island! They visit the pediatric ICU at GH (with Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” again as background music). Sam shares her memory, such as it is, of losing her baby. “Before you could say anything, I knew. I could see it in your eyes. I knew she was gone, but I couldn’t let myself believe it.” She explored the emotions she had felt and how Jason had comforted her. EMMY REEL! But Jason doesn’t remember anything further -- only that now he knows why, even now, he’d do anything for Sam. They go to the church where Jason had arranged the baby’s memorial, and we learn that Jason’s a practicing Catholic (which seems out of character for an enforcer), with deeply rooted faith. He remembers something. “Did something bad happen here?” Sam doesn’t think so. Jason remembers walking into a church with a gun in both hands, shooting a woman, and then continuing to shoot until nobody was moving. The capture/execution of Faith! “What kind of person does that?”

“Why are you here?” Alexis is miffed that Reese is helping her stand vigil over Ric. I have every right, says Reese, I’m his partner and his friend. The doctor comes and tells Alexis that Ric’s a lucky man; no major organs were struck by the bullet. Okay, Reese, you can go now! Reese departs. Ric wakes up and sees Alexis by his bed. He was hoping her face would be the first one he’d see. Well, maybe this was a good thing after all, says Alexis. Now you know you have to get away from Sonny. Suddenly, Sonny’s at the door, paying his brother a visit! Perfect timing, says Alexis. Now you can tell your brother you can’t work for him. Silence from the hospital bed. Sonny agrees with Alexis. He’s there to let Ric off the hook. He no longer has to work for him. You have a family of your own to look out for. When I get out of here, we’ll talk, says Ric. “You have no intention of quitting, do you?,” asks Alexis. Sonny doesn’t have anyone these days, he needs me. Is it irrational to want your brother to live? How far did you go for Stefan? Ouch. “I cannot walk away from my brother,” Ric declares. What if the tables were turned? Would Sonny choose you over his wife and child? “Choose me,” pleads Alexis.

Reese, after a dust-up with Durant, visits Ric and tells him she’s glad he’s okay. Alexis overhears this. You’re good, she says, not ten minutes and you’re back. Why are you so threatened by me?, asks Reese. Reese leaves, and Alexis asks Ric if he’s staying close to Sonny to be near Reese. Gulp. “It appears that there may be something more than friendship here.” Double gulp! She’s a friend, that’s it, he steadfastly denies. You are finding problems that do not exist. An adulterous affair with Reese -- wasn’t that your idea in the first place? Alexis leaves. Suddenly, Miami Lice show up outside Ric’s room! They tell Ric that the events of the evening (i.e., the shoot-em-up at Sonny’s) were an invitation to sit at the table. “Most people send cards,” says Ric. We want you to deliver a message: all Sonny’s territory in exchange for his safety and the safety of his family. What if I don’t deliver the message? Out comes a gun.

Alone, Ric calls Sonny to tell him about his visit from Manny Ruiz. “You take care of yourself; I’ll take care of Manny Ruiz,” says his big brother. Later, Ric, the self-appointed Savior of Sonny, sneaks into Max’s hospital room and swipes his gun. He then deftly backs into his room, smack into a suspicious Alexis. Are you happy to see me or is that a gun in your robe? Suddenly, Reese storms in, wanting to know why Alexis would tell Sonny that she and Ric had an adulterous affair! Alexis denies it, but admits to having said something inappropriate. She leaves. Ric and Reese discuss their various concerns, including the Ruiz situation. Who will take care of Sonny? I will, declares Ric. Alone again, he calls Ruiz to set up a meeting. Reese runs into Alexis and tells her to hold on to her husband or she might decide to take him away from her. Am I the only one shivering here?

The PVU students are hanging in the Student Lounge together. Lucky shows up with a search warrant for Diego, who’s playing with his camera, and wonders why Diego’s got nudie pix of Brook in his books. Lucky calls Brook, who had just been listening to yet another anti-college rant from Georgie, and tells her he thinks he’s got the creep who’s after her. Brook and Georgie go to the PCPD and see Lucky dragging in Diego. He then badgers him in the Interrogation Room. Lorenzo appears, and he’s not happy. He accuses Jesse of framing his son to get to him, and playing hero to impress the girls. Justus shows up to represent Diego, much to Lorenzo’s surprise. I called him, says Brook, he’s my cousin and he’s the best. Justus stalks into the Interrogation Room and demands to see his client alone. The warrant was for Diego’s room, not the common area or his backpack! The PVU students (and Georgie) are all conflicted. If Diego is the culprit, he’s dog meat. Dillon thinks he’s guilty as sin. But wait! There’s a fingerprint on the photo of Brook...and it’s Dillon’s!

RANDOM CONFESSIONS -- GH
“You’re a slut and he’s a fool.” Lucky, on Courtney and Nik. Tell us how you really feel, dude!

If it’s not safe for Em and the boys at Greystone, why is it safe for Sonny, Sam and psychotic Carly? The way Carly’s been acting, there’s as much danger inside as there is outside!

Wouldn’t it have been a great opportunity to bring back Elton for Carly’s fantasy wedding? Remember their history, when Elton was Laura’s secretary at Enchantment, and the spats they used to have? What fun!

Both Alexis and Jax admitted to each other that their marriage was one of the most stable relationships for both of them. Except for the no-sex part. If Ric goes for Reese, or the fact that he once did implodes his marriage, might we see a Jaxis reunion? Might be interesting.

It has been reported on various and official websites: Jennifer Bransford taped her last scene as Carly on September 9; Laura Wright (formerly of ABC’s “Loving” and “The City;” most recently on CBS’ “Guiding Light”) will replace her. I’m disappointed. Bransford stepped into a most difficult recast barely six months ago, and had made many inroads with the character, and would have made it her own, given the chance. GIVEN THE CHANCE. It’s not ludicrous to fire an incompetent actor; Bransford was far from that. She deserved better. I don’t know Wright’s work, but she, too, will be stepping into a tough situation, as the various factions that make up the Carly fan base are not afraid to share their opinions on anything regarding that character. I see no legitimate reason for this casting change.

And on another front, Kari “Reese” Wuhrer’s website also reports that she will be leaving GH. Was this dismissal made in order to facilitate a Carly and Sonny reunion, to save the Ric and Alexis marriage, to avoid a “Who’s the daddy” storyline made possible by the actress’ real-life pregnancy, or all of the above? Wuhrer’s a hard-working actress, and talented, to boot, so I know she’ll soon be employed again, but I had gotten to like the character of Reese, and am sorry that, for whatever reason, she’ll disappear from PC. Wuhrer absolutely charmed me in our encounters at the GHFCW, so I’m especially saddened by this change. (Though I missed the chance to meet Bransford, my EOS colleagues who did found her delightfully sweet and down-to-earth, and I trust their assessments.)

I wish Jennifer Bransford and Kari Wuhrer all the best in their future endeavors. I’ll miss their talent.

Oh, Kimberly McCullough is returning as Robin. Yep, Robin Scorpio, who owned the crown of Sainted Goddess of Port Charles before Emily glommed on to it. Can you tell how absolutely thrilled I am?

---

AMC
Jamie bumps into Babe in the woods. A little awkward, as Amanda was hot on his trail! Jamie asks for some private time with Babe. Amanda: “Whatever. You know me...I’m flexible.” Yeah, baby, lots of guys know exactly how flexible you are, you little Gumby-wannabe! She smiles and slinks off into the forest. “So you two ended up together,” says Babe. We understand each other, replies Jamie. Outstanding! Then I’ll just leave you here. Babe departs, Amanda returns. “You pull that crap again and we’re done,” he informs her. Way to grow a backbone! “We don’t have to flaunt anything to Babe.” “Well, if I’d been clear on that, no problem, but I honestly thought you wanted me to drive the point home,” said the little pop tart. I don’t need you to talk or think for me, declared the boy genius. Good, says Amanda, now let’s get down and do stuff that’ll scare the forest creatures. Jamie breaks off in mid-grope. She accuses him of still being hung up on Babe.
Later, she confronts him at B.J.’s, dangling colorful strings in front of him -- no strings attached, and SO much fun since these strings belong to her bikini! JR stops by for some trash talking, and Jamie mentions how odd it is that, of the two of them, women seem to prefer Jamie’s company...and bed. OUCH! JR leaves and Jamie reminds Amanda of the “no strings” rule. She plays the Janet From Another Planet card in order to show him how vulnerable she is, and they seem to bond a bit.

Tad confronted Di/Dixie about Kevin Sturgess. More specifically, about what it was she refused to share with the Grand Jury. He thinks it may shed some light on Julia’s problems. Oh, those Cooney, uh, Hunkle women sure can be stubborn. Then again, so can Thaddeus J. Martin. “Julia Santos can’t be involved with Kevin,” says Di/Dixie. Tad disagrees. Julia’s being hunted by Kevin and his pals. She’s a target. Way to put a damper on a romantic dinner, Thaddeus! “This is too fantastic. I don’t believe it.” She claims not to know everything Kevin’s into. “I am not protecting him!” Well, says Tad, “I’m telling you he’s into making Julia Santos dead. He runs with a group of people who already killed Noah.” So, what is it, Di/Dixie? “I hate it when you twist what I say,” the belle declares. I’d love to help you protect Julia, but I can’t tell you what I don’t know! “Are you scared, Dixie? Do you think it’s going to come down to Julia’s life or yours? I gave you my word, I’d never let anything happen to you.” I do trust you, Tad, but you’re not playing fair. Tad’s not giving up, though. He lays the whole tragic Julia/Noah story out for her, hoping she’ll break and tell him what she knows. “Why would I play games with Julia’s life?” All Tad wants is for her to reminisce about her life with Kevin. “Don’t do this to me, Tad. Don’t do this to us.” “Now who’s twisting words around?,” says Tad.

Greenlee can’t shake the idea, brought to her by Lily and Sam, that Ryan’s alive. Bad enough to lose him once, but far worse if he’s actually alive and staying away from her deliberately. Bingo! Nail on the head, Greens. (And why, may I ask, would you even want such a creep back in your life? Can he possibly be THAT good in bed? I suppose we could ask Kendall. She’d share. One of her best qualities! But I digress.) “We can’t do it, Kendall. We can’t have Ryan’s baby.” Who got you all riled up like this? Kendall is trying damn hard to cover for Ryan. She’s having a hard time lying to Greenlee. Odd, considering that lying is one of her best events. If it were in the Olympics, she’d have a slew of gold medals. Maybe all the laying in bed with Greenlee has colored her judgement. “It’s awful, but it’s better this way. Ryan didn’t leave me on purpose; he couldn’t help it,” said Greenlee, “he died.” Compassionate Kendall then asked if Project Baby was still on. Greenlee handed her a stack of pregnancy and child-bearing books. Game on! Well, there's a total 180 degree shift, Greens! She reads Kendall the list of dos and don’ts, and wraps up with a biggie -- “Before you get pregnant, you have to get a divorce.” You don’t own my body, it’s on loan, retorts Kendall. “Your husband is untrustworthy...the baby doesn’t need his negative pre-natal influence.” Don’t forget the danger factor, either, with bullets flying all around Slater! No, says Kendall, I won’t divorce my husband. Hmm. She claims it’s because she’s tired of love, and being in a loveless marriage prevents her from that evil emotion. Our baby will stay safe and I’ll stay married. Omigawd, says Greenlee, you have feelings for Zach Slater! “I haven’t fallen for Zach, Greenlee.” He’s the one worthless guy who will keep me away from all the other worthless guys. Greenlee doesn’t buy it. Not one tiny bit.

Mimi’s harassing Zach about Julia. He’s a master at evasion. (If I didn’t know better, I’d say sparks were flying between them. Well, Thorsten Kaye seems to have that effect on women. If I met him, I’d likely spontaneously combust!) Zach finds Babe and pumps her (not literally) for info on Di Kirby. Why come to me? Your mom’s a friend of hers, spent time in prison with her, yada, yada, yada. Babe’s cagey: is Di in some kind of trouble, I hope, I hope, I hope? She offers to trade secrets with Zach. He wants direct links between Di and certain people. Why should she help him? Just because you helped me and Bianca freak out JR with our fake affair at your casino? (No, but I bet he’d like a replay of that thrown into the bargain!) “Because I’m Miranda’s uncle.” That worked. She took him to Chandler Mansion, where Tad and Di/Dixie were conveniently lip-locked outside the front door. “There she is. Di Kirby, otherwise known as Dixie Cooney Chandler Martin.”

Next day, Di/Dixie tells Del that in order to save someone’s life, she may have to give up her new one. When she tells him who she has to save, he’s taken aback. Julia Santos, sister of former flame, Maria! Del thinks she should keep quiet. Hey, he’s got his own selfish reasons. He’s liking this lifestyle, too. Di/Dixie then goes off for a drive to clear her head. She ends up at Krystal's, supposedly to discuss Tad and his ping-ponging between them. Krystal tells her if she’s going to break his heart, do it quick so he has a teensy chance of recovery. Di/Dixie wanders off into the woods, remembering how she first spied Tad there, when suddenly a black-gloved hand covers her face!

Zach goes to Martin-Devane Investigations and hires the lads to find someone. Di Kirby. Tad plays dumb, as does Zach, until he’s had enough of the game and tells him to just find Di Kirby. “Di. Dixie. Your ex-wife.” Different names, but the same woman, and you’ve been protecting her at Julia’s expense. “You know, in the short time you’ve been here, you’ve left an entire string of corpses in your wake. Don’t try to blame your future road kill on me,” warns Tad. “The only person I’m worried about is Julia Santos.” Your ex-wife knows Sturgess. He’s a danger to Julia. “So wake up, unplug your toys, and deal with it.” He walks out. Aidan is not so sure that Dixie isn’t hiding something. Tad’s judgement is clouded by the fact that he’s falling in love with her all over again.

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS -- AMC
Whatever happened to “The Man of Enchantment?” Whomever the poor winner was, I think he should be allowed a shot on the next “I Wanna Be A Soap Star.” That’s only fair, considering the raw deal he got.

Jonathan more closely resembles a long-lost duPres family member, doesn’t he? I think of this whenever I watch “Las Vegas,” for some bizarre reason.

Dani is letting Garret get dangerously close. And he’s getting bolder, even showing up in the dressing room at Myrtle’s Boutique, to zip her up. This does not bode well. I’m getting the same vibe I got when Dani got trashed and ended up with Josh Madden.

Speaking of Josh Madden, I wonder who TPTB want NuJosh to hit it off with? Any ideas?

GH
Sam consults with Monica. If Jason goes untreated, he could die. Emily finds him in the hall, reminds him she’s his sister, and begs him to get well, as she needs him. Why? Well, you’re my rock. I want my brother back. “I’m a good brother?” The best! “Will you be honest with me?” Of course! “How sick am I?”

Dr. Tony Jones, obviously on leave from teaching in New Mexico, explains to Sam and Monica that Jason’s brain has been overcompensating for the damaged area and that’s what’s causing the seizures. Sam asks what the treatment will be. “Our best hope is new medication.” That’s what got us into this, glowers Sam. The only option is surgery. “He’d rather die than run the risk of surgery,” states Monica. No, declares Sam, he’s not going to die,  he’s not going to have brain surgery, this medication is going to work and he’s going to come back to us. Now, has anybody seen my tights?

If the medication doesn’t work, the only other option is brain surgery, says Monica to Emily. Well, we know that's not an option, says Em. And he won’t suddenly wake up and be good old Jason Q., either. What happened to Em’s little ray of sunshine? Anyway, Sam goes to Jason and tells him they’re starting him on meds right away. “Why are you so scared?” He may not remember birthdays or anything else, but he sure knows Sam! “I get to be scared,” she says. If the doctors tell me there’s something wrong with the man I love, that’s frightening.” Jason assures her the medication will work. Suddenly, Dr. Jones come into the room! He’s not as optimistic about the meds, but, hey, let’s give it a try, and hands over the dose. Mr. Sensitive Jason realizes there’s some nasty history between him and the doc. (What’s a crippling, surgery-career-ending injury between friends, right? Jason doesn’t remember this -- yet -- but he knows bad vibes when he feels them.) Sam gives Jason the first of his meds, along with promises of undying love. Well, not in those precise words. “You have trusted me this far, please trust me now. You’re the love of my life.” And with that, Jason takes the meds. Later, he obstinately tries to leave GH, but is caught by Monica. She tells him he needs to be observed, get the seizures under control. Sam appears and promises to watch him carefully. Monica yields, reluctantly.

Sonny and Ric go in search of Carly and Reese, not knowing that, having survived the flood, Reese is now trying to fend off a knife-wielding Carly. Ric tells Sonny how Carly regressed to the state of a terrified teenage girl when he found her in Reese’s old house. She needs help. But, no matter how much Reese hated Carly, remember, she loves you more. What’s a guy to do? Find Carly and save her, of course! And they do, but she’s at the door of a shack, holding a slightly bloodied knife, and repeating, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” “What happened?,” asks Sonny. “It’s Reese.” Ric goes in and finds Reese on the floor. He also finds a pulse, fortunately. Carly keeps insisting that Reese is trying to steal her family, and none of this is her fault. Of course not, soothes Sonny, as he holds her close.

Reese comes to and Sonny thanks her for saving Carly’s life. Uh, once we got here, she tried to kill me, replies Reese. It was close. You need to have her committed. “Carly had plenty of chances to kill you. She didn’t do it.” Flabbergasted, Reese says, “I know you want to believe that.” What’s to believe, you’re alive! Oh, boy, Reese is not loving this conversation! As they hear the sound of approaching choppers, Carly flips and Sonny promises she won’t be going to a hospital, over the noise of the rotors and Ric and Reese’s protests. Now the sheriff’s at the door! All play dumb, per Sonny’s wishes. Also, per Sonny, Ric escorts Carly out while Sonny tells Reese that once Carly gets better, they can get on with their lives. Yeah, right!

Suddenly, they’re in Port Charles, at Greystone! Sonny’s still in Florida, taking care of some business in Miami. Durant shows up and confronts Max and Reese, demanding to see his daughter. What daughter? She’s in Shadybrook! Nice try, Max, snarls Daddy Dearest. Reese helps Max chase Durant away. Carly then accuses her of calling Durant. You know, with Carly, nobody wins but Carly. Durant’s on the prowl, hunting her down. He orders the PCPD to track down Jason Morgan. He'll know where Carly is! Meanwhile, Reese tries to convince Ric that what Sonny wants isn’t necessarily right for Carly. He agrees, but he’s promised Sonny to watch over Carly. That old brotherly bond kicks right in!

Durant’s goons come to take Jason in. He remembers how to resist arrest and takes off. Sam goes after him and tries to convince him to turn himself in. No way! Sam prevails, and Jason shows up at the PCPD. Sam warns Durant that Jason doesn’t remember who he is. Durant lets out a wicked laugh (cackle, really) and struts away. Sam has to convince Jason to let Monica fill Durant in on Jason’s health problems. Durant, of course, plans to arrest Jason and hold him until Sonny delivers Carly. End of story.

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS -- GH
“Love Jones” playing during hot Nik/Court sex was rather nice, but not as hot as Tyler Christopher, steaming up the small screen once again. YOWZA. More, please!

Emily’s timing sucks, doesn’t it? Dating back to Zander, her romantic choices have always been a tick off. She finds Nik on the docks as he’s basking in the afterglow of Courtney sex. Emily starts to plead for their love, even comparing them to those fabled lovers, Edward and Lila. Too bad his toes are still tappin’!

Courtney couldn’t wait to tell Jax she’d done the horizontal mambo with Nik. It was really good, too, she says, worthy of perfect 10s on “Dancing With The Stars.” Wonder if she showered before delivering the news?

Indecent Proposal: The Sequel, in which Jax offers Elizabeth $5 million and visitation rights for sole custody of the baby. Will Elizabeth go for it?

---

AMC
Gunfire erupts at Wildwind! Zach and Julia, the targets, unfortunately chose to be hiding in the glass-walled conservatory. Shards of glass everywhere! Mimi and Derek arrived, guns drawn. “We’re too late,” says Mimi. No one’s there. Well, they are, but Zach and Julia are hiding. Wildwind looks as if Sonny Corinthos dropped in from Port Charles, with bullet holes and broken glass littering the place.

Mimi and Derek find Zach, but he’s still protecting Julia, who’s hiding in the bushes. He evades their questions. Then Mimi reveals that Kendall told them what’s going on. Back-stabbing bitch! “My wife has an off-beat sense of humor.” Mimi isn’t laughing. They’re about to take him in when more shooting is heard. A diversion created by Zach’s people. Damn, he’s thorough. Zach and Julia took off. Julia’s annoyed about Kendall. “Leave Kendall to me,” says Zach. “BRAT! Your wife!” Kendall needs to be out of the equation, demands Julia.

Meanwhile, over at Fusion, Simone’s pissed off when she figures out what Greenlee and Kendall are up to...mostly because she wasn’t asked to be the surrogate. She is deeply, deeply hurt, and called off their friendship. They both think of her as a silly, disposable ditz. “We’ve diffused!” Giving them no notice, she intends to walk off the job. The girls pull out all the stops to convince Simone how important she is to them. Greens: “Together, we can create a miracle...Ryan’s and my miracle.” Best friends, all! The Three Musketeers! Hurray for sisterhood! Then Ethan comes in and the girls learn of the shootout at the Wildwind Corral. Kendall’s upsetment stymies Simone, who rants on and on about how Zach is no Ryan, and why care about the creep anyway, until Greenlee stops her. That runaway mouth will be the death of you, Simone! Zip it!

Zach walks into Fusion, where he found his wife rather upset and anxious, in spite of Simone’s best efforts. They embraced. “You betraying bitch,” hissed Zach. He then realized that all at Fusion were aware that he was helping Julia. Oh, Kendall, you jabberjaws! The Fusion gang stands behind Kendall. Did you marry her to hurt her? Leave our friend alone! Zach takes Kendall up to the Fusion roof. The girls wonder why Ethan didn’t stop his father. Kendall and Zach argue about Julia. “Think what you want and stay out of it,” he yelled. “If I bite it, you’re covered.” Kendall blurts out, “But I care about you!” “You care about me? I’m touched.” Yeah, well, I also care about stepping on ants, so don’t get all worked up, covered Kendall. Zach thinks they need to discuss the boundaries of their relationship.

Julia’s having nightmares about the shooting incident. She wakes with a start in her new hideout, and Zach’s standing over her. They’re in some rustic cabin outside Pine Valley. “Dying is no way to get your life back,” he warns, after preventing her from bolting. “Ever hear of a guy named Kevin Sturgess?” No. Well, Zach thinks there’s a link between Sturgess and “The Dragon,” the bad guy who had Noah killed and was now after Julia. What he doesn't know is Sturgess’ connection to Di/Dixie! Oh, well, he does know the connection to Di...just not the fact that she’s in Pine Valley, living Dixie’s life.

JR meets his Uncle Del, who asks where the guest room is. Guess he’s sticking around to stick it to Di/Dixie! “So, you’re my Uncle Del. How could I forget the guy who’s wearing my mother’s kidney...If you’re looking for another, we’re fresh out.” Del tries to sell the idea of a tell-all book about Dixie’s miraculous return (remember, he’s a writer!). JR’s about to toss him out, but Adam stops him. Del’s grateful. “Hi, Adam. Thanks for the vote of confidence!” “What is this, Opposite Day?,” asked JR. Adam’s got a plan. He’s even talking Pigeon Hollow-ese! And pumping Del for information while he’s at it. “Any other family, Del? Maybe a sister?” In walks Tad and Di/Dixie. Del informs Di/Dixie about their book project.

Adam visited Krystal the next morning and threw a wad of cash at her. He suspects that if Dixie has a half-brother (Del) courtesy of cheatin’ dad Seabone Hunkle, might she not also have a half-sister that isn't Lainie? He wants Krystal to work on Del.

Di/Dixie confronted Del, tossing a breakfast tray on him. What do you want? Exactly what YOU have: a new life. His writing career’s going nowhere. What are you angling for, she wonders -- a seat at the Thanksgiving table? Naw, he just wants a new life with his baby sister in it. AWW! Plus, if she says yes, he won’t expose her! Major incentive! Okay, she says, but no more calling me Di, even when we’re alone.

Jamie slam-dunked Amanda, and she’s all happy and chatty. He’s not feeling the same afterglow. No commitments, just fun. Don’t even think about getting serious. She agrees. Myrtle came by with fresh towels and asked if Amanda wants to keep the room as a double. Just visiting, said Jamie. “Do you want me to tell you what kind of girl she is?,” queried the carny queen.

Babe’s big plan: she’s going to marry JR. She starts working him. He realizes how much she genuinely loves Jamie and is hurt when he also realizes she never loved him with such depth. When she tells Krystal she’s going to marry JR to get little Adam back, Mama tells her she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. But the idea of her baby doll hooking up with JR again makes her stomach turn. It’s the only way, insists Babe. Words I never thought I’d hear out of Krystal: “Haven’t we had enough tricks?”

Down at the PVPD, Dani asked Garret the burning question of the day: “What’s going on with you about me?” He pretends not to understand. Building a strong, solid relationship. That’s all. Dani asked if he likes her as he would a girlfriend. Ooh, he thinks she has a crush on him! Uh-uh, if there’s a crush, maybe it’s yours on me! He’s still playing dumb. “Sometimes we overanalyze.” He’s a smoothie! “Give me a hug!” Oops, getting a bad vibe from Dani. She submitted to a hug anyway. Livia stopped by and Garret left. “What do you think of Garret, Aunt Livia?” “Honey, I think I know what the problem is,” replied the sage attorney. Your mom waltzes back into town and changes everything, but Garret seems like a solid man, and Dani should give him a chance. He’s not trying to take Derek’s place. “You might become even closer to him than you thought possible.” Got THAT right, Aunt Livia!
GH
Carly’s got a gun! That Aerosmith tune is running through my head! And Sonny’s in her sights! She fires, several times. Good thing for Sonny she’s a lousy shot. Carly collapses in his arms, sobbing. “I’m gonna help you,” promises Sonny. No, it’s going to be okay, says a suddenly calm Carly, promising to be a wonderful mom to their boys, just like before. “Are you mad at me?” Naw, you just tried to kill me and all, but we’re good. Suddenly, the police are banging at the door! Det. Jesse and Officer Lucky demanded to know what was happening. Sonny played it cool, but Carly walked in and announced that she’d just tried to kill Sonny. Good thing Durant wasn’t there, as he’d be saying, if at first you don’t succeed...

Sonny tries to cover, says he’s been drinking and playing with guns. “You’re a liar, Mr. Corinthos,” declares Jesse. Not too smart! Suddenly, Reese appears, wanting to know if Sonny’s all right. That’s it! Det. Jesse starts reading Carly her rights. Sonny says she doesn’t understand them. Yes I do! They’re taking her in. “That’s your cousin, Lucky,” yells Sonny in a last-ditch effort to play the family card. Lucky looks stunned, as if he’d forgotten that fact. Sonny tells Reese that he’s gotta go. She, too, looks stunned.

A dazed Carly babbles to Cousin Lucky at the PCPD. Jesse offers to take over, but Lucky wants to give it a try. Sonny struts in, refusing to press charges against his ex. Mac says nothing’s happening until he hears the whole story. Meanwhile, Mrs. Alcazar is being held for attempted murder.

Ric tries to talk to Carly in the Interrogation Room, but she’s in another world. No, not literally, but she might as well be, ‘cause she’s really out of it. Ric tells this to Sonny, who orders him to get the mother of his sons out of there. Reese tries to help. “Is this your latest attempt to get Sonny back? You’re faking it, aren’t you?” Such compassion! What people skills! Chalk it up to that FBI training, I guess. “Go away, Charlotte. This is my life...so go back to being dead.” Wow, she’s really bonkers, thinks Reese. Meanwhile, Ric tells Sonny that Carly belongs in a psych ward. Reese also tries to convince him that Carly needs serious psychiatric help. “I know what I have to do,” he says. Doctor Corinthos is in da house!

Ric fooled the PCPD (never a difficult prospect) into thinking Carly’s in 72 hour isolation at Shadybrook, and delivers her to Sonny. Bad idea, thinks Reese. She begs Sonny to get Carly professional help. Carly never sent him to an institution and he’s not about to do it to her. One step he does take is to ask Emily to act as au pair to the boys, shielding them from Carly’s craziness. Sure, they can stay with me at the gatehouse, says Em. What a full schedule this woman is now carrying! Even though she’s only backing up Leticia, she’s really clocking overtime!

“Dead women don’t steal husbands. Or babies. Or nick-knacks,” informs Carly, as she bumps into Reese at Greystone (formerly known as Corinthos Manor). “I don’t want to hurt you, Carly.” Carly’s not buying it. She grabs a letter opener and heads for Reese, but Sonny stepped in and saved the day...or, at least, Reese. “Sonny, Reese is dangerous -- she’s coming after me!,” cries Carly, as Sonny wrestles the weapon from her grasp. “I will protect you until the day I die,” swears Sonny. This doesn’t thrill Reese one bit. She leaves. Carly whines to Sonny about how the boys will react to her condition. He tells her they’ll be staying with Emily at the gatehouse, and, amazingly, she doesn’t freak out. “You’re such a good dad. I wish I had a dad like you.” (And for the second week in a row, since we are not Freud, we will refrain from dissecting THAT statement!) Carly falls asleep and dreams that Sonny marries Reese and tells the boys to call her “Mommy.” She wakes up screaming.

“I kill people for a living?,” asks a stunned Jason. Well, BAD people, stresses Sam, who is trying to explain his life to him. You love me, even though I kill people? He’s incredulous. His head hurts. And he doesn’t like this life he’s learning about. Sam left for a moment, and Jason disappeared. He went back to the boat. Sam’s frantic, and enlists Allegra and her goons to find him. Search the island, orders Allegra! Jason falls off the boat. Damned headache. Hope he remembers he can swim. The goons report they’ve found a body and take Sam and Allegra to it, on the boat. “Oh my god,” says Sam. “It’s not Jason.” Turns out to be a local fisherman. However, Jason’s medical bracelet is on the deck. A man came on board and said the man they’re looking for hopped a cargo plane to Portugal 20 minutes ago. Well, actually, he didn’t, he remembered enough to bribe that guy to tell the ladies that bit of misinformation. Next stop, Port Charles!

It’s move-in day at the PCU dorms. Jesse’s rooming with Maxie. How progressive of the university, smirks Maxie. Nope, turned out both their names were so ambiguous, they were accidentally paired up. Don’t worry, says the dorm rep, it’ll be straightened out. Lucas, Georgie and Dillon have breakfast at Kelly’s and discuss the start of PCU life. Bobbie comes by and wants to go to orientation with Lucas. Uh-uh, grunts her son, and leaves. Maybe he’s worried she’ll discover he’s got a whole new kind of orientation going on! “See that surly stranger? I used to change his diapers,” sighs Bobbie. “That surly stranger is my roommate,” says Dillon. Yay, says Bobbie, you can keep an eye on him. He’s SO secretive lately!

All the freshmen met up at PCU. Diego meets his new roomie, Jesse -- hoodlum-in-training paired up with undercover cop. Sweet! Brook Lynn joins the gang. Dillon informs her that she’s rooming with Maxie. Ugh. Maxie and Jesse flirt in her room as someone slips nude pix of Brook Lynn under the door. Jesse runs out and finds someone in the hallway...Lucas! Jesse accused Lucas yet again of being the evil drugger of girls. No, I slid the envelope under the door because it had Brook’s name on it! Yo, I’m innocent! Brook shows up and is curious. They show her the contents of the envelope. She’s upset, to put it mildly. Later, alone with Maxie, she sighs and says, oh, well, it could be worse. You’re asking the right person, because the Internet Sex Queen knows just how bad it CAN get.

Ric happens upon Alexis at GH, where she is seated on the floor, “centering my chi.” You can do that here? “Sure, chi centering can happen in any venue.” Okay, sweetie, he says, let’s get to class! Uh, you missed it. Your secretary, however, said you did have an appointment...with Sonny. Ric gets defensive: you got a problem with that? They agree to disagree. Suddenly, Ric’s phone rings! It’s Sonny, and he needs him at the PCPD. STAT. “You know, when I worked for him, I had my own parking space at the PCPD. I hope you get one, too.” Sonny’s already taking center stage in their life, and Alexis is not pleased. Can you tell? They meet for breakfast at Kelly’s the next day. She’s convinced that Sonny’s plotting against her. He’s being nice, which worries Alexis. Ric interrupts her later as she tries to place a call to Mac. “Whatever I did was not to protect my brother. I owe Sonny this. I owe Carly this.” “Because of what you did to her when she was pregnant with Morgan? I get that. That’s pretty bad. How long do you think you have to atone for that?” “Forever,” replies Ric.

Reese meets Ric (where else?) at the docks. She rants about Carly. “Reese, I think you should know that Sonny’s primary intention is keeping Carly out of an institution.” Therefore, Reese won’t be moving in with Sonny until Carly’s back to normal. There's a loaded statement! Reese then informs Sonny she won’t be moving in yet. Yeah, he concurs, it’s not the best way to start things off. So, she wonders, where does that leave us? “I want you to live here.” We’ll just have to postpone it for a while, until Carly’s functioning. Too bad for Reese that Carly’s as adept at listening from the stairs as her son!

Whoops, Carly’s left the house. Sonny mobilizes forces to retrieve her as Jason demonstrates the same eavesdropping skills as Michael and Carly! Yep, he snuck back into town. Carly bumps into Bobbie and whimpers about her various betrayals. Bobbie actually tries to be sympathetic, but Carly’s not convinced, and runs off again. Reese offers to search for Carly, and Sonny accepts. He then fired the guard who left his post at the gate and ordered Max to call in all men who are on vacation. NO POLICE!

Bobbie and Reese bump into each other. Oh, good job Sonny’s doing taking care of my daughter! “If Carly were capable of making her own decisions, what do you think she’d want?” Easy, replies Bobbie, “She would want to stay with Sonny.” Carly always, eventually, goes back to Sonny. Er, not exactly what Reese wants to hear! Bobbie asks if Carly was like this when they were kids. Yes, anything I could do, she would try harder and do it, too. She didn’t ever quit. Maybe that’s her problem, muses Bobbie, she doesn’t know when to quit. Bobbie leaves, and Reese spies Carly lurking on the docks. She tries to convince Carly that Sonny’s looking for her. Carly doesn’t believe her, and they start to struggle. All of a sudden, Jason shows up and Carly begs him for help. He swoops in and takes her away.

Reese reports back to Sonny. He’s optimistic that Jason has Carly. Well, it was weird, says Reese. He looked at me as if he didn’t even know me. As if I were a stranger. Flash to Carly and Jason. You’re safe, he says, and prepares to leave. She protests. “I don’t know you,” he says. “Something happened to me. I don’t remember you.” She doesn’t believe him. “You promised you would catch me if I fell. I’m falling, Jason!” Thinking her friend is lying to her, she runs off.

Jason goes to the Quartermaine mansion and looks at a picture of himself with his parents. Ouch, now his head really hurts. It gets worse: Alan walks in and asks what he’s doing there. Jason attempts to explain, and Alan realizes he doesn’t remember anything. What an opportunity to pump up the Qs, trash-talk Sonny, and deify A.J., eh, Alan? And yes, Alan starts rewriting and spinning history, all in the Q’s favor. In walked Monica. “Our son’s come home!” Alan proclaimed!

Sonny went looking for Carly at Casa Alcazar. She boinked his head from behind with a poker and hid again. Diego found an unconscious Sonny in the living room and started to make a phone call. Just then, Sonny disconnected the call and asked him what his father did with Carly. Dad’s out of town on business and I’m moving into the dorms...no one’s doing anything with Carly! Sonny threatened Diego quite graphically (tearing his heart out was one talking point) until he spilled that Alcazar is in Miami. (Doesn’t that make him Roy’s problem? Oh, wait, who’s Roy? Never mind!)

Carly somehow ended up in an abandoned high school. In the locker room. And, oh yeah, in Florida. Suddenly, Reese is there, too!

---

AMC
In the “dumb as a stump” category, here’s James Edward Martin! Confronted with Babe, naked in bed with Josh, he still thinks Babe is putting one over on him. Well, she is, but tarnation if she isn’t starting to wear him down! He called in JR and Amanda to witness his rejection of Babe. Time for JR to crack open Phoebe’s trust and hand over the money, STAT.

Krystal came to the hotel the next day to confirm what Babe had done. She threw more suspicion David’s way. He knows the truth about Di/Dixie, and they’re gonna GIT it! Babe also thinks they can use the info to get little Adam back, once they expose faux Di/Dixie. Krystal wants to tread carefully. Gee, you’d think “self-restraint” was her middle name, not an entirely new concept!

Amanda wants a payday from JR. He’s not buying it, or, rather, willingly paying it. After Jamie spit on Babe, Amanda made her move: “Call me anytime.”

Brooke hates the idea of Jamie getting married. “Is this the life you want for your son?” Not exactly, said Tad. “You’re back with Dixie!” No way, said Tad.

Speaking of which, Del Henry’s back, and he’s on to his sister’s plan. Oh, yes, that would be Di, his full sister, who shares some of his DNA, which was how she squeaked past the DNA tests, as she, too, shares some of Dixie’s DNA, being her half-sister and all (still with me?). Looks like everyone forgot about the Henry side of the family tree (weird, considering Kendall, in the guise of Sarah Michelle Parker, left town with him lo those many years ago)...except, perhaps, David?

Di blames her transformation on the constant parade through prison of people who mattered in Dixie’s life. They were so desperate, she said, that they bought it when she claimed to be Dixie. After all, Seabone Hunkle was their daddy! She’s got those con man genes! Dixie’s life became a home for Di, who had a lousy childhood, which, of course, entitled her to Dixie’s life. And Del had better shut up, because Di gave him a kidney when Dixie’s failed on him. So hush yer mouth, Del!

Del paid Tad a visit and told him Di/Dixie was bogus. A tall tale from a con man, sniffed Thaddeus. Need any body parts lately, pal? Di/Dixie showed up and blew Del out of the water. Since Tad still harbors a lot of hatred for Del because of Dixie’ health problems caused by her kidney donation to him, it wasn’t difficult. Del’s so ticked at Tad’s attitude that he wished Di well in Dixieland and washed his hands off the whole thing. Di/Dixie went back to Tad and “admitted” that Del had indeed hit her up for money, as he suspected. You gotta be careful, honey, you’re much too trusting. Uh, yeah, Tad!

Kendall and Zach are still sparring. He’s just about figured out why she’s going to the fertility clinic with Greenlee. She still wants answers about Julia. Stalemate!

Julia received a visit from Kendall, who claimed to be there to help her. Help her out of town, that is. Julia’s not convinced. “You try holding your breath for nine years, Kendall, then you’ll know what it’s like to be me. You want that, you’re welcome to it.” Nope, but here’s a cash incentive to take care of your life and stay out of my husband’s. Julia taunted her. “You know, if he’s got a thing for Santos women, maybe I should just use that in whatever way makes me feel happy. How do you feel about that, Kendall?” Ouch. Kendall pressed on. Julia received a covert phone call, then threatened Kendall if she ratted her out, to Zach or anyone else. She left the money and assured Julia that her lips were sealed.

The man who called Julia showed up the next day, just as Julia was throwing Zach out, telling him not to return without concrete information on the man who had Noah killed. Julia embraced the man, Jimmy, Noah’s best friend and someone they both trusted. And she wants him to tell her who killed Noah. Jimmy danced around that topic. She wants to know if he’s with her or against her. A man of few words, he answered by pulling his gun and aiming it at her head. “You turned!,” she accused. Tell me Noah never saw you like this! Jimmy tried to defend his actions, saying the guy who killed Noah was too big to go against. He HAD to kill Noah. Julia’s sad. “You bastard. You pathetic, demented freak. I hate you!” Jimmy was about to kill her and shut her trap when Zach walked in, posing as a representative of Mr. Big, and told him that he needed to leave Julia’s elimination to a professional. Go. Now. No, said Jimmy, I have to see you do it. Fine, but I have to use your gun, said Zach, and, oh yes, you need to stand next to Julia. Suddenly Kendall bursts in and a bullet goes off! Both men are down...but who was shot?

Prior to her impromptu visit to Wildwind, Kendall was trying to inject Greenlee with fertility drugs. “Sid Vicious was nicer with a needle!” cried Greens. “Listen,” said Kendall, “you want another kidlet with your egg, Ryan’s bacon and my frying pan, then you’ll let me get a-stabbin’!” Greenlee didn’t like Kendall’s attempt at playing fertility nurse, so she called Dr. Madden, who agreed to come over and instruct Kendall. Suddenly, Erica’s at the door! What to do with the loaded hypo? Why, hide it in a magazine, of course! Kendall bailed and left Greenlee with Erica.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you actually look good!,” declared the doting stepmom! Mmm...how to get rid of her before the doc comes a-knockin’? Especially since Erica isn’t buying the rapid bounce-back scenario she’s seeing. Then Dr. Madden showed up. Greenlee tried to cover, saying he was there to reiterate the post-miscarriage medical instructions that she really hadn’t listened to in the hospital. She asked him to join her in the den for some privacy. Left to her own devices, Erica naturally reached for a magazine and was surprised when a hypo, rather than a blow-in subscription card, fell in her lap! As she heard Greenlee and Dr. Madden return, she hid the hypo and decided to leave with the good doctor. They got outside the apartment, and she turned on him: “Listen, I know exactly what you were doing in that room with Greenlee!” Erica accused Dr. Madden of preying on Greenlee and hooking her on drugs to get over the miscarriage. After all, she, too, has been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous doc (that would be Dr. Jonathan Kinder) and became an addict! As proof, she presented the hypo, right in time for Greenlee to come out and tell her that the doc is actually the reason she’s still standing. “Dr. Madden making you ‘feel good’ is exactly the problem here!” This -- the hypo -- is the road to ruin! Erica demands to know what’s in the syringe.

Dani’s trying on a hideous maid-of-honor dress for Mimi, but, fortunately, Mimi recognized its heinousness. Garret came in to tell Mimi she had a business call. A lead on the Santos case! Gotta run! ‘Bye! Garret lingered behind, not-so-stepfatherly, and kissed Dani goodnight. NOT a good sign. She’s got a serious case of the “ewwws” going on. And for good reason, as he later snuck in on her as she slept. Fortunately, she woke up. “Sorry if I woke you, Dani.” He thought he heard a noise, breaking glass or something. “Aren’t we a little too high up to be worried about people climbing through windows?” Just being overprotective, said Garret. He left. Dani felt very, very weirded out.

When Mimi woke her the next morning (with Garret standing in the doorway), Dani jumped and said, “Don’t touch me!” What’s wrong? wonders Mimi. Dani blamed it on a bad dream. Mimi invited her to breakfast with Aunt Livia and Garret, but Dani begged off, claiming she had a big Fusion presentation to make. Well, she missed that, leaving Simone to deal with all the beauty editors. Simone rose to the occasion, and Dani showed up as the last swag bag was leaving. Perturbed at first, Simone realized that something big was troubling Dani. She asked her what was wrong. “How do you know the difference between imagining something’s icky and it actually being real?” She shared her suspicions about Garret with Simone, who was extremely concerned.

Slick Garret schmoozed Livia at breakfast, complimenting her on a specific case she tried. He’s trying, too -- way too hard. Even Livia is snowed by him. More reason to be suspicious. Dani won’t go to her police chief dad until she has more proof he’s a sleaze.

Oh, yeah, Ryan found his sister, Erin, and discovered she’s hiding supposedly-dead Jonathan in her cabin. Whoopsie! I’ve refrained from commenting on this, because I’m rather tired of the Laverys, but didn’t want you folks thinking I’m asleep at the switch! The same goes for Lucky/Liz/Jax/Courtney/Nik on GH, though I am compelled to comment on the interaction between Emily and Sonny. And on that note...

GH
Emily went to Sonny for counsel after finding Nik with Courtney in the Bahamas. He offers to make it his problem, but she declined. Maybe this is the real start of mega-bonding between the two. Wonder how Jason will feel about this?

Well, he might not find out for some time, as he’s having moments of severe head pain in between trying to find and/or save Sam.

Sam has her own problems: an amorous Andrew, who arranged for them to be married. On their wedding night, she tried to tell him who she actually is. Alicia taunted a chained-up Allegra as Jason searched in vain for Sam. He found the priest who married “Alicia” and Andrew, and was told they were in their suite.

Andrew just thought Sam was leading him on to avoid sleeping with him. Then she explained how she married him to save her true love, Jason. Hmmm. He bought it and promised to help her find her lover (who is currently passed out from head pain).

Allegra, rescued by one of her guards, was discovered by Sam and Andrew, who confronted her with the truth. Jason was found by Thug 1 and Thug 2, who decided to put him on a boat. A slow boat to China, perhaps? Andrew didn't understand why he shouldn't just marry Ali. He's willing to work on the marriage, make it a success. Then Thug 3 and Thug 4 grabbed Sam and she realized she'd been played by both Allegra and Andrew. Meanwhile, Super Jase, with his amazing powers of recuperation (bet that boy will NEVER need Viagra!), knocked out Thug 1 and Thug 2 and ran off in search of Sam again.

Sam's been thrown in the dungeon. But wait -- someone's pushed a key under the door! She entered the living room and found two motionless bodies, Jason and Andrew. Gulp. Jason's alive, but remembers nothing. Nothing about Andrew's dead body and how it got that way, either. Allegra entered and told them to leave. Oh, happy day, her daughter is now tragically a widow! Poor disposable Andrew. Allegra tells Jason and Sam to get off the island and she'll tell the police that intruders killed Andrew. Off they go!

Allegra did call the cops, but there's a problem -- Alicia's disappeared again.

On the boat, Sam asks Jason what's really wrong. He's been sleeping all day. She's not leaving the room until he tells her what's wrong. Jason got all defensive and left the room. Sam's not happy. Jason goes up on deck and starts bleeding from the nose. Not a good sign. Sam joins him and tells him there's blood on his pillowcase. Damn that cocaine habit! No, just kidding. Jason dates the headache problem back to when he injected himself with that untested truth serum. He'll be fine once they get back to the Chuckles. But no hospital, he says. Well, who could blame him for a hospital phobia? Jason assures Sam that everything will be fine, and then passes out. She gets him to the cabin, and he comes to, still refusing to go to the hospital. Sam insists.

She gets him to a hospital, but he's now in a coma. Tests are inconclusive. If he falls any deeper into the coma, they might not be able to revive him. Sam sits at Jason's bedside. "Please don't leave me," she begs. "You need to wake up, okay?" She pours her heart out as he lays there, inert, bares her entire soul. "Don't quit on me. Please. Please wake up." He opens his eyes. "You're okay! We're going to get you home."

"Home? Who are you?"

Nik shows up at Corinthos Manor in search of Emily. Sonny informed him that Emily was moving into the guest house. Emily, meanwhile, shared that same information with Alan and Monica. Oh-oh, another Quartermaine child lost to Sonny!

Sonny lectured Nik about honor and how to treat women properly. Nik didn't appreciate it, especially after Sonny said that he didn't think his sister could have had worse taste than Jax, but, obviously, he was wrong. "Sonny, unlike yourself, I have the discipline to keep my fly zipped." Good one, Nik! Now it's his turn to lecture Sonny on the disposable women in his life. Enter Emily. Sonny grudgingly gave them some privacy. They argued. "Problem solved," said Emily. "You have Courtney now." "I love you...I'm not going back to Wyndemere without my wife." Guess you won't be visiting Spoon Island any time soon, Nik! She's not leaving.

Sonny caught Alcazar doing business on his docks. "Taking issue with my business methods?" "Yes," replied Sonny, "that, and the way you think, breathe, live your life, treat your women..." It's about Carly, smirked Lorenzo. "She's free to go back to you. For reasons that elude me, Carly loves you, heart and soul. So why don't you break your destructive pattern, embrace that, instead of kicking it in the teeth?"

Reese paid Sonny a visit. "Here's the deal. You can run me out of your house, but I will not let you run me out of town." Trying to get Ric to dump her from his law firm was really low. He claimed it wasn't personal; he needs to know he can trust his lawyer and anyone in his office with access to his files. "It couldn't be any more personal. I was honest with you, now it's your turn. Don't pretend that you don't trust me to work in the same office as Ric. How many times have I covered your back over the past months?" You lied to me for months, said Sonny, and you expect me to forgive it in an instant. Ric came in and asked Reese what she was doing. Then, to Sonny: "Obviously, Reese had the guts to come over here and face you head-on. Why don't you at least show her a little respect?" Don't worry, said Reese, he's not interested. Sonny's wondering why Ric is defending her so much. As Ric continues to argue the forgiveness factor (for himself as well as Reese), Emily enters, all snide about the secrets Ric is keeping from his brother. Oh, that Emily is pure trouble behind that saint-like exterior! "Don't you dare preach to Sonny!" Sonny defends Ric and his motives. Ric speaks sensitively to Emily about dealing with people that disappoint and hurt you, and how you have to work on repairing the relationship. Think she was able to read between the lines? Sonny and Emily then talked about trust issues, with Sonny opening up to Emily yet again. What is it about her that makes him so honest about his deepest feelings? After the heart-to-heart with Emily, Sonny tracked down Reese and actually apologized to her for trying to trash her partnership with Ric. "It's not your fault. It's just who I am," he said. She still wants to try for a second chance with him. He walked away.

Lorenzo's not doing well on the docks. Carly caught him there with Skye and accused him of trying to "score with the skankiest piece of trash money can buy." Skye defended herself, but Lorenzo told Carly to stay out of it. "You know what, Lorenzo?," said Skye. "Let her rant." And she did. Accusing Skye of helping Lorenzo take over ELQ, backstabbing her family in the process, using that special talent she has in between her...ears? "Skye has too much class to dignify that with a response." "Oh, you call that class?," snarled Carly. Yes, says Lorenzo, making her ideal to run the GH Charitable Endowment. "She slept with your brother!" Carly left after hurling that last insult. Skye senses Lorenzo's heart is truly breaking. He tells her to stay out of his personal life, or their partnership is over. "You still have Carly," she points out. "I can't let myself." Oh, it's the old Luis excuse again! Skye encouraged him to get past that. He feels incredibly lucky to get away from Carly relatively unscathed.

Ric and Alexis bumped into each other at GH. She's dropped the lawsuit. Seems Jax wants a divorce. "You already gave him one." Ha, ha, very funny, he's divorcing Courtney and wants Alexis to represent him. Ric is stunned, especially after she tells him the whole sordid story behind Jax' actions. Alexis refused to take the case, advising Jax not to be so self-destructive. Ric's impressed, especially when Alexis admits, "Sometimes I even follow my own advice." Can anyone say reconciliation? "When there's a baby involved, it changes things," she said. "I hope so," replied Ric, moved. She says he's the only man that's made her this happy. He wants to take it slow, make each other happy, and take it from there. Nice!

On her path of destruction, Carly went to visit GH, ran into Alexis, and asked her if she was taking another chance to throw herself at Sonny. She accuses her of using Kristina as a pawn to get Sonny back. After all, Sonny does have a soft spot for children. What's wrong with you?, wonders Alexis. "You're obsessing more than usual." She advised her to get a job, take up knitting, get a life. Carly looks even more unhinged. Shadybrook, turn down the sheets and put the mint on the pillow...Carly Babes is coming home!

Carly's path then led to Michael, who, frankly, was frightened by his mom's manic behavior. She apologized and left. No psycho picnic with Michael and Morgan for her!

Hanging at the Pizza Shack, Maxie and Dillon wax rhapsodic about college/campus life, and Georgie is jealous. Don't worry, you'll be a cool college kid, too, in a year! Det. Jesse spoils the mood by coming by and berating them for being out at night. It's dangerous! Someone slipped a drug in Maxie's drink right here, you know! The guy hangs out here! Maxie makes Georgie and Dillon leave. "Maybe you control your little sister, but you're not wrapping me around your finger," says Jesse. Maxie gives him a knowing look. Uh-huh. Right! "I'm being careful, I swear," promises Maxie. "I'm sorry I went all tough cop on you." Awww! Back to business: they found a match for the lead paint flakes on Brook Lynn's clothes, and it's at PCU. She may be going there, but Jesse's going with her! Yay, jump up, clap hands! They celebrate by dancing to a slow song, even though it's night and it's dangerous out there, y'know. They're interrupted by Georgie and Dillion, who got a call from the pervert, as Georgie had mistakenly taken Maxie's cell phone. They heard a bell in the background during the call. The PCU Bell Tower? Sounds right.

---

AMC
Kendall made the big offer to Greenlee: “Your baby, my belly.” Greenlee called the offer garbage, a lie. Kendall pressed on: “Ryan’s sperm, your egg, my womb.” Ah, the ties of instant sisterhood!

Dr. Madden explained the surrogacy option to Erica and Jack. Jack was less than thrilled. “Have you mentioned surrogacy to Greenlee?” No, the doctor demurred, not exactly. Hummana, hummana, hummana, as the Stooges would say! Jack leveled all sorts of threats at the doc; even Erica was surprised at his vehemence. She prescribed a bit of air and a cup of coffee to calm the big guy down.

“Nine months is a long time,” said Greenlee. “Where were we nine months ago?” Excellent point! Uh, for a true daily double, the question would be, “What is at each other’s throats!” Kendall backed down and climbed into bed with Greens. This is beginning to be routine. Imagine what Greenlee would have done years ago of now-little-sis Lesbianca had picked up this habit? It would not have been pretty!

Erica shocked Dr. Madden during a moment of emotional candor with this statement: “I had another pregnancy, but no baby.” Oh, wait, she was talking about her abortion. Could this be part of Dr. M’s nefarious and secret connection to Erica?

Greenlee and Kendall discussed the viability of Project Saving Ryan’s Baby. “Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be in the end for the two of us,” said Kendall. Aww!

Back from his cool-down, Jack was assured by Erica that Dr. Madden would not discuss surrogacy with Greenlee. Jack saw his daughter interacting with Kendall, and marveled, “I don’t know what Kendall did, but I’ll never be able to thank her enough.” Boy, are you in for a nasty surprise!

Later, Jack, Lily and Reggie came to pick Greenlee up from the hospital. Jack’s looking for a BIG house for all of them to live in together (take a cue from The Brady Bunch and make sure there’s enough bedrooms and baths, please). Give me a chorus of “Kumbaya!” Greenlee gave it the big thumbs-down.

Bit of chemistry flowing between the Silver Fox (Adam) and Krystal, eh? Sparks a-flyin’ in that bedroom! Especially when Krystal shed tears. Ooh, and now they’re sitting on the edge of his bed, sipping hooch. JR saw this and flipped. “You’ve finally hit rock bottom.”

“I’m gonna go to bed...you coming?” The oddity of that phrase is that it was spoken by JR to Di/Dixie, his, um, mother. Mind out of the gutter, now, he was referring to the fact that they were outside, so was she coming inside with him? Still, a casual viewer might have read that differently, considering that, at first glance, they do appear more a couple than mother and son.

Jamie found Babe deep in conversation with Josh...in their apartment. He sensed a bit of sexual tension in the air. “Josh isn’t a problem, he’s a friend,” claimed Babe. Jamie didn’t buy it. Good instinct. Josh showed up later at the bar, and asked Babe for a tall glass of revenge sex.

They then discussed her options. Um, none, said Babe. She HAS to get caught cheating and break Jamie’s heart, “make him crazy.” Josh refused to go along with it. Babe then asked him to forget she ever said anything and proceeded to hit on a stranger. Josh intercepted the hit and squashed the deal. He then came back at the close of her shift. So did Jamie, catching Babe with Josh again. After Jamie left, Josh agreed to body-slam Babe. “If you want, I’ll even keep my eyes closed.” Tres galant!

Then Amanda showed up. She apparently has a big part to play in the sock-it-to-Jamie plot (and she’ll GLADLY sock it to him!). Josh called her bluff: does she want to help Babe or help herself to Jamie? The latter, admitted Amanda. Babe is not happy.

Enter JR, all snarky. (Jacob Young is doing such an excellent job as the next generation of manipulative Chandler men!) Too many great zingers for me to recap here. Then he turned really nasty and disinvited Babe from little Adam’s christening. Ouch. Amanda then taunted Babe about how many hot women would be hot for a newly-single Jamie. The term “slut” was bandied back and forth. Amanda just wants a chance at the boy herself, and would like Babe to step back from it. Everybody wants something around here!

Aidan surprised Di/Dixie, and she wasn’t pleased. He tried to get her to spill her guts, but she held fast. The “not wanting to hurt her family” thing. She got him to leave and made another mysterious call, not to Kevin, to warn off the dogs.

Ah, Di/Dixie’s drinking orange juice again. Look for the “consideration provided by the Florida Orange Council” at the end of the credits. Remind anyone of that classic product placement scene in “Wayne’s World?”

Tad’s back from Thailand, but without any Thai stick for Di/Dixie. Just news of Kevin. “Bangkok...hell of a name for a hell of a city.” Kevin’s living large in Thailand, but Tad’s sure he’d gladly share his “prik king” with Di/Dixie (excellent ad lib, BTW -- that is actually the name of one of my favorite Thai dishes, and rather appropriate here!). Di/Dixie interrogated Tad. He said Kevin’s not out to get her, but, perhaps, out to get her back. Tad has a big “what-if,” though: what if her information affected someone else, someone much bigger and more dangerous than Kevin?

Julia opened a trunk and tripped down memory lane, as, separately, Kendall ripped into Zach for helping her evade the WPP. (Julia’s flashbacks nearly brought me to tears, with Noah in all his magnificent, leonine glory.) Zach questioned Kendall: “What I want to hear is your secret.” He didn’t get it, so off to Wildwind, where he found the Memory Trunk. As he opened it, Julia tried to strangle him. Oh, Kendall, your instincts were, uh, dead on! Dangerous women, those Santos’!

GH
Jason refused to take faux-Sam (Alicia) to Greece, where her true love dwells. She, in turn, refused to give back his “metal” that he uses to pick his handcuff locks. Elsewhere, Sam threatened amorous Andrew that if his lips get close to hers again, she’ll bite them off. (Now that Kelly Monaco’s playing twins again, is she having “PC” flashbacks? That vamp!) Tactic backfires; he’s turned on. Allegra came in and saved the day. Andrew left, unsatisfied. Allegra tried to bond with Sam over tea. “Please. Do not act sympathetic. I hate it when heartless monsters try to feel,” said Sam. (We could draw some parallel lines here to many of Sam’s other relationships, but as we are not Freud, we will let this pass.)

One thing I will not let pass, however, is the totally hysterical way in which Kelly Monaco’s Sam reacted to Allegra’s demands. “Ballroom dance? I don’t ballroom dance!” Then her stiff attempts at the waltz, tramping on toes, spraining an ankle, frozen face and all -- I was ROTFLMAO! And thinking...hmmm...if they play it like this, what would have been awful could end up being fun and campy. Well, the initial farce-like feeling has disappeared, so strike that thought. Rats.

Big reveal from Allegra: “I’m not a grieving mother. My daughter, Alicia, is still alive.” That truly creeped Sam out. “Why do you need me?” Well, it seems Vittorio, Alicia’s true love, is as poor as a church mouse. And Alicia’s naive. “So you’re trying to protect her in your own slightly demented way?,” asked Sam. Oh, it’s all about wanting the best life for Alicia (not to mention for Allegra, too). “If you could consummate this relationship, you and Alicia would be set for life!” (Hey, don’t forget yourself, Allegra!) Allegra then claimed to be unwell (really? D-OH!), and unwilling to leave her daughter to the wolves. Pulling out all the stops, aren’t you, Allegra?

Jason and Sam were briefly reunited after unsuccessfully trying to trap Allegra. She’s got all avenues of communication locked down. What’s a trapped couple to do?

Meanwhile, back at the Pizza Shack, Jesse called GH and checked on Maxie’s condition. He then questioned the remaining teens about her drink. Was it ever unattended? Um, yeah, at one point. Anyone close by the drink tray? Well, yeah, Lucas. All eyes on Lucas! Jesse requested a search of Lucas. Then, Brook Lynn stumbled in, clothes askew and memory gone. Uh-oh.

At GH, Mac Daddy lit into Jesse, accusing him of using Maxie for his investigation. Maxie defended Jesse. “Try acting responsibly for a change,” hurled back Mac, and he stalked out of her hospital room. Tender moment between Maxie and Jesse.

Brook Lynn was brought to GH, where Lucky questioned her. She remembered little. Lucky wanted her tested for rape. Gulp. Fortunately, no sign of sexual assault. Why, then, was she drugged? Uh-oh, cut to a scene of someone dialing a phone, with nude pix of Brook Lynn on display. Double gulp.

Lorenzo hurled a pillow at Carly and demanded she leave. But Reese was after me all along, she protested. She slept with Sonny! Lorenzo: “You’re married to ME!” Then: Aren’t you relieved she’s alive? No more guilt. “Maybe you can start driving again.” Ooh, low blow, said Carly. Doesn’t appreciate his sense of humor. He insisted she married him to get back at Sonny. She loudly proclaimed that, yes, she still loves Sonny. Whoopsie. “I’m not ready to give up,” said Carly. “I am,” retorted Lorenzo. He doesn’t want to get crazed over a woman like dead bro Luis.

Reese and Sonny were having their own dramatrauma. “I kept a secret,” protested Reese. Naw, the King of Truth don’t play that game. Same as telling a lie, and you KNOW nobody’s allowed to lie to Sonny Bunny. Uh-uh! That’s how you get kicked to the curb. Why didn’t she tell him from the start, he wonders. How ridiculous, she replied, at the start at an FBI investigation into the kidnapping of his children? Yes! Tell the truth! The King of Truth has spoken! Reese could not believe how cruel Sonny could be. (He’s a mob boss, comes with the territory.) Okay, now Reese wants some truth: can Sonny look her in the eye and say he doesn’t love her?

“Love you? I don’t even know you.” He then told her to get out, but not before accusing her of being crazy. Reese retaliated, essentially saying that appearances can be deceiving. Sonny said that lies in relationships are deadly. “I never hurt you, Sonny. I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you something that shouldn’t matter, anyway.”

“I asked you to leave.”

“And I asked you to listen. Well, at least one of us is going to get what we want.” Exit Reese.

Courtney and Michael returned from a carnival outing. Sonny told Michael that Reese won’t be moving in after all. Turned out he really didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. Courtney tried to reason with Sonny about Reese’s reasons. He won’t listen to reason. How unreasonable.

Reese, crying on the docks, was found by Ric. No “I told you so?” No, just comfort. Now that it’s all out, Reese has nothing to be afraid of. Except, of course, that one night with Ric!

Ric stopped by to visit Sonny and lecture him about Reese. He told Sonny he’s known about Reese’s secret. Sonny was not amused. What other secrets are you and Reese keeping, wondered Sonny. “Doesn’t anybody get a chance to make a mistake with you?,” asked Ric. He pleaded with Sonny to give Reese a second chance. After all, Ric got one! Maybe he should have Alexis file one of her special sexual discrimination lawsuits against Sonny, as he only seems to give the occasional man a second chance.

Reese went to Kelly’s. Carly was already there. Whoopsie...can anybody say CATFIGHT? Oh, yeah! Carly threw the first punch, and it was a doozy. Reese smashed a glass, Carly threw some fries, and then Carly went sailing across the room. Mike came out to stop it, then stopped. Did he like what he was seeing too much? Well, no matter, the pause gave him time to call Sonny as Carly and Reese were flinging all the furniture at Kelly’s at each other. Finally, Mike and Justus separated them. However, the catfight resumed and Sonny showed up just in time to stop Reese from pasting a good one on Carly. Rats. Carly managed to get one more punch in as Sonny was restraining Reese. Then Sonny showed concern for Reese’s wounds. As did Mike and Justus. BOY, did that piss off Carly! Then Lorenzo showed up! Uh-oh. “I didn’t realize Mike had called you,” sniffled Carly. No, Lorenzo just wanted a bite to eat. “She’s all yours, Corinthos.”

Sonny took Reese home and questioned her about the catfight. Reese wasn’t sure if the fight was about Carly or about losing Sonny. He actually listened to her. Did she get anywhere? Remains to be seen. He offered her a spare room. She said she’ll only stay there again if she belongs there, not as a guest. Cue music montage of cast members in various forms of misery!

The next day, Reese revisited the scene of the catfight and told Ric she was leaving town. He protested. Sonny showed up and Reese informed him she was leaving town, as she should have before. Ric played Mr. Sensitive, steering the just-arrived Alexis outside of Kelly’s so Reese and Sonny could talk privately and they could discuss Alexis’ lawsuit. Reese said that she could leave and cut her losses, or stay and try to rebuild Sonny’s trust. His opinion? Go, stay, he’s not making any promises. “I don’t forgive easily.” (Everybody: D-OH!) Reese saw a tiny opening. She once again dared him to look her in the eye and tell her he doesn’t love her. Suddenly, shots rang out! Sonny showed his feelings as only he could, by immediately covering her body with his. To protect her from the bullets, of course -- mind out of gutter, please! No one was shot and Sonny figured out, lickety-split, that what it meant was that LoLo’s back in town...and in business!

Carly showed up at Casa Alcazar that same morning, after the Reese/Carly smackdown. She wanted to know why the place was crawling with bodyguards. Diego was curious, too, as his father had been about to share some family business with him. That Carly and her wacky sense of timing! Alcazar was cold and distant -- no big surprise -- yet Carly still tried to wriggle her way back in. Nope, Lorenzo wouldn’t budge. Exit Carly, soon to be replaced by Skye and Tracy, who were fetched and escorted by Diego, that fast learner. He even closed the doors to the living room like a good little mobster-in-training! Alcazar informed the two that ELQ was going to diversify and broaden its international base. Tracy called him on it right away. “You may not use my family’s company to front your illegal activities!” You go, girl! Lorenzo handed her a list of former associates who’d disagreed with him, warning her that she’d be talking to their widows. She changed her tune and left. Skye remained. She cautioned him not to do anything foolish. “So, you’re back in the business. Lorenzo Alcazar, International Scary Guy to the fifteenth power.” That’s one way to put it, he replied. Then he tried to put the moves on Skye. She slapped him after he made a rude remark about Luke. Enter Sonny, who calmly said, “You know, you always did have a way with the ladies.” Skye left, and Sonny confronted Lorenzo about his return to business, taunting him about the failed rub-out attempt earlier at Kelly’s (even though it was not meant for Sonny, for once in PC history). Stay out of my way, snarled Lorenzo, and we’ll be fine. Lines were drawn and the pissing contest began.

Meanwhile, Carly met Bobbie on the docks, hoping for someone to take her side, but her mama didn’t go for it, especially after Carly claimed to have been seduced by Reese/Charlotte’s father. “Oh, Carly!” Then: “I know your life wasn’t perfect, but you never had to turn tricks!” Carly flipped, particularly when Bobbie accused her of doing nothing but destroying lives. Why, she and Tony would probably still be married, and Lucas would have a real family, if not for Carly! OUCH!

Let’s make matters much worse. Reese visited the docks as Bobbie stormed off. “Looks like you’re running out of people to blame for your life,” observed Reese. “When people lose everything, that’s when you should be the most afraid of them,” snarled Carly. Reese ripped her to shreds, telling her she’d lost everything and everyone, and didn’t deserve to be loved. Just like those fears she had back in high school. All gone. Carly looked fairly...destroyed.

---

AMC
Julia’s back! As I suspected, she was the Wildwind “ghost.” Zach confronted her, explained who he was and why the house was empty. Funny how she knew nothing of Edmund’s death, but I guess the Witness Protection Program (WPP) shields you from all kinds of stuff.
She then turned paranoid and accused Zach of being sent to kill her. “I’ve been alive, but I haven’t had a life -- that was taken from me the day I witnessed that shooting.”

Their standoff ended when the cops (Derek and...Mimi?) burst in and yelled, “Freeze!” Julia hid. Hey, it turns out that Mimi’s heading up a task force, searching for Julia, who had left the WPP. They’re trying to find her and save her from the forces of evil. Mimi invited Zach to leave while Wildwind was searched. He snuck back and found Julia in the mausoleum. “I’m the man who will give you back your life.”

Julia still believed that Zach either killed her husband, Noah, or knows who did. She’s also got issues with the dead-end lives and jobs provided by the WPP. “How do you put a lion in a cage?” Noah, unfulfilled, destroyed, broke free and went after the man in charge. He never came back. “They told me Noah was dead.”

Zach told her he could help. Julia insisted he could not. She begged Zach to kill her, or else she’d do it herself. Zach took the pistol and removed the bullets. “I’m the man who loved your sister, Maria,  with all his heart. The man who helped destroy her life, destroy her home, and here we are. I’m not going to let you stay here.” Simply put, if she stays there, she’ll be found.

Greenlee’s spotting and, naturally, concerned. Due to the rainstorm (that ever-popular device used by the AMC team), Dr. Madden agreed to make a house call, cautioning Kendall to keep Greenlee calm. While waiting for the doctor, the girls went online to check the medical sites for information. Somewhere in Canada, Ryan, too, went online. Holy Buddy List! No, not this time. Phew. Dr. Madden showed up and suggested he examine Greenlee. (Ryan, meanwhile, shaved his head, not totally, just enough to give him the scary psycho biker look that is so attractive. Think “American History X.") After the examination, Doc said they needed to go to the hospital. Greenlee refused to think there was anything wrong with her baby. After all, since a website said spotting was normal, Greens would not consider that she could lose the baby...until she doubled over with an intense cramp. Dr. Madden carried her, still protesting, out of the apartment.

Greenlee woke up the next morning at PV Hospital, after dreaming that she gave birth to a son. Her family’s outside her room. Kendall had to deliver the sad news to Greenlee: “I’m sorry -- you had a miscarriage.” Enter Erica, Jack and Dr. Madden. Greenlee blamed Dr. Madden. “You made me lose my baby.”

Alicia Minishew (Kendall) and Rebecca Budig (Greenlee) act wonderfully together, don’t they? I cried with them, moved by their performances.

Jack’s both saddened and relieved. Erica tried to comfort him, then Greenlee. Greens asked to see Dr. Madden. Alone. He tried to empathize with her, and seemed to reach her. Then she asked if there’s another vial of Ryan’s mojo, and, if so, when can they try again? Jack walked in, mouth a-flappin’, and told her she couldn’t even consider having Ryan’s child. Dr. Madden concurred; she needs time to rest and regain her strength. The question remains: is there more Lavery mojo available?

Dr. Madden asked Jack to leave. Yes, he said, there’s more of Ryan in the deep freeze. “Greenlee, you cannot carry Ryan’s baby to term.” Seems that blood tests revealed a red flag -- her immune system rejected the baby and would likely do it again. Greenlee does not believe him.

Does this open the door for Kendall to perform the act of love mentioned in various spoilers? Will she offer to carry a Ryan/Greenlee mix in order to give Greenlee her baby?

Kendall was annoyed that she couldn’t find Zach. She bumped into Lily, who shared part of her ghost stories with her. Lily also thinks she knows where Kendall can find Zach. Uh-oh.

“I’m done hurting your family.” Zach won’t desert Julia. “You mean it?” Zach hugged her close. Enter Kendall, who wanted to know what Julia was doing back in PV and what was she doing in her husband’s arms? Holy misunderstanding! There seem to be some old feelings surfacing, none of them good. “Zach, you have no idea how radioactive this girl is!” Yow!

Here it comes: the grudge between the two is over a man, Anton (Dimitri’s illegitimate son with Corvina, his Hungarian housemaid). Who’d-a thunk it?

Julia left the Slaters alone and visions of Noah floated through her head. I loved seeing those scenes between Sydney Penney and Keith Hamilton Cobb. Julia and Noah were one of my favorite AMC couples, still are, and they provided some excellent stories and memories.

Kendall told Zach about the miscarriage and was underwhelmed by his response: Greenlee’s better off with no ties to Ryan. In the meantime, Julia took off and went to the bus terminal in an attempt to catch a ride to Philly.

Dani walked in on Mimi and Garrett snogging on the couch. But, hey, it’s all good -- after all, no virgins in that room, right? Mimi left on police business and Garrett tried to become pals with Dani. Tried far too hard, in my opinion. Why?

Dixie’s brakes nearly failed JR as he was driving the two of them from the cabin where Babe had birthed her own baby (conveniently, also in a rainstorm...they take Sturm und Drang quite seriously in the Valley. One raindrop falls, chaos/hell breaks loose). JR managed to drive to Jamie’s and burst in, accusing him of tampering with the brakes. Dixie and Babe tried to keep the peace, tugging at old ties of brotherhood (yanking, really). JR called Derek and insisted he arrest Jamie for attempted murder. Derek took both hotheads down to the station. He had Dixie’s car checked out. The forensic report showed no evidence of brake tampering, certainly not the results JR wanted to hear! He railed against the police report until Derek told him to chill out and be grateful he and Dixie averted a tragic accident.

Stubborn like his father (and mother), JR continued to rage about Jamie. Dixie and Tad tried to make him see things from Jamie’s perspective. A little role playing exercise. JR’s response? “This blows.”

Meanwhile, Babe told Jamie that if he signed off on college, she would refuse to marry him. Standoff! Two stubborn people...who will prevail? Babe then went and blabbed to JR, telling him he’d won. She’s left Jamie. Hand over Phoebe’s bank books and alert the colleges that Jamie Martin is comin’ to town. Trouble is, Phoebe’s will stipulated that Jamie had to leave Babe. JR laughed gleefully, nearly giving himself apoplexy. Now Babe’s all a-cogitatin’. When Babe thinks, nothing good can come of it.

Speaking of thinking, Tad now thinks that Dixie was indeed targeted for death by someone...perhaps her ex, Kevin? Dixie placed a collect call as Di Kirby and told the person on the other end that if anything happened to her or her loved ones, a letter she’d written would reveal everything she didn’t tell the Grand Jury about Kevin. Too bad Tad’s on his way to Thailand, in search of that same man. JINKIES!

GH
Dr. Thom-Ass dragged Sam up to the roof of GH, where a helicopter was waiting. He injected Sam with digitalis (a heart medicine that causes death if too much is given) and escaped. Jason carried her into the hospital as Sonny shot at the helicopter. (No wonder Jason does all the shooting for him; he missed.) Bad news: there’s been a bus accident and most GH staff are tied up with that. Worse news: Jason tells the ever-present Emily that she has to save Sam’s life. Even worse than that: the helicopter landed at the Q estate and Dr. Thom-Ass took Alan hostage.

Back at GH, it was a good thing that Emily took notes in class, as she was able to identify the drug that would work against the digitalis and stop Sam from going into cardiac arrest. One hurdle down, more to do. Sam still had a fight ahead of her. Coach Jason encouraged her to fight. “Fight...fight...just like you did against that white-haired guy in the tuxedo...uh, no, scratch that, just fight.”

Dr. Thom-Ass broke into the Q gun collection and held a rifle on Alan, confessing the A.J.-inspired plot to kill Jason. He demanded money and a way out of the country. Why should Alan do this (other than the gun pointed at his head)? Dr. Thom-Ass would pin the plot on Alan, that’s why. Nyahh, nyahh!

Monica saw it all through the patio window and phoned Jason to come to the rescue. Whoopsie. Dr. Thom-Ass caught her. Another hostage.

Jase is on the case and headed for the Qs. Carly learned about this and berated Sonny for letting Jason go. He told her to go home to her husband and “ride horses, or whatever it is that you do.” She stormed off. Yay, thought Reese, finally, some peace and quiet.

Dr. Thom-Ass held Alan and Monica hostage, bashing Alan in the ribs after Alan questioned his sanity. Psycho doc grabbed Monica and held a knife to her throat when Jason entered, gun drawn. Dr. Thom-Ass pulled the “Alan did it” defense on Jason, and it began to take hold. A convincing guy, that Dr. Thom-Ass! Alan watched in horror as Jason trained his gun on...him. Jason then pulled the trigger and Thom-Ass fell over, dead. Thom-Ass was barely dead a minute when Alan and Monica started telling Jason that maybe he should blame Dr. Thom-Ass for changing his life, not A.J. (I’d expect this one-note, revisionist thinking from Alan, but Monica?) “I hate him,” said Jason, “but what Dr. Thom-Ass did was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Sonny shared a tender exchange with Sam, thanking her for taking care of Michael. He also told her that he was glad she was in Jason’s life...and his. Continuing to feel sentimental, Sonny and Reese also shared a Hallmark moment. Breaking the motif, Carly went home to Alcazar and found that he had...packed her bags. He freed her to go back to Sonny, said Alcazar. She protested. Passionate clinch. She stays...for now.

The next day, Lorenzo sat Carly down for a serious talk about their marriage. She’s still steamed that he put a tracking device in her cell phone. He agreed he should have told her about that. “We can start by being honest,” said Lorenzo, in an attempt to rekindle the marriage. Uh, not Carly’s best event.

Jesse burst into Dillon’s room on the Haunted Star and found Maxie and Dillon all cozied up together. Accusations flew. Dillon then pounced on Maxie as if they were indeed involved, and told Jesse to shut the door on his way out. Holy complications!

Jesse bumped into Georgie. She tried to defend Maxie to Jesse. He “burst her idealistic little bubble” by telling her that the sleeping arrangements were closer than she thought. Georgie went to the Haunted Star and confronted the pair. “There’s only one way to solve this!” Georgie took the middle of the cot, in between Dillon and Maxie. Interesting problem-solving skills that girl has.

Durant wanted to arrest Jason. Ric defended him, saying he shot Dr. Thom-Ass in self-defense. “Release him,” said Durant, reluctantly. Reese showed up, stunned that Ric would defend Jason. “Is it because you slept with your brother’s girlfriend?” Enter Alexis, as stealthily as Michael. What did she hear?

Doesn’t Monica bounce back gracefully? It was only half a day or so since the whole Dr. Thom-Ass hostage incident, and she's doing rounds at GH. I’m impressed!

Jason and Sam were released from their respective lairs (jail/GH) and reunited with Michael. Jason apologized for taking so long to figure out what really happened to A.J. Michael, of course, was forgiving. He asked about Dr. Thom-Ass, and Jason said he was a bad man who did a lot of bad things. Michael understood. Mike then told Jason and Sam that Sonny had a surprise for them. No, not another person to kill. No, not a request to take Michael to his dancing lesson. Sonny told Mike to tell them about the surprise. Mike, Jason and Sam went into Kelly’s and Michael lagged behind to retrieve a toy. Enter...Jodie? “I’m not real, I’m just part of you,” and Jodie hugged Michael and disappeared.

Ric greeted Alexis happily. She invited Reese to breakfast, sans Ric. “There’s a matter I want to discuss with you, and I really couldn’t bring myself to talk about it in front of him.” Alexis was smiling like the cat that caught the canary. Y’think Reese will be able to choke down anything more than Pepto-Bismol?

“Just coffee for me...and a blueberry muffin,” ordered Reese, after Alexis asked for half the menu (eating for two, you know!). “It’s about you and Ric...I’m not going to lie to you, this makes me very uncomfortable.” Gulp, thought Reese. Whatever could Alexis be talking about? OH! She wants to join their law firm! Another gulp for Reese, who had been thinking more along the lines of a totally different threesome. Great scene!

Ric joined them and was against the idea, saying that now that they’re back together, it would be unwise to work together. Plus, she’s pregnant. You join the firm, then go on maternity leave? Ric, you doth protest too much.

What’s a girl to do? Sue Reese and Ric for sexual discrimination, of course!

Sonny had an important request for Reese, but promised to ask her later, when they had some time alone. Meanwhile, Morgan dumped Reese’s purse and Sonny found Michael putting it back together (noticing a mysterious invitation as he did). Sonny had something he wanted to tell Michael about Reese. Namely, that he wants to ask Reese to move in with them. Sonny remembered (to his credit) the only good advice ever doled out by Dr. Thom-Ass -- you don’t let a nine year old make adult decisions -- so he stressed that he wasn’t asking Michael’s permission, but it would be nice if they could agree. Michael decided it was worth a shot. Big hugs from Sonny!

Reese met Ric about Alexis’ lawsuit. She suggested they let her join the law firm. Ric’s still against it. Reese is all distracted because she thinks Sonny’s going to ask her to move in. Ric thinks it’s risky, with Reese’s secrets and all. Especially the one about the night they spent together. Oh, and the fact that she is Charlotte Roberts, Carly’s old nemesis. Reese disagreed, saying he’d forgive her about the Carly connection. She wants to come clean with Sonny before Carly finds out and does it herself. Ric’s still against it. Sonny doesn’t forgive easily, he warns, and left for court. Guess who comes in? Yep, Carly. She wants to know who Reese really is. What timing! A few snipes here, a few snipes there, and Reese left for Sonny’s.

Michael and Morgan came to Casa Alcazar for a visit. Michael spilled the beans about what Sonny was going to ask Reese.

Reese showed up at Sonny’s and walked in to one of Sonny’s home-cooked, patented, romantic dinners. She said yes before he could even ask the question. “Do you want to know what you just agreed to?” Yes! He asked her to move in with him, wake up with him every day. But wait -- he’s sensing hesitation on her part.

Michael noticed the same strange invitation at Casa Alcazar. “Mom, I didn’t realize you and Reese went to the same high school!” BINGO!

Sonny arranged for a romantic getaway for Jason and Sam. He hired a completely stocked boat for them to relax on, and said not to come back until they’re ready. Jason told Sam that they weren’t going to come back until they found the perfect place for their wedding.

Jason and Sam checked out their new digs. Total luxury. Whoops, Sam’s star necklace has a broken clasp. (Too bad she can’t Shop the Soaps, eh?) She told Jason how much the necklace means to her. I see something coming...the three weeks of storyline that Steve Burton (Jason) swore we were gonna hate, at his event at the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend.

Oh, yeah...a mysterious black-gloved hand stole the necklace. Sam’s upset. They left the cabin to search the boat. No luck. Back at the cabin and...it’s back. Yay, thought Sam, maybe I willed it back. Jason’s skeptical. Black Glove is still lurking in the closet.

Meanwhile, some sort of Sea Patrol has boarded the yacht. When Jason and Sam confronted them, they were told they’re trespassing in private waters -- and Sam’s wearing stolen jewelry. SNATCH! All hell broke loose.

Sam: “You have no right to take my necklace.”

Thug 1: “This was reported stolen by the Montenegro family -- you two are thieves!” The thugs “arrested” Jason and Sam. Here we go! Jason is chained in a convenient dungeon, Sam dragged off to meet their charming hostess. She is led to a striking brunette, seemingly old enough to be her mother, who exclaimed, “My God...it’s you!”

---

AMC
"If that woman really were Dixie, you'd be on her quicker than a hiccup." -- Krystal to Dr. David.

In the "I See Dead People" department, isn't Ryan lucky that the one person who saw him as he brilliantly walked from Zach's office to the gazebo (sans disguise, that Rhodes Scholar) was Lily? Lucky man. But wait! She chose Zach to be the first to see the ghost. Wacky Zach saved the day by talking to the ghost, saying it was there to make sure Greenlee was okay. One ghost down, one to go: Lily told Zach about the Wildwind ghost. He promised to investigate. "Alone, Lily."

What, someone threw a baby shower for Greenlee and forgot to invite her? No, just that nutty Kendall, going wild with her Platinum card, and bringing Greens to tears with her kindness. Mega bonding moment. "You loved him, too," sobbed Greenlee, and she asked Kendall to be the baby's godmother.

Why was Dixie so freaked about the sign that identified the cardiac care wing as dedicated to the memory of Dixie Cooney Martin -- beloved Niece, Wife and Mother? Wasn't her reaction a bit extreme?

Wasn't it nice to see Alfie Vanderpool? I'm surprised he doesn't have an inner office at the bank by now.

Dr. Evil tried to get Krystal to play "Truth or Dare" with shots of his special truth serum. She refused, but he took a shot. Q&A time! What's the 411 on Dixie? David claims...to have the hots for Krystal! Nothing more! No dirt on Dixie! (He did tell Krystal she had a "nice rack," though.)

Pine Valley's latest Dr. Evil -- that would be Dr. Greg Madden -- told Greenlee that they have something in common: they've both gone to extraordinary measures to bring children into the world. He let slip that he and his wife had trouble conceiving. Hmm. There's something more going on. Josh told Erica that his dad's had a major crush on her for years. HMMM.

Jack's not happy about "Ryan's legacy," the baby, in light of what he saw on the DVD -- namely, Ryan's rage. Erica urged him not to make the same mistake she made with Bianca and her baby. Sage advice.

Speaking of the new Dr. Evil, what does he know about Baby Lavery that he's not sharing?

"I have NEVER been like other mothers!" The understatement of the decade, said by Erica to Kendall. Got that right! Kendall had called her on her plot with JR, and Erica wasn't happy that her cover was blown. Kendall softened the blow by admitting that she knew Erica did it because she loves her. Nice, and nicely done.

Didn't JR look like one of the Village People after Babe trussed him up?

Zach broke into Wildwind, looking for Lily's other ghost. He found...Lily, whom he had told not to go to the estate. Yep, Det. Lily, searching for clues! Sam, however, was not pleased to see Zach. He threw him out. Sam and Lily had words. She left. Who's that lurking in the background? (Bet it starts with a "J"...)

The New York Daily News (Aug.  2) reported that Eva LaRue (ex-Maria) has joined the cast of CBS' "CSI: Miami." She'll play the head of the unsolved cases department. Good for her! LaRue deserves this, after several failed attempts at prime time (not counting her appearances on "The George Lopez Show"). She's joining an established show, part of a major franchise, and I wish her all the best. ABC's loss is certainly CBS' gain!

GH
Alcazar's not pleased that Carly wants to spend the night with her children. Well, since it would be a sleepover playdate at Sonny's, he has every right to be P.O.'d. Sonny explained that Michael had just remembered he didn't kill A.J. Alcazar kindly asked Michael if he'd like his mother to stay, and Michael said yes. Alcazar said, well, then that's where she belongs. Carly thanked him privately and he left.

Reese is hot on Dr. Thom-Ass' trail. She paid him a visit, and as she raised questions about Dr. Rachel Adair and her convenient suicide after pointing her finger at Dr. Thom-Ass, the big bad doctor snuck up behind her, filled syringe in hand. However, Det. Jesse and Officer Lucky had the same disregard for knocking as did Reese, bursting into the office, so the syringe was not used. Guess what -- they want to know about Dr. Adair, too!

The boys in blue denim asked Dr. Thom-Ass if Dr. Adair had seemed depressed, and he jumped on that, building it up so that if he'd said she asked him how to tie a noose, they would have believed it. Slick. They left and bumped smack into Reese, who was waiting to tell them what she knew about Drs. Adair and Thom-Ass. A call came in from the coroner, confirming that Rachel died from an overdose. No signs of force or struggle. A suicide. Back to the drawing board, Reese!

Why was Alan destroying brickwork on Monica's house? Because he gave it to her, that's why. No, actually, there's something hidden behind one brick. It's a letter. About 10 years old. Alan read it and sobbed. A.J.'s secrets?

Jason and Sam showed up to confront Alan and Monica for more details about the 10 year old car accident. They believe Alan and Monica are hiding something. Damn straight, they are.

Alan: "For ten years, you refused to talk about the accident or your recovery. You turned your back on our family and you rejected any effort we made in order to have a relationship with you, and now, out of the blue, you want to..."

Monica: "Stop it, Alan. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have, Jason."

Monica answered their questions about Dr. Thom-Ass freely, until A.J. was mentioned. Deep freeze. Eventually, Monica revealed that Jason went into cardiac arrest at one point during his coma, the one night no family members were standing vigil. Why did he go into cardiac arrest? Don't know. Strange, considering she's a heart surgeon. The doctors told the Qs at one point that Jason might remain in a vegetative state and need to be institutionalized. Jason, however, beat the odds. He and Sam thanked Alan and Monica and left. Alan said, "You're wrong. Jason never woke up." BIG SLAP for Alan. "That's because YOU tried to kill him!" Oooh, don't you just love deep, dark family secrets?

Monica opened a can of whoop-ass on Alan, accusing him of trying to murder Jason the night of the cardiac arrest, the second crisis. Why? Two days earlier, Dr. Tony Jones had dropped the vegetable scenario on them. No, said Alan, I saved his life that night. I was there, and revived him before ICU got there. Why keep it quiet, then? Alan had hesitated for a moment, wondering if Jason would be better off dead. Then he saved him. However, his hesitation shamed him.

Reese shared her suspicions about Dr. Thom-Ass with Sonny. Enter Carly, who gleefully told Reese she was spending the night. A few snipes back and forth. Exit Reese. Sonny has tired of Carly's games and told her so, over her protestation of marital bliss with Alcazar. Exit Carly, but not before telling Sonny he could now get Reese back for the night. Mee-owtch!

Carly crawled into bed with Alcazar and told him that this is where she belongs. He doubts her sincerity, but kept it to himself.

Sonny did, in fact, call Reese and got her answering machine, making the booty call that Carly suggested.

Durant insisted that Jesse and Lucky reopen the Adair case, as he's convinced Sonny had her killed. Lucky got into an altercation with Durant after Durant insinuated that, due to his money problems, he was on Sonny's payroll and therefore was not interested in reopening the case.

Sam and Jason broke into Dr. Thom-Ass' office to find Jason's old medical file. Hmm. The page dealing with the night of his cardiac arrest was missing. Sam threw out that maybe A.J. tampered with the file. Whoopsie -- enter Dr. Thom-Ass! Jason pulled his gun on Thom-Ass and Sam pocketed the partially destroyed cassette tape from Michael's file. They left for their penthouse.

Jason gave the tape to surveillance-whiz Stan (remember him?) for repair. Stan also brought Jason some powerful drugs to help spark his buried memories, but cautioned him that they were very strong and not thoroughly tested.

Jason told Sam to go check on Michael, she left, and he was about to inject himself with the drugs when she came back. She wasn't happy. A major fight ensued. Oh, but it's all for Michael! Jason want to take an unproven drug to probe his mind, but it's all good because...it's for Michael! Sam's not buying it. "I am asking you, Jason, if you love me, please...I'm begging you, please don't do this."
"You know that I love you."
Okay, said Sam, but would you at least let me stay in case something happens to you? "I hate this, but all the reasons that you're doing this are all the reasons why I love you." She hugged him and went upstairs. He filled the syringe and injected himself with the drug.

Sam came down to check on Jason. He's nodding out like a heroin addict. She begged him for the bottle so she can show it to a doctor.
First memory: Dr. Thom-Ass and Alan. A syringe. Thom-Ass injecting Jason's IV; Alan doing nothing to stop him. Frankenjase (name courtesy of Kathy Hardeman!): "He did it. Must...go...there." He gets up to leave the apartment, with Sam frantically chasing him.

Jason went to confront Alan and pulled a gun on him, screaming that A.J.'s alive. "He's here! Is he hiding behind you as always?" No, what the dripping-with-sweat Frankenjase is seeing is Sam entering the room, behind Alan and Monica. Monica frantically told him, "Don't shoot! It's Sam!" Sam gently talked him down, but he ran away from them all and jumped on his motorcycle, which he then wiped out. Badly. Sam found him and yelled for help. Monica immediately tended to him while Alan called for an ambulance. Jason was taken to GH, where -- SHOCK! -- Dr. Tony Jones was on duty, and swore that it was a much lesser accident than the one 10 years ago. A mere "bump on the head."

Alan actually went to the chapel and lit some candles, holding that mysterious letter to his chest. Monica joined him. They spoke of the night when Jason went into cardiac arrest, and Alan wondered if the time he wasted caused irreparable brain damage.

"You knew, all these years, that A.J. was trying to kill Jason."
"Jason was dying...I saved his life, that's all that matters." Alan claimed that A.J. was full of remorse over the accident, and was planning to confess. With A.J.'s letter, Alan carried the pain. Monica accused him of wanting the truth to come out, otherwise, he would have burned the letter.

Stan brought what he salvaged of Dr. Thom-Ass' tape to Sonny, who shared it with Reese. Michael, lurking on the stairwell (how uncharacteristic of the lad!), overheard, and asked about the tape. He then said that Dr. Thom-Ass was always talking about A.J. Later, at GH, Sam told Sonny and Reese what she knew. Enter Dr. Thom-Ass (does this man not have a life?). He defended the use of hypnosis and said that because of this treatment, "Jodie has left the building."

Back at the Pizza Shack, Maxie gave Dillon the third degree, questioning why Jesse is so reluctant to have a relationship with her. Georgie walked over just as Dillon was rhapsodizing about how great Maxie is, and suggested that maybe he was dating the wrong sister. Ouch.

Fortunately, Doug had a change of heart and rehired Georgie. "Georgie's a hard worker; it's her friends I can live without." These sisters plot about how best to handle Jesse. Enter Jesse...with a hottie.  To avenge her sister, Georgie dropped a meatball sandwich on the chick. Uh, Georgie? Not the best thing to do after you've just been rehired. Lucky for her, Doug tagged Maxie as the troublemaker -- "You put your sister up to this, didn't you?" -- and Maxie responded by dumping a soda on Jesse. Turns out the hottie is an undercover cop who met Jesse only an hour ago. Double whoopsie. Well, at least Doug didn't fire Georgie. "You got pizzazz. I like an employee with pizzazz!" Georgie read Jesse the riot act. He went in search of Maxie and found her on the docks.

"I'll stop bugging you," said Maxie. "I know that's what you want."
"That's the last thing that I want," and he pulled her into a passionate kiss. Which proceeded to his room, where Maxie broke off the clinch and asked Jesse how HE liked the push-pull effect! Holy blue balls! Fortunately, he started to say the right things to her, except for the part about choosing a career that trumped personal relationships. "For someone so cute, you're pretty lame," said Maxie. After all, her dad's a cop, and he manages to have a decent personal life. They talked it out and fell onto the bed, in serious makeout mode. TRIPLE WHOOPSIE! An unexpected visit from...Mac!

A fire in Elizabeth's apartment right after Lucky moved out? Good thing that Jax happened to be close by and able to save Elizabeth and Cameron! How will Lucky react? Well, he heard the report of the fire over his police radio, and took off like a bat out of hell. He met up with Jax at GH, accused him of sitting outside Elizabeth's apartment, then was broadsided when Jax said that he was under the impression that Lucky had abandoned Elizabeth. Not a good way to bond, boys!

---

 

AMC
Hey, JR, now that your mama’s back, it’s a bit more difficult to slam-dunk a babe (whoops, poor choice of word) and toss her out! You’re GROUNDED!

Rebecca Budig, as usual, is doing a fine job taking Greenlee through the stages of grief. It broke my heart when she started questioning if she should do things the same way she did for Leo.

That Kendall’s no dummy, starting to put the little Lavery pieces together. Zach, an old pro at disappearing, does seem one step ahead. Aidan’s detective antennae are twitching, though.

Now, Dr. Evil (David) IS good, but would he have known the nasty history between Dixie and Janet Green, Amanda’s mother? When Dixie reminded JR of the bad blood between them -- Janet having killed her brother, Will -- I nearly fell off the couch!

When Ryan spied on Kendall comforting Greens, curled up next to her in bed, I'll bet he was thinking, “Damn, wouldn’t I want to be part of THAT sandwich.” Loser. I so do not like the twists and turns this character has taken these past months. It seems he’s spent the night staring at his grieving widow via the CCTV in his latest hideout, Zach’s office. Uh, EEEW?

I believe Tuesday (July 26) marked the first time Thorsten Kaye (Zach, ex-Ian, PC) and Ian Buchanan (Dr. Madden, ex-Joshua, PC) shared an AMC scene together. It was in character for them to be wary of one another, but I swear they were checking out each other’s necks for fang marks! All they need now is a crossover from OLTL -- Det. John McBain (Michael Easton, ex-Caleb/Stephen, PC) -- and another from GH, Sam McCall (Kelly Monaco, ex-Livvie/Tess, PC)! Fangs for the memories, guys!

Whomever composed the background music that played as Erica was opening the door to Zach’s office, about to discover Ryan, has the same twisted sense of humor as I do. A close listen revealed that the music was a variation on a theme from that old classic, “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” Love it!

Tad’s on the trail of the man Dixie/Di went to prison for, and she’s not happy. Seems Kevin was a ruthless corporate raider, not unlike Palmer or Adam (a shrink could have a field day with this), and his company suffered an Enron-like collapse. Why, wondered Tad, would Dixie/Di go to prison for a worm like that while he got off scot-free?

Amanda’s making a powerful enemy in JR. She’s caused discord between Jamie and Babe, especially now that Jamie confessed to Babe that Amanda’s got the hots for him. Hmm, thought Babe. That’s not how a real BFF acts. She confronted Amanda, who dodged the accusations deftly. Just like dear ol’ Mom -- a chip off the Planeteer!

I, for one, can’t wait for the backstory on Dr. Madden’s supposed crush on Erica. This looks promising.

GH
“I’m not about to bury my career to satisfy a control freak” -- Lucky to Jax after the latter’s suggestion he take a desk job at the PCPD so as not to put Elizabeth (and baby JaxAss) in danger.

Here’s another example of a character I once adored (see AMC’s Ryan), who now makes me ill. Ratting out Elizabeth’s fainting spell was just the last straw. Brava, Elizabeth, for telling Jax that he’d better get his anxiety under control. Get this boy some meds!

The Sonny/Emily scenes are working for me. Sonny: “I will never, ever, tell you what to do. I know what you’ve been through, and I’ve lived with it for more years than you can imagine...I know what happens when somebody smashes your body and cripples your soul. And you’re too small, you’re too weak, and helpless to stop them. And then when the physical scars heal, people always say to you, ‘Aw, c’mon, get over it.’ But you can’t.”

She shared with him how, prior to the rape, her mother’s death was her life’s defining moment. “I’ll never forget her, and I’ll never be the same for having lost her.”

Then Sonny made what I believe to be his most intimate statement to a woman (or anyone, for that matter): “Sometimes I wish I’d known what kind of a man I’d be, or what kind of life I’d be living right now, if I wasn’t knocked around when I was a little kid.”

“Maybe a little less angry, a little quicker to trust?”

“Maybe.”

Well written, powerfully acted.

What Dylan Cash (Michael) nearly blurted out at the NLG event held at the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend has been officially revealed: Jodie is a figment of Michael’s imagination. Sam and Jason’s stunned silence spoke more than words. Then, away from Michael, Jason said, “How can I not see how bad it was?”

Sam hit it right on the head: “Maybe Michael created this Jodie because the situation was so traumatic, he needed her to tell us.”

At his event, Steve Burton (Jason) said that, “Sonny and Carly are the worst parents in the world.” Agreed. And I nominate Jason and Sam for best parents in the world who don’t have children of their own.

Jason and Sam enlisted Reese to use her FBI connections to find out any information about Jodie. Her computer search found a Jodie Monroe from Port Charles...trouble is, she’s a 35-year-old mother of two. However, she did go to Michael’s school, and guess what? There’s a picture of her hanging prominently in the hallway! Jason explained the imaginary friend theory, and Reese advised him to bring everyone home (which probably included Jodie). Not yet, said Jason, but do me a favor and keep an eye out for Sam, who got picked up by the police.

Reese barely hung up the phone and all of a sudden, Alcazar and Carly were upon her, eyes blazing, demanding to know where Michael was. Reese told them that she didn’t have to tell them a thing; however, it seemed that maybe Michael didn’t kill A.J. after all. That shut up the Alcazi.

Reason in the form of Alcazar took over after Reese warned Carly that going after Michael could cause him to further repress the memory of the night A.J. was murdered. Alcazar told Carly that the best thing they could do for Michael would be to find A.J.’s killer.

Was I spaced out when Reese began assuming ALL of Alexis’ past positions (ha!) with Sonny? She sure stood up to Durant, though, and I liked her suggestion that Durant needed a...date.

Alan told Monica that the police are after Michael for A.J.’s murder. She claimed that she knew it all along, but kept quiet to protect Michael. Enter Carly and Alcazar, fishing for clues. Carly’s not so sure that Monica or Alan didn’t kill A.J. Right back at ya, hurls Monica, you had plenty of motive yourself.

Dr. Thom-Ass called Jason, who confided in him regarding Jodie. Bad move, Jase. Dr. Thom-Ass has his own agenda.

Michael was right when he realized that Jason didn’t see Jodie. He loudly proclaimed that Jason thought he was crazy, then yelled, “I AM crazy.” Jason grabbed the troubled boy and held him close. He then carried him into his cabin and reassured Michael that he’d always be there to protect him. Unfortunately, Jason let his guard down where Dr. Thom-Ass was concerned (probably because Sam was not around to talk him down), and phoned the doctor with a progress report on Michael. Thom-Ass implored him to bring Michael home. The connection was then broken. Jason began flashing back to the time he was in the hospital after A.J. made mincemeat of his skull in that drunken car accident. They weren’t pleasant memories. Could A.J. and Dr. Thom-Ass have been plotting to kill Jason all those years ago? The flashbacks certainly indicate this. What’s the story?

“How much is one little boy supposed to take?” -- Sonny to Jason, after Jason told him the whole Jodie scenario. Sonny went to Durant, trading Michael for Sam and Jason. Deal with the devil, you get the horns.

Sonny finally told Carly about Jodie and admitted that Michael needs help that they can’t give him. Holy Big Reveal, Batman! Carly’s not too thrilled to hear that Reese knew about this before she did. Enter Reese. Whoops. Then, enter Durant, who, naturally, double-crossed Sonny and took Michael into custody, along with Jason (Sam’s already in the clink). Sonny, who really, really hated it when Durant referred to him as a thug, railed against him, making all kinds of threats. This is getting good, and the week’s not even over!

Reese happened upon Dr. Rachel Adair (remember her?), standing in A.J.’s last hospital room, clutching a pillow to her bosom. “Remembering?,” she asked. “You’re the forgotten person in A.J.’s murder.” Rachel reminded Reese that she’d told the police everything she knew after A.J. was killed. Reese: “And you convinced them that you’re innocent. Let me just refresh my memory. You and A.J. were lovers, he charmed you, he played upon your emotions and got you involved in his little plan to get back at all the people that hurt him in his life.” Then, of course, A.J. hung her out to dry. Can anyone say “MOTIVE?” Damn, that Reese is good at interrogation. She’s getting to Rachel. Bit by bit.

Full disclosure: after spending time with Kari Wuhrer (Reese) and her husband, James Scura, my perspective on Reese has changed. Before, I was on the fence about Reese; I found the character inoffensive at worst. I now view Reese differently, in a much more positive light. Kari is an absolute doll, but, again, refer to Part III of my GHFCW Recap for the full story. I had great moments with a number of the GH actors, cementing how I regarded some of them and giving me new respect for others.

Rachel insisted that she knows who killed A.J., and it wasn’t Michael. She said it was Dr. Thom-Ass. Too bad for her he’s listening outside the door. Prelude to a bye-bye? Rachel claimed she saw Dr. Thom-Ass exiting A.J.’s room at the precise time he was killed. Reese wasn’t easily swayed. She confronted Dr. Thom-Ass, who swiftly covered his Thom-Ass. Reese left, unsatisfied. Time for him to call Rachel! And look, he has a syringe and vial of nasty stuff in his desk, just like in the flashbacks of brain-damaged Jason in his hospital bed. Flashback to Dr. Thom-Ass at A.J.’s bedside, soliloquizing about A.J.’s attempts to blackmail him, even though he HAD injected Jason all those years ago, but Jason was revived, “except for the brain part.” Dr. Thom-Ass had refused to testify that A.J. was mentally incapacitated when he kidnapped Michael and shot Alan. A.J. attempted to blackmail him. So, bye-bye, A.J. Now, out of flashback mode, enter Rachel. Bye-bye.

GH has certainly been busy this Monday through Wednesday, as other important things were also going on in The Chuckles. Maxie read Jesse the riot act, right in front of a couple of perps that Jesse and Lucky had just cuffed. The perps were gleeful as Maxie informed Jesse that lots of cops had girlfriends, and her father, the police commissioner, had best get over it.

Scenes this week prominently including Monica and Alan, then Mac Daddy -- a veritable plethora of GH vets! Great to see them, even better that they have real story to play out. The “intervention” between the gurrrrlls and Mac Daddy was especially pleasing, no? The chemistry between Kirsten Storms (Maxie) and Lindze Letherman (Georgie) is real -- and I saw it up close while at the GHFCW, but you’ll have to check out the GHFCW Recaps for those stories!

Finally, a Brook Lynn sighting!  Maxie announced Mac’s new policy of letting his daughters date whom they want, which was kinda awkward as Brook and Diego were right there. Even more so when she told Jesse the news and he flat-out turned her down in front of Lucky. The teens went to the Pizza Shack. Palpable tension between Brook and Diego now that Maxie’s officially announced she’s a free agent.

Introducing...Paolo Presta, a talented and personable young actor, who was one of the winners of Oprah’s “Wildest Dreams!” His debut on Wednesday, July 27, as Pizza Shack owner Doug Mancino, threw him right in the middle of the teen action. Literally. (With Georgie working there, the Shack will likely be seeing a lot of the teens.) Nik neatly kicked things off by getting drunk after a tense pizza with Emily. Then, a fight broke out amongst the teens, Doug blamed Georgie and fired her, then demanded that Lucky and Jesse arrest those who caused such a disturbance in his establishment. Chaos ensued. Jesse admitted he was falling for Maxie. Lotta action, with the promise of much more. (BTW, Paolo/Doug’s next air date is August 2. Look for Part III of my GHFCW Recap to learn more about this great guy. He’s a real sweetheart, just like the rest of the teens.)

And...I’m spent. See you next week!

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