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Thu, Dec. 8th, 2005, 02:27 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.


Wow. As a final slap, Greenlee bestows her shares of Fusion upon Babe, of all the least likely candidates. A Kendall/Babe pairing is reminiscent of the old Erica/Hayley or Erica/Greenlee pairings at Enchantment, so that part makes absolute sense. This should provide some lively action, not to mention hurled insults. Interesting, too, are the Fusion ads that sometimes run before the next day's previews are shown. As mentioned before, there's Amanda, whooping it up with Fusion gals Kendall, Simone and Dani, filmed before the audience knew that Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig was not renewing her contract. Hmm. Guess there's been some major script changes/character directions since then, as Amanda is Josh's new assistant at "New Beginnings," and it's Babe with her foot and other assets in the door at Fusion (Kendall: "Plastic or silicone?" Love it!).

While I'm on that subject, how do you think LaKane will react to Josh's new hire? She hated Amanda's Aunt Natalie, but I don't recall any major Erica/Janet conflicts. If anyone out there is clutching their heart and remembering past feuds, please recover quickly and send me an e-mail. Sometimes the ol' memory needs a wake up call!

Since when has Brooke become the sole caregiver to that rotten little drunk-in-training, Sam Grey? Was it not MARTINS he wanted to live with, to get in touch with his BLOOD family? Brooke is technically an ex-Martin, but, hey, it gets her on the canvas, and that's more important to me. (Especially since Julia "Brooke" Barr has let it be known that she'll be sticking around Pine Valley for another year or so.) Sam's history as of December 20th, and I am looking forward to that day, particularly since TPTB will be doing a real tapdance to thoroughly destroy the boy and send him out of the Valley, tail between his legs. They started real quick on Wednesday, with Brooke telling Julia that he's been drinking up a storm for the past two weeks, complete with beer cans strewn about his bedroom and drunken joyrides in her car. To this I say: WTF? Brooke, would you have let Jamie carry on like this for so long? I don't think so. As I recall, you slapped him silly after his drunken tirade in public against Adam, and he deserved it. Yet underage Sam can go on a two week drunk and you're only NOW informing Aunt Hoolia? Weird, given Brooke's history with alcoholics. Follow me here (as I redeem my occasional memory lapses): Brooke was married to an alcoholic (Tom), later married an alcohol abuser (that would be Adam), and lost a daughter to a drunken driver. Her son briefly abused alcohol as a teen (yet no major punishment was meted out), her stepson (JR) had a drug problem and has been known to overdo it with the booze. Dear Aunt Phoebe sometimes raided the sherry bottle a bit too often. The fiance Brooke shot and killed, Jim, liked to take nude pictures of young girls, including her adopted daughter, Laura. Okay, that last one doesn't fit the alcoholic pattern I'm establishing here, but you get the picture. Brooke has been surrounded by people who have drinking or anti-societal problems. Is she the Great Enabler? I'm not really sure, but there has to be a reason why she attracts these people.  Let's see how Brooke's return to the AMC storytelling canvas plays out.

Now that Rebecca Budig is out on the West Coast, she's getting some attention from one of my favorite gossip columnists, E! Online's Ted Casablanca, who writes "The Awful Truth" every weekday. He actually gave us a trifecta of former AMC stars in his column on Monday, starting off with a conversation with Josh (Danny, "Las Vegas;" ex-Leo, AMC). Here's Ted: "We were yappin', when his former onscreen ex-wife, Rebecca Budig, lashed out at him, all cheeky: 'Josh, can't you get some new f-cking clothes already? You wore that every day in New York!' These two yucked it up on All My Children, see." Ted went on to ask Josh one of his trademark, eyebrow-raising questions: "'Who would you do over 40?' I asked because I could. Now, this one made J.D. scrunch those dark-blond eyebrows. Rebecca-babe popped out her answer right away: 'Steven Tyler.' Brilliant! And while Josh was still searching his noggin for AARP lust waves, she answered for him, 'Josh, why don't you say Finola Hughes?' Joshy-cakes blushed some more and brought it down to a whisper. 'I don't know, you know, how old she is. I'm just gonna leave this one alone.' Finola, meanwhile, actually is
in the over-fortay crowd, but I love a polite dude, don't you?"

That same column: "Rebecca and her hub-unit, Bob Guiney, couldn't have been more fun. Dollface Michelle Trachtenberg was jolly too, telling me about how being famous is hard because, 'You get coffee on a bad-hair day, and suddenly it's, like, on film.' Oh, honey, I

MEMORY REDEMPTION! Y'all remember where Michelle Trachtenberg got her first break, dontcha? She was the original Lily on AMC! Zero degrees of separation from Duhamel and Budig!

Later in the week, Casablanca spotted Budig again: "Rebecca Budig and Bob Guiney, doing egg whites and yappin' their brains out. Eat Well. WeHo. Okay, so
The Bachelor duo also had fruit and toast, but do you need to know that? Rebecca-babe ate like a damn horse and made zero
suspicious trips to the powder room. Impressive!" (WeHo, BTW, translates to West Hollywood in Tedspeak.)

Here's another blast from the past for ya. Monday's episode of
Las Vegas was directed by Robert Duncan McNeill. Sound familiar? Well, he played the first teenaged Charlie Brent on AMC, rival of Nico (Maurice Benard) for the love of Julie Chandler (Lauren Holly)! Since leaving the show in 1988, he's acted (most notably in Star Trek: Voyager) and done a fair amount of directing, including other episodes of Las Vegas and one of Desperate Housewives

Dr. Patrick Drake is quite the little dreamboat, yet as cocky and arrogant as his father, Noah, once was. Great casting -- he even resembles the young Dr. Noah Drake. And didn't he enter the hospital with (ahem) a bang?!? VERY promising character, especially with all the glorious past his presence will evoke. More airtime for the hospital vets, too. Always a good thing!

Georgie's helping cousin Lucas with the difficult task of coming out to his family, though she's going along with his plan to delay it until after the holidays. Have you noticed that Lucas and Dillon seem to be using the same hair gel? Just askin'.

Previews show Manny Ruiz, the man who will not die, invading GH's operating room as Jason's surgery is being performed. Sonny draws a gun. My question: how the hell do armed thugs get into an OR? Do they have to scrub up first? Remind me never to have surgery at GH!

Speaking of Manny, GHH2 says, "A eerily familiar incident early next year brings Emily and Sonny much closer together, while pushing Nik and Em further apart." Let's speculate. Manny, obviously still alive. Rumors abound of a sexual attack on Sam (I don't believe the times he's been thwarted in the past count; this is new stuff). Emily and Sonny first truly bonded when she opened up to him about Connor raping her. What else could GHH2 be referring to?

Also regarding Sam, GHH2 had this tidbit: "Expect Sam's exploration of her past to impact several PC citizens, as well as her relationship with Jason. This will be a major storyline." Please, on all that is holy, do NOT make her a twin again, least of all to Robin Scorpio! I'd much rather see a Cassadine connection. (And my plea to not make her a twin is not because Kelly "Sam" Monaco isn't up to the job; she's proven her talent at that before, except, perhaps, that ridiculous Sam/Ali dancing piece of crap -- it's just that the whole twin thing has been done TOO many times. Enough already!)

GHH2 also drops a hint about Nik's reluctance to be a father. "We will see his fears revisited as the Cassadine Prince finds himself battling a demon of his own." Well, Nik must have "father issues," considering the Stavros/Stefan "who's your daddy/uncle" storyline. Is history repeating itself? Did someone mess with Courtney's paternity test? Highly likely, especially since The Wubqueen (www.wubs.net) reports "Courtney has another paternity test -- guess who the father is not!" and "Helena Cassadine comes back to town and she's not leaving until she has what she came for!" Put it all together and it spells bad news for Courtney. Helena doesn't regard her as the ideal brood mare for the next Cassadine heir (shades of the whole Charles/Camilla/Diana mess all those years ago in Jolly Olde England, no?). Therefore, it would make sense that Helena tampered with the paternity test and had Jax turn out to be the daddy. Also, given that Alicia Leigh "Courtney" Willis is leaving the show, a trademark Helena kidnapping is not out of the realm of possibilities. If there's a Cassadine fetus involved, even more motivation.

Alexis is looking great with her new 'do and renewed banter with Ric. Making the Christmas tree hunt/post-hunt lovemaking a traditional event? You go, girl! It was fun to see Luke interacting with his Natasha again, especially when he purposely drove her nuts by giving lots of candy to NuKristina. More, please!

Apologies in advance, but there's no way I can let this go unmentioned any longer. Those promos for Robin's blog? "Read 'Robin's Daily Dose?'" I confess: each and every time I see that, I silently end that recommendation with "..of the clap."

Thu, Dec. 1st, 2005, 04:14 pm

 Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

Well, Greenlee has taken her leave of Pine Valley, in a much more low-key way than this sequence of events began. Now that she's driven off into the night, without so much as a farewell to her family and remaining (Fusion) friends, how do you think they'll react? Jack won't be pleased, to put it mildly. Erica is more concerned with Kendall, and, of course, with Erica, and is busy hiring Tad to find out Dr. Madden's obviously hidden and nefarious connection to, you guessed it, Erica. According to SoapZone's Carol Banks Weber, Cameron "Ryan" Matheson was himself so upset with the abrupt departure of Greenlee, that he had discussions with EP Julie Hanan Carruthers, who appears to have given her blessing to some future appearances by Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig in order to resolve things more neatly. Budig, too, is amenable to guesting.

Speaking of Budig, Wubs.net reports that she had read for the part of GH's Courtney. (From all accounts, I was in error when I jumped on the bandwagon that announced the casting of PC's Erin "Alison" Hershey Presley, to which I say, "Whoopsie!") I don't understand this. Budig was rumored to have read for the rumored recasting of GH's Sarah Webber, a character they should really just tie the can to already, as they've never had much success with this one. Now Courtney? Can anyone grab Budig by the shoulders and scream, "A STEP DOWN IS RARELY A GOOD CAREER MOVE?" Anyone? Please?

Let's all gang up on Kendall! Though subbing her own egg for Greenlee's destroyed ova was one of the most selfless things the girl has ever done, she's being treated like the pariah she once was. Alicia "Kendall" Minishew gave one of her finest performances while pouring out her heart about what she did for love (and take THAT, Ryan, you selfish death-faking bastard). Wonderful job. (EMMY REEL?) Kendall's going to be busy for the next couple of weeks as most of Pine Valley dumps on her, but as Eden Riegel will be reprising her role as Saint Bianca for a few weeks, supposedly to help get Kendall through this and also celebrate the holidays with her family and baby Miranda, she'll have a reprieve of sorts. (Speaking of which, wasn't it great when Zach asked Jackson how he planned to treat Kendall's baby, loving it no matter who the father was or how the baby was conceived? Good one!)

Josh is out to expose daddy Greg's biggest secret of all, the one involving Erica. Warning: things can come back to bite you in the butt! Especially when you keep in mind how Josh The Miracle Baby saved his suicidal "mother's" life simply by being born, and was Doctor Daddy's greatest triumph. Hmm. Can anyone say foreshadowing?

So, is Amanda the Chandler Thanksgiving soup poisoner? I wouldn't put money on it, especially as Janet has been shown "talking" to Trevor about their poor widdle girl and all her troubles. It was never established exactly WHERE Janet was during this "conversation." Could've been Pine Valley. We never did see her get on a plane and leave, did we? That also leaves some room for her to have been the one who pushed Babe down the hospital stairs. Oh, that Janet, sly as ever!

Hadn't seen Erica's penthouse in a dog's age -- does she keep it for the occasional "Jack, I know your apartment pops out another bedroom whenever you have to shelter yet another one of your 'kids,' but sometimes I need my own space to brood over Dr. Madden's evil connection to me?" Or, perhaps, for the chance to get away from said kids so she and Jack can boink like little bunnies?

The Pine Valley Bulletin reports that Bobby "Sam Grey" Steggert has been let go. Nothing further is known at this point. I can't exactly say I'm surprised, as the only place Sam had to go once his mother and sister left was a relationship with Lily (or the death of Jonathan Lavery to avenge his dad). With aunts Anita and Hoolia around, you'd think he had a chance of SOME storyline, but they've been fairly dormant of late. What will Lily do for love now? Don't look at Aiden, as it appears he's going to be torn between Anita and Erin.

I'm loving that SORAS-ed Lulu Spencer, played so convincingly by newbie Julie Marie Berman. Not only does she ably hold her own with seasoned pros like Tony Geary and Jane Elliot, she often out-snarks them. Here's a problem, though: since soaps are supposed to be about "love in the afternoon," who the heck will they pair her up with? Well, if they can manage to keep him out of jail, I'd like to see her with Diego.

Ah, Diego. You pendejo, you. First you do all sorts of rotten things to avenge a cousin you never met (and also, as it turns out, to get daddy's attention), then you pull a dumb-ass stunt like robbing Kelly's and taking the Police Commissioner's daughter hostage. It will be interesting to see if things turn around for him, but only if they then pair him up with Lulu!

Carly Babes, having overheard Sonny tell Jason he's done with her (how many times have I warned Carly and her offspring about eavesdropping?), and about to divorce Alcazar, is without a man. Who could HER next partner be? Jax, perhaps?

They finally cast a Carly who is more age-appropriate for Sonny than those who came before her, and, BAM, he's sucking face with Emily (well, in her dreams, anyway). How conVENient.

Corbin "Durant" Bernsen's labor of love, the film "Carpool Guy," was shown on SoapNet Thanksgiving evening. With a cast made up nearly 100 percent by soap actors (and most of those from either GH or Y&R) -- casting by award-winning GH casting director Mark Teschner -- and a quirky script, it's the first step in Bernsen's master plan, to tap the wealth of talented actors from the world of soaps. "Carpool Guy" was made precisely for this burgeoning soap fan base, and Bernsen plans to continue to mine this base, working on other projects using this formula. SoapNet opened and closed each segment of the film with an interstitial, mostly of Bernsen talking about how it all came together, and I found them entertaining as well as informative. He mentioned at one point how they'd throw in little jokes for the soap audience, such as characters reading Soap Opera Weekly or Soap Opera Digest. (One scene had the actors discussing baby names, and the three favorites for baby boys were Tad, Bo and Jason!) And I got a kick out of seeing a nearly-grown Colton James (who got his start playing Neil Kanelos, son of Frank Scanlon and Courtney Kanelos, on PC) playing an assistant to Joel, Rick Hearst's character! The cast worked well together, and Bernsen did a great job as director. More, please!

Yes, hell HAS frozen over! On November 30, the New York Times ran a major article in its arts section, "Prepare the O.R. (and A.A.): Dr. Drake is Back," by Kate Aurthur. Well researched and written, it begins thusly: "When it comes to getting viewers' attention, soap operas have always favored the spectacular over the subtle. And that big-splash approach definitely extends to casting: on Friday's episode of 'General Hospital' on ABC, Rick Springfield will begin to reprise his role as Dr. Noah Drake -- after a 22-year absence from the show. Dr. Drake may not be the flirty heartbreaker he once was, but his return is sure to shake up the series's fictional town, Port Charles."

More quotes: "'We have audience members who remember characters who were here 20 years ago, as well as some that were here five years ago,' said Jill Farren Phelps, executive producer of 'General Hospital.' 'These are their stories, and they go into their living rooms. They feel a kindred association with the characters on the show."

Later in the article, after discussing the return of Kimberly "Robin Scorpio" McCullough, "Ms. Phelps said 'General Hospital' did not have an open-door policy for returning stars; Mr. Springfield and Ms. McCullough are exceptions. 'I don't want to be a day care center for actors who want to stay here for a little while, go out, and then come back,' she said. 'If the writers determine that a character is needed for a story they're telling, then we will look into that,' she continued. 'Because always, the fans will miss anyone who leaves.'"

Well, I'm not so sure about that last statement, Jill, but overall, this article gave me hope. I'd already gained new respect for Phelps after hearing some of her comments about the show at the General Hospital Fan Club Weekend (read Katrina's interview from that weekend!), and I liked much of what she had to say in this forum. It closed with the following: "Demi Moore, John Stamos and Ricky Martin all appeared on 'General Hospital' in the early stages of their careers. If Ms. Phelps could have her way, was there one adored character closely associated with a specific actor that she would bring back to the show? She hesitated and then said, 'In a million years, I would not touch that.'" Brava to both writer Aurthur and the honest and candid Phelps!

After my last column, where I listed the various transgressions of Jasper "Jax" Jacks, I received the following from faithful reader Marie:
"Jax did not have sex with Brenda on his and Skye's wedding night. Brenda showed up at Skye's house. She explained about Luis and the danger Jax was in. Jax gave Brenda the keys to her old cottage and told her to hide out there. He didn't sex or kiss Brenda on his wedding night. Brenda went to hide out at the cottage. Jax went back into the house and made love to his wife, Skye. About a month or so after Brenda returned, Jax found out about Skye's lies regarding Brenda's health. He told Skye their marriage was over. He then went and made love to Brenda. Just an FYI :-)"

I thank you, Marie, for correcting my sometimes-faulty memory (though I still think Jax had Brenda on the brain for the duration of his marriage to Skye)! And you're all encouraged to write in with any commentary or corrections, any time at all...I enjoy hearing from you! See you next week!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho?
A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Fri, Nov. 25th, 2005, 02:48 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

(Here's some quick commentary for this week -- I'm out of town, but will be back here with my usual column next week! Promise!)
Jack's pulled in all his favors, even called the governor, trying to keep Jonathan in jail. I figured the only thing left would be if by some miracle, little sis Kit/Christine had somehow become a high-powered PV judge. No such luck. You got Jack, Jack. Jonathan's freed and immediately becomes the object of someone's target shooting practice. Unfortunately, the shooter needs a LOT more practice. The triumphant, if not shaken, Laverys live to annoy another day.

Haven't you missed hearing Simone laugh? Whether it's her own delightful sound or her Eartha Kitt growl, it's fabulous! More, please!

Di/Dixie as a stripper? Talk about your Thanksgiving turkey! I can't wait to hear the story behind JR's videotape. Maybe she worked at Sonny Corinthos' old strip club! Woo-hoo! Bet Krystle was watching that and thinking, "Huh, I could do better than that...and have!"

Kendall to Ryan: "My first and only priority is taking care of Greenlee's happiness." How strange to hear that, not only because it came out of Kendall, but because it DIDN'T come out of Greenlee!

Speaking of Greens, after she tortured Erica with her additional, unannounced, and unwanted extra guests for Thanksgiving dinner, I was a bit taken aback that she hadn't gone and dolled herself up in Prada or D&G, very glam, so that she could look amazing while dropping the bomb that will impact so many lives. Guess she was going for the "You've all made me so damn miserable that I've been up all night, am wearing what I wore yesterday, and can't do a THING with my hair, but boy, am I gonna make you freakin' miserable NOW." Bombshell dropped, fallout next week.

After Sonny found out that Alcazar took his kids to see Carly, why weren't his first words to Letiticia, "You got some 'splaining to do?" Oh, maybe it was the bad memories of the reason he left AMC and the role of Nico some years back, for his star-making turn (NOT) as Desi Arnaz in "Lucy & Desi: Before The Laughter!" Bet they don't watch many reruns of "I Love Lucy" in the Benard household!

Restraints for Jason? "Let Sam do it." Woo-hoo! A glimpse into the private life of Jason and Sam?

Reese's passing still merits little response from Sonny. As Carly ranted about how Reese was still coming between them, his quick response ("Reese is DEAD." "WHAT?" "I don't want to talk about it."), then abrupt "end of discussion" attitude is really so unfair to the woman who saved his kids and warmed his bed. Then there was the quickest memorial on record for Reese, but at least Ric and Sonny were briefly joined by Emily and Durant. However long they keep her in the opening credits will certainly eat up more time than that pathetic "memorial." Word to the wise, kiddies: don't tick off TPTB, or this could be you.

I see Jax struggling with his dark side again, although (for now) he has yet to team up with Helena. What, Jax, a dark side? Well, when he first came on the show, he tried desperately to woo a married woman (Lois), which should have been our first clue. His ruthlessness is not confined to the boardroom. He's shown his cold, calculating and callous side to many of the women he's romanced since. Dumping Chloe to search for the elusive and still possibly dead Brenda. Boinking returned-from-the-dead Brenda the night of his wedding to Skye. Leaving Brenda at the altar after allowing her to thoroughly embarrass herself by reciting her heartfelt wedding vows. Calling Courtney all sorts of rude names after she left him for Nik (although, perhaps those were deserved, but they sure were nasty). Where do you think Jax will go with this?

Have you noticed more of Brad "Tony Jones" Maule (not to mention Wally "Ned" Kurth) ever since they went off-contract? Wonder what happened to the acting classes Maule was planning to teach in (I believe) Albuquerque, NM?

No scenes of a Quartermaine Thanksgiving? Would no one wear the Reindeer Sweater? I bet Luke would look fetching in it! I miss that family holiday almost as much as the Nurses Ball!

So, Diego WAS the roofie stalker. More on that next week. MUCH more!

Got any hot gossip to share with The Media Ho?

A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Thu, Nov. 17th, 2005, 12:26 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

It certainly was wonderful to see Kate Collins as "Janet-From-Another-Planet" Dillon, visiting daughter Amanda at the hospital, no? And funny that she had the presence of mind (for once) to show up in disguise as a nurse, albeit in a uniform that dated from at least 30 years back. I'm also loving the historical references, especially when Janet told Amanda that "the last time I was here, I was pregnant with you and had to slip out to do Trevor a little favor." Some little favor -- killing nasty Will Courtlandt (Dixie's bro), who was abusing Trevor's niece, Hayley Vaughan (later Santos)! She thought it would help her win Trevor's heart. Then: "We don't talk about the time I threw your Aunt Natalie down a well!" Oh, man, would I love to see these flashbacks! Not to mention Trevor. He's supposedly in Ireland on business, but, doting husband that he is, he's arranged for Janet to be able to tape all of Amanda's phone calls to her so that she can listen to them again and again. That even creeped out Amanda! Yes, momma Janet is certainly missing her little girl, to the extent that she sets a place for her at the table every night, turns down her bed, and hopes to see her in the morning. Obsessive? Oh, yes! And now that she thinks that Babe's responsible for Amanda's romantic woes, well...somebody better clue in Babe about Will Courtlandt's miserable fate, because Janet's come a-knockin'! (Just as Babe's assuring Krystal that she's not about to become some wacko psycho, guess who's ringing her doorbell? Timing is everything!)

Speaking of timing being everything, James "Trevor" Kiberd had reportedly left AMC due to a salary dispute. Time to revisit this? Kate Collins' return is said to be very short term, but who's to say that TPTB can't change that? Also, what about Keith Hamilton "Noah" Cobb? Let's do SOMETHING to make Julia interesting again! You're losing Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig (and, quite possibly, Julia "Brooke" Barr), so loosen those pursestrings and bring back some fan favorites. Pronto!

My colleague, the fabulous Kate Brown ("AMC Spoilers and Commentary," EOS), has already posted what I'm hoping will happen with Jonathan Lavery: that he's faking everyone out, a la Ed Norton's Aaron/Roy in "Primal Fear." Like Kate, I'm watching Jonathan closely, hoping that his speech patterns will revert to normal, and he'll never say "K.O." for O.K." again! Maybe the transformation could also reference Kevin Spacey in "The Usual Suspects," as he morphed from weirdo Verbal Kint into evil Keyser Soze! So many possibilities. By this time, Greenlee's exit has been scripted and shot, and rumors abound that she reverts to her original form (spoiled, selfish rich bitch) as she departs Pine Valley. Perhaps it's over this big secret Kendall is keeping about the paternity OR maternity of the baby she's carrying, or over the fact that she lied to Kendall about Zach's hospital visit. Or maybe...just maybe...she gets all huffy and stamps her little Jimmy Choos all over Ryan's back when she learns that Jonathan's been released from jail -- or when EvilJonathan appears and taunts her. There's only a few days left of November sweeps, considering that no original daytime programming will be shown on Thanksgiving Day (or the following day), so whatever's going to happen will happen FAST.

While we're on the subject of fast moving things, wasn't Reese's death scene quite possibly the quickest EVER on daytime television? One moment she's telling Sonny that Carly's the luckiest woman in the world, he turns to see the paramedics arrive, and, whoosh, she's dead. The mourning process didn't take much longer. Sonny moved on rather abruptly, Ric had a semi-emotional scene with Reese's body, but Emily, who didn't care much for the late FBI agent, has been the most angst-filled of all, continuing her grief with a visit to Reese's body in the morgue. Her failure to more clearly diagnose Reese's injury (collapsed lung due to broken rib; the poor thing suffocated) is making her doubt her chosen career path, although all around her keep insisting that as a mere medical student, she's not responsible. Rumor has it that she will be having sessions with Dr. Lainey Winters about her self-doubt and guilt. (Hey, anything that brings us more solidly into hospital-related stories is fine by me. The show's official name is NOT "General Mobsters," no matter what the storylines might have you think!)

Speaking of rumors, for months various speculations had run rampant about Reese, some saying that she had a connection to the Ruiz family (being from Florida and all), some saying that she'd go to the dark side and ally herself with Manny, the latest being that she'd actually set off Manny's bomb detonator, either purposefully or accidentally, with her dead hand falling on the button. Wrong, wrong, wrong. In the end, it was simply the gurney carrying Reese's dead body that ran over the transmitter and set off the last bombs that have Jason buried somewhere in the mountain. To add insult to Reese's final injury, GHFF reports that Ric sets up a memorial service for Reese and only Ric and Sonny attend. Talk about character assassination.

On the priceless front, how about that Luke, explaining to Mac, Robin and Sam how he could save Jason by blowing up the mountain? Recounting how he once did that to save Robert Scorpio's butt, "and he lived to annoy another day!" Then, teamed up with Justus, whom he felt compelled to remind of his own dark past, belting someone from behind with a baseball bat (dating back to the fire at Ward House), then later ignoring his legal oaths to carry on with a beautiful blond moll/psycho kidnapper (Faith). Even the wonderful Mary Mae Ward, Justus' grandmother, was referenced! Keep it up, writers!

With Alicia Leigh "Courtney" Willis leaving, it has been reported that Courtney "disappears" -- my money is on Helena. Then, NuCourtney, actress Erin (Alison Barrington Kovich, "PC") Hershey Presley, returns to town. Still pregnant?

Tyler "Nikolas" Christopher has, IRL, broken his arm and his role will be temporarily re-cast until he's healed. I have two theories about this. The first: he had cousin Derk "Max" Cheetwood jump up and down on it until it snapped, making him unable to attend "Super Soap Weekend." The second: Brian (Jack Ramsey, "PC") Presley, having heard of Christopher's actual and rumored co-star conquests, wanted to get the message across to "stay away from my wife." (Remember, these are only MY theories!)

Wasn't it nice to see FauxFlea (Felicia) show up at the crash site and then again at GH? And nice that Robin recognized her? Maxie, too! They even bonded a bit over Mac's tendency to overprotect his girrrrrllls. Perhaps Robin will be involved somehow in the denouement of the stalker story, which should be coming up soon.

On another, related, front, more "GH" alumni have been spotted on ABC's primetime hit, "Desperate Housewives." Linda "Rae Cummings" Dano is George's mom and Maree "Aunt Charlene" Cheatham is her good friend and real estate agent. According to the Wubqueen (Wubs.net), another, rather famous "GH" alumnus will show up on Wisteria Lane to extend the Solis family. That would be Gabrielle and Carlos. Hmmm. Which famous alumnus does Gabrielle, played by Eva Longeria (ex-faux-Brenda, "GH"),  most resemble?

By Katrina Rasbold

Rumors have been flying about that Tea Delgado might be making a return to OLTL, but there is no indication that this is true.  One return we can expect is that of Loyita Chapel (Blaize/Dallas), who will be visiting on December 19th.  Chapel is the real life wife of Robert S. Woods (Bo Buchanan) and has made a few appearances as Clint's girlfriend.  With rumors afoot of a Viki and Clint romantic reunion, what will become of Dallas?

OLTL returned to the true roots of soap opera cliffhanger yesterday by delivering a power packed final fifteen, straddling between Blair's interrogation of Todd (did he or didn't he?) and the revelation to Natalie that 1) Her husband really is alive and 2) is in grave danger in the middle of a jailbreak and 3) so is her boyfriend.  That's a lot for one little red-haired noodle to take in around the hustle and bustle of a prison riot, not to mention having it screamed at you by your archiest of archenemies.  To end the day's offerings with a gunshot was brilliant and absolutely classic.

Expect more of the gritty and unflinching from One Life as they move forward into some sticky territory as the reason why Jessica created Tess is revealed.  Gossip says that Niki Smith was not just negligent in her care of young Jessica, resulting in a molestation, but was actually an instigator who encouraged the event.  Dealing with this information coming forward will send both Jessica and Viki reeling.  Head Writer, Dena Higley, assures us that it will take them to a "dark and edgy place."  Bridging from Margaret and her baby's death to this taboo subject is only the latest example of OLTL's dedication to "real life" horror and drama rather than creating unrealistic drama that is focused more on cinematic value than true life grittiness. 

Don't count Nash down for the count in the rush for Tessica's affections in the aftermath of the re-integration. 

Did you know that Heather Tom (Kelly) won her first Daytime Emmy Award at the age of 16 for her portrayal of Victoria Newman on Y&R?  She became the most nominated person in that category with a total of 8 nominations (and two wins - 1993 & 1999) by the time she left the role in 2003.  She co-produced a revival of Neil Simon's "Biloxi Blues," also playing the role of Daisy.  The revival won 5 Dramalogue Awards and was extremely successful.  She is fluent in sign language and is also an accomplished ballet dancer.  She is extremely active in politics and in charity work, specifically with AIDS patients.  And you may have thought she was just the chick who mispronounced William DeVry's name at the 31st Annual Daytime Emmy Awards!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho?
A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Thu, Nov. 10th, 2005, 04:20 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

Right now, I'm most interested in the various ramifications that may occur due to the Amanda/JR/Babe car accident. JR thinks (well, whatever you call what he's doing with that half-ossified brain of his) that Babe took the rap for him because she wants more time with "Little A." Then there's Jamie, who remembers that Babe is an excellent driver and could not have possibly been the person behind the wheel. Unless, of course, she ran Amanda down out of sheer hatred and jealousy. Amanda's not talking, but what was she doing in that area, especially after having just threatened Babe with a chainsaw of sorts? Not to drag even more people into this, but there's also the fire at the bar to consider. How convenient that, after Babe and Amanda had their knock-down, drag-out catfight in the "under-construction" second story of the Roadside Cafe (or whatever they're calling that dive these days) and before Greenlee and Kendall decided to take their act upstairs, someone mysteriously knocked over a space heater into a pile of wood shavings, sparking the fire. Uh, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, at the Wildwind stables, and guess what? The person responsible for that fire, the owner of that M.O. (Modus Operandi) would be (drum roll)...Jonathan Lavery! And he was gone missing at that time, wasn't he? Of course that means he didn't do it. So...does that point to jealous/evil/slightly deranged/momma's girl Amanda? It may. Especially when you recall how she reacted when Babe called her all kinds of rude things related to her mental state. Plus, there's the whole exposure of Amanda's nefarious doping and marriage plans for Jamie, courtesy of Babe. 

However, if ever there was a "right place, right time" moment for Amanda, playing speed bump under JR's fancy tires could be the one. Not only will she be able to throw herself a massive pity party, but there's the potential for blackmail if she figures out JR was behind the wheel. Even Jamie's showing a bit of compassion for her. Then, of course, there's dear ol' mom, Janet-From-Another-Planet, who is certain to come running to Pine Valley and her little planeteer's side. And Janet REALLY gets off on avenging her loved ones. 

While on the topic of those who get off on avenging their loved ones, exactly how do you think Jackson is going to react when he learns that his daughter and stepdaughter (albeit carrying evil Lavery spawn) were trapped in a fire...and rescued by Ryan? Why, I bet he'll accuse Ryan of setting the fire so he could play the hero! Next: Jonathan. He's not dead, and he scared Jackson's other daughter, Lily. Ooh. Not looking good for the Lavery brothers. (Jonathan also made Erica a tad nervous when she found him in Ryan's penthouse, but that may be overlooked, especially since she dared call Ryan to let him know where Jonathan was, rather than call Jack so he could come over and beat the living crap out of him. Priorities, you know.)

Have you ever heard Elvis Presley's haunting, early version of "Mystery Train?" If not, follow these directions: go to Amazon.com, then music. Search for Elvis Presley. Go to "Complete 50s Masters," click on Disc One, Track 16 (Mystery Train) and you'll hear about 30 seconds (better still, buy and listen to the entire song). I'm setting a mood here, and will now provide you with the song lyrics so you can see what I'm leading up to.

Mystery Train
Train I ride
Sixteen coaches long
Train I ride
Sixteen coaches long
Well that long black train's got my baby and gone

Train, train
Comin' round the bend
Train, train
Comin' round, round the bend
Well it took my baby, but it never will again

Train, train
Comin' down, down the line
Train, train
Comin' down, down the line
Well it's bringing my baby, 'cos she's mine all mine,
All mine, all mine

Train, train
Comin' round the bend
Train, train
Comin' round, round the bend
Well it took my baby, but it never will again

Okay. Now, imagine a bleak music video, using the GH train wreck as background. Elvis singing "Mystery Train" as various characters are shown for the appropriate verse, having lost their baby or their "baby." This train wreck certainly did "take" and "bring" various babies. Read the lyrics again, then assign one of the following pairs (or sets) to each verse: Ric & Alexis/baby; Liz/Lucky; Sonny/Reese; Sonny and/or Alcazar/Carly; and so forth. Poignant, no?

Soap Zone's Carol Banks Weber speculates that Robin and Sam may be twins, and that's why Finola Hughes may return, to do some 'splaining. Interesting, but I'd prefer it not happen, for many reasons, and not just the "eww" factor that would mean that Jason's been in the middle of a Scorpio sandwich of sorts. Austin Powers may be turned on by the idea of doing twins, but I'm not. Also, hasn't Kelly Monaco played twins enough for one lifetime? And didja notice that on the train ride to Port Chuckles, Robin's hair tone suddenly turned lighter, more of a chocolate brown than her previous darker color (same as Kelly Monaco's)?

A couple of observations....the first one's late, but didn't you love how Elizabeth got a pearl necklace to wear on her wedding day? Not the first, probably not the last. I love tradition!

The scenes between Tracy and LuLu are sparking and I hope to see more of this. Nasty stepdaughter making life miserable for Tracy would be major payback!

There's more hospital in GH's future, what with the return of Robin, Dr. Noah Drake, and two new characters, both doctors. Oh, and here's some more info on these new doctors: one may be some competition for Justus regarding Lainie's affections, and the other may bring back memories of Dr. Yank Chung and Jade (Tia Carrere) Soong, from the days when Port Charles had an Asian Quarter. Along with more hospital, we'll be getting more diversity, both greatly appreciated.

Still waiting on the big reveal about the health status of Ric and Alexis' baby, and am sure hoping it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Robin delivered her. (Yes, her.)

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Thu, Nov. 3rd, 2005, 12:42 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

Rebecca "Greenlee" Budig's posting on her official website, RebeccaBudig.org, was very sweet, thanking all for their love and support these last six years, but noting that it is time to seek out "other challenges." Where those greener pastures may lie was not revealed. She's been doing a program on the WE network (Women's Entertainment), "Full Frontal Fashion," and even has a book out based on the show. There are no upcoming projects listed on imdb.com (a fabulous source for information about actors and movies). Hubby Bob Guiney has just completed something called "The Scorned," which would appear to be a tv movie. My guess is that they're headed to greener pastures in L.A. to pursue other television and film projects. (Nice to see Guiney doing something more than ABC daytime interstitials!) And, although there have been several different rumors about Budig joining the cast of GH, I don't believe any of them. My bet is that she'll be active in the coming pilot season, on the heels of Eva "Dr. Maria Santos Grey" LaRue, who seems to be doing well on "CSI: Miami." I'll miss her as Greenlee and hope TPTB don't attempt a recast.

While going through the piles of books at BJ's Warehouse this weekend, I came upon Finola "Anna Devane" Hughes' "Soapsuds: A Novel." It looked cute, so I threw it in my cart. I'll let you know if it's worth your money next week!

Got a few signals crossed last week, which happens rarely, but sometimes even the best sources get blindsided: the character who gets mowed down by a drunken driver is Amanda, not Greenlee, but it is JR behind the wheel. OK, so half right. Is this what brings Janet-From-Another-Planet back to Pine Valley?

More Del on the horizon? Big whoop. This actor doesn't do it for me in the same way Original Del (Winsor Harmon) did, on several levels. Granted, he hasn't had nearly the quality or quantity of material that Harmon had, but neither does he possess those golden surfer boy looks and charisma.

If GH truly wants the impending train wreck to be among its more memorable "cataclysmic events," it should take a page from ABC primetime, which did a fantastic job with a train wreck on the most recent "Grey's Anatomy." Among survivors, we had not one but two pregnancies, with a connection between them and complications as well; a missing severed leg and several "oops" moments when the correct match was screwed up; two people impaled by a steel bar, with one having to be sacrificed in order for the other to even have the slightest chance of surviving; plus several other scenarios -- and only 44 minutes to work all these stories in. (Guest Monica "Dawson's Creek" Keena, as the doomed impaled woman, moved me to tears several times, and I'd root for a nomination for a "guest star" Emmy -- she was that good.) GH, on the other hand, is going to have the luxury of playing out this train wreck for several days. If they do half as good a job as "Grey's Anatomy," I'll be impressed. Then we can throw all the jokes about GH = train wreck out the door!

One of the situations that will arise from the train wreck will be Robin's HIV+ status. Show promos have shown her yelling, "Don't touch me, I'm bleeding and I'm HIV-positive." When Alexis goes into labor, will Robin be involved in the delivery, and, if so, will this be part of the long-standing rumor that Ric and Alexis will be given bad news about their baby? Does that bad news have more to do with the fact that the baby was past due, was negatively affected by the trauma of being in a train wreck...or by the HIV status of the attending doctor?

Wasn't it amusing that Sonny (of all people) also showed up on what was supposed to be Liz and Lucky's antique honeymoon train? His reason: a need to go check on Carly at Rose Lawn. First time he's taken the train to do that! Most of the other cast members' presence on that love train is equally contrived. If Jax hitched his own antique train car to the train, why then is he hanging out where he is clearly not wanted by anyone other than Alexis? Did someone remember to save a seat for Helena?

GHH2 has heard that Kelly Monaco's rumored part on "Desperate Housewives" was squashed by the reigning DH divas themselves. Why am I not surprised?

Wubqueen Karen (wubs.net), who is the expert on all things Constance "Helena" Towers, posted this: "Side note: On 10/31, Helena was to catch the bouquet (it was in all the press kits) and as you saw, Big Alice did instead. Why? Well, Constance Towers' son had just returned from Iraq and she couldn't film that day. So...for once, happy news and no booming here!" This is indeed happy news, as Towers had mentioned at the NLG event at GHFCW that her son, a pediatric heart surgeon, was serving as a medic in Iraq, doing whatever had to be medically done. (And this guy does surgery on little tiny baby hearts!). She was naturally concerned for his safety, so I am delighted with this news from the Wubqueen! I hope he's back to stay!

The Wubqueen also speculated that the return of Rick "Dr. Noah Drake" Springfield may serve, in the end, as a way to send Jacklyn "Bobbie Spencer" Zeman off into the sunset. While that would be a lovely way to end the long-running (but now hardly ever seen) character of Bobbie, anything that rids the show of yet another beloved veteran sucks, in my book. Zeman was greeted with much affection and applause at the GHFCW, and her autograph line was as long as anyone else's. A trouper, she stayed until she was able to meet and greet all who came to see her. Both of my attempts to visit with her, in the Green Room and during the autograph session, were foiled, as she was just constantly busy talking to people, and I didn't have the heart to interrupt. Perhaps now that Luke is going to have issues with daughter LuLu, and son Lucas will be telling all that he's gay (not to mention the return of Dr. Drake), we'll be seeing more of Bobbie. That's a good thing.

Speaking of Jackie, did you know that she was once married to Murray "The K" Kaufman, a legendary New York D.J. who had dubbed himself "The Fifth Beatle" for both his friendship with, and promotion of, that band when they first came to America? This was in the mid-70s; she was his sixth wife, and (I believe) he was her first husband. Murray the K passed away in 1982 and was posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He used to refer to his young sweetie as "Jackie the Z" on his radio show!

Did you notice the updated GH show intro? They removed Jennifer Bransford and added Kirsten "Maxie" Storms and Matt "Jesse" Marraccini. Dylan "Michael" Cash can be glimpsed right after Jackie Zeman. They also removed some long-gone characters like Steven Webber and Rachel Adair. This is a job that the production people are said to loathe, but they'll be busy again, as I would imagine the latest Carly, Laura Wright, will be added for either Nov. 4 (official debut) or Nov. 7, the following Monday. Then, later in the month, they'll have to juggle things again by removing Reese. Grrrr.

Had a chat the other day with Paolo Presta, Oprah's discovery, who played Doug Mancino, owner of The Pizza Shack, on GH this summer. I asked what was going on with his role, and he said his agent called Mark Teschner (GH casting director) to see what's happening. It's on hold due to the cold weather in Port Charles, but might be back in the early spring. I asked him to keep me posted, and he promised to do just that! On another front, Paolo had an audition for an independent movie and won the role of Chad in "Dear John," which will start shooting after the holidays, partly in Greece and also in L.A. Naturally, Paolo's very excited. "This will be my first movie with a great role!" His enthusiasm is infectious, and I hope all of you will join me in supporting Paolo as his career takes off. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Fri, Oct. 28th, 2005, 04:47 pm

I'm writing this for all of you who do not yet have SoapNet. Some of us were royally screwed by ABC News today, as they felt the need to break into the daytime schedule to inform us of the resignation of the vice president's chief of staff. Riddle me this: what was the vital nature of this piece of news? It's enough that local affiliates feel the need to break in when there's a rainstorm in the area, which is annoying in itself, but what purpose does that exactly serve? The people directly affected -- those who commute -- are most likely NOT watching television at that particular time. I have absolutely no problem when programming is interrupted for important events, but please. It's no secret that a lot of newsmakers time their announcements to Friday afternoon, as they know that newspaper coverage on Saturday will be weak at best, and that's also the weakest day for readership (both facts confirmed by friends in the newspaper business). It's also no secret that Fridays are often the key days for daytime dramas. 

A story that's been building for some time, the wedding of Lucky and Liz, began today.  Unfortunately, the last segment was cancelled out (in some areas) by a few vague remarks from President Bush about the resignation of his vice president's chief of staff (for reasons that I will not go into). Why this did not rate the scroll across the bottom of the screen that's lately been reserved for non-life-altering news is a mystery to me. Fortunately, I happen to subscribe to a digital cable service that carries SoapNet, which will run today's episode in its entirety. Do you?

As I live in one of the ABC network's largest markets, I once e-mailed its ombudsman to simply inquire if they could post updates of any interruptions in programming, or rebroadcast of episodes (as they sometimes do, but at 3am, and how would you know?) on its website. Not a difficult task, right? Well, they never responded. 

Granted, today's wedding was not an event that would rank among the show's biggest, but I'm sure there are a few fan bases that would disagree. And it's not the first time that a cliffhanger Friday show (or any other, for that matter) has been interrupted, with fans left disappointed. But it's about time that the network recognized that there are a lot of people out there who actually enjoy their daytime programming, and they deserve answers and (god forbid) options when other factors interfere, (I wonder how many ad dollars were thrown away today by the several break-ins on my local -- but major -- affiliate?)

The only time that I remember the network responding to the anguished howls of fans (and they really must have been LOUD) was more than 15 years ago, when Port Charles' Mr. Big was about to be revealed, after months of storyline building to this climax. The chair in which Mr. Big was sitting was literally turning around to face the audience, and all of a sudden, BOOM! A ridiculous break-in. Well, on the following Monday, a special announcement was made prior to the airing of that day's show, stating that the last couple of minutes of Friday's show would be "repeated." We got to see Burt Ramsey revealed as Mr. Big. And, trust me, if you were watching at that time, it WAS big. And this was before the Internet. Fans' fury was harder to track. I encourage all of you who missed a key part of today's programming to protest, either via e-mail or snail mail. If the network doesn't hear complaints, how can we expect it to respond?

Thu, Oct. 27th, 2005, 12:24 pm


Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

Well, Ryan’s back and no one’s happy. Especially Greenlee. It would be interesting to imagine how this whole thing would have played out if Rebecca “Greenlee” Budig were not leaving the show -- and sooner rather than later. She is likely taping her last scenes as you read this, as her contract expires in October, so we’ll be seeing her into November Sweeps. Here’s what I’m thinking. I’ve heard nothing about the possibility of Kendall losing the Greenlee/Ryan bundle of joy. Now that Greenlee and Kendall are best buds, there is no possible way that Greenlee would desert her and the baby (even though Ryan, no longer Saint Ryan, but Scum-of-the-Earth Ryan, is the daddy). Not voluntarily, that is. Which, in my book, leaves only one possible scenario: Greenlee dies. No move to Paris, even though she probably still owns that apartment she bought when she and Leo were supposed to relocate, before his tragic death. No move to California to help Mia (remember her?) run Fusion’s West Coast operation. Nope. She’s a goner. But how? I think we can rule out any tragic illness, as she’s been to the doctor a lot lately, and had all kinds of tests run. I don’t think there’s going to be any sudden outbreak of Avian Flu in the Valley. That leaves death by accident or murder. I fervently hope this does not bring another long-running murder “whodunit” to the show; I think the whole Michael Cambias debacle put the kibosh on that, at least for now. Jonathan would be a likely suspect, given his history, but considering that he’s a babbling mess right now, unable to function at more than the basest level, that won’t work, not in this time frame. The Dragon’s dead, so he won’t be murdering anybody. No lethal cocktail courtesy of Dr. David, as he loves Greenlee. For a girl who was once so bitchy and unpopular, Greenlee has few enemies these days, and none that would deliberately kill her. (Yes, Erica may want to kill her at times, but that’s not going to happen. Jack would definitely divorce her!) Really, one of her worst enemies was Kendall, and now that’s changed. Mother Mary might be tempted to kill her in order to get her hands on the rest of her money, but that’s not going to happen, especially since the wonderful Anna “Mary Smythe” Stuart’s been off the canvas for months. Who does that leave? Does Janet-From-Another-Planet kill Greenlee so that Amanda can take her place at Fusion? (Remember, she killed Will Cortlandt because she thought it would please Trevor, as Will was abusing Trevor’s niece, Hayley!) No, again, not even TPTB would try to pull that one off. Ruling out deliberate murder leaves accidental death. Here’s another thought: since Greens has banned Kendall from as much as wearing high heels for the next nine months, in the interest of safety, I don’t think she herself will be doing any high wire acts, racing motorcycles, testing dangerously tainted cosmetic samples, or dropping her hairdryer in the bathtub. Therefore, Greenlee will depart Pine Valley as tragically as her beloved Leo, and it will probably be the result of someone else’s actions, but an accident nonetheless. I have heard several scenarios, but the one that pops up most often is that a drunken JR, still messed up by Di's big reveal, is the one responsible. This will open the door for much angst in the Valley, from friends and family who love her, to the tortured person who caused the accident. And, if my sources are correct (they usually are) and it is JR who accidentally kills Greenlee, can you imagine the repercussions? Not even Adam's magic checkbook will be able to solve this problem. The fallout will be tremendous. Maybe we’ll even get to see some fierce Reggie scenes, as he rails against whomever was at fault. Jack will definitely go ballistic. Ryan...well, perhaps Ryan will start visiting the Fight Club again. We can always hope.

The Pine Valley Bulletin reports that the character of Del Henry, Di’s brother, will remain past his initial 13-week contract won on “I Wanna Be A Soap Star.” Del slunk away from the Chandler mansion after Di’s big reveal; is he staying on to wrap up her storyline? Staying on to bring back the real Dixie? Staying on as a convenient, disposable scapegoat responsible for Greenlee’s demise? It’s anybody’s guess!

As I’ve been sick of Laverys for months, I haven’t had too much to say about them, but something struck me as rather unusual (which, for this family, is saying a lot). Baristas (the folks that make those amazingly intricate and expensive coffee drinks at those premium coffee cafes), even assistant manager baristas who take a lot of time off to tend to their psycho brother(s), must make a hell of a lot of money in tips. How else could Erin Lavery afford such a lovely cottage without a paying roommate or two? Is the cost of living that low in Nova Scotia? If so, I’m outta here!

When Erica and Greenlee were fighting over Ryan’s right to know about the baby Kendall’s carrying, Erica kept saying how manipulative Greenlee is, how she lies to everyone who loves her. Was she channeling Mona, who said all that (and more) to Erica, her rebellious, willful, daughter, practically from Day One of AMC, up until the time she died? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

(This week's OLTL commentary comes to you from special guest Katrina Rasbold, EOS webmaster, columnist, OLTL maven, and pal o' mine! Enjoy!)
OLTL viewers got a bit of a shock when Clint showed up at the (just been gambled away) Buchanan Lodges as a blonde.  For many One Life fans, the idea that Clint would not be front and center with all that is going on with daughter(s) Tessica was fairly ludicrous.  If not Clint Ritchie (who originated the role), the a recast could possibly work.  The photos of Jerry VerDorn did look slightly Clintish, but the light hair... whew! 
Viewers have been wondering for months now what prompted Jessica to split into Tess all those years ago.  Although it was clearly identified during the Dr. Susannah Hanen days that DID is not hereditary, the premise (shaky as it is) is that Jessica did this all on her own for her own environmental reasons, possibly something that came up during one of Viki's Niki Smith (or another alter)'s periods of time.  Since Viki was integrated and supposedly acquired all of the memories of her alters, it's unusual that she did not get this memory as well.  Don't expect the story to wrap up in sweeps.  Word is Jessica won't actually lose this baby and the DID story is supposed to continue through the pregnancy ,last I heard.
Spencer inflicts his reign of terror on... the viewing audience!  In a continued masking of WHATEVER the big secret is between Spencer, David and Paige, Spencer ends up blackmailing David into standing Dorian up at the altar.  He figures the humiliation of Dorian as a jilted wife is the beginning of his payback for the blackmail she wagged in his direction.  Missing the completion of this long awaited wedding is punishment for the fans and we didn't even wrong this guy!
OLTL waded into the normally taboo subject of infanticide just as it has previously tackled the (then) verboten topic of homosexuality (the Andrew Carpenter/Billy Douglas story).  Never one to skirt around issues that might make people uncomfortable, such as the recent revelation of Daniel Coulson as a gay serial killer, the show is treating the story in a very matter of fact fashion, showing reactions of different people to the news that the body of a woman, along with that of her newborn baby, were found drowned in Llantano Lake.  Although we, the viewers, saw Todd lead the very pregnant and exceptionally homicidal and crazy Margaret into a rowboat on Llantano Lake, there is no definitive revelation as to whether or not Todd actually perpetrated the murder, although he will continue to adamantly deny his culpability, even to Blair under close scrutiny.  As Llanview's "usual suspect," Todd is hardly in the category of "redeemed," but my vote is that if it was revealed that Todd actually, physically killed Margaret and her baby, there will be no coming back.  For that reason, my guess is that it will be revealed that he did not follow through with his definitive plans for his nutty stalker.  On the other hand, how else would he know for certain that Margaret would not be bothering them again?  Regarding the bold steps OLTL takes in its story telling, Executive Producer, Frank Valentini said in a recent Soap Opera Digest, in the context of the Daniel Coulson outcry by GLAAD,  "Life is messy and complicated."   So true. 

This whole return of Robin Scorpio, in my opinion, is a good thing only in that it dredges up a lot of GH history. The scenes that they’ve been showing between Jason and Robin, particularly when she betrayed him, have really piqued my interest. Doesn’t he look about 18 years old in those scenes? Guess what: though it may have seemed longer, Robin left for Paris in 1998. Boy, has Steve Burton matured in eight years! What a transformation from boy to man!

I also laughed when Dr. Tony Jones phoned Robin. Jason has sensed that there’s some underlying animosity between the two of them, but Robin, I’m sure, remembers every single detail. After all, it was Dr. Jones who kidnapped baby Michael (after finding out that Carly had been scamming him and he wasn’t really the father), along with Robin, keeping them prisoner in a remote cabin. Without extra supplies of Robin’s prescribed cocktail of drugs to fight her HIV, nearly killing her. When Jason found and rescued them, he smashed Tony’s hand with the butt of a rifle, if memory serves, thereby destroying Dr. Jones’ surgical career. Lucky for Tony that Jason doesn’t remember this. Also lucky that Robin appears to be the consummate medical professional, or else she’d have slammed the phone down once she realized who was on the other end of the line. Will Sam get the chance to recite this bit of Port Charles history, too?

As I write this next part, I should really be listening to the Everly Brothers’ “Dream, Dream, Dream.”  Why? Read on!

The “Ask Ausiello” column on TV Guide Online reveals that a member of the “Las Vegas” cast will get whacked on Nov. 28. No clue other than that Dean Cain, who plays the ex of casino whale watcher Sam (played by Vanessa “Brenda Barrett” Marcil), will guest on that episode and the next. Hmm...it certainly looks to me like Sam’s the victim. Could this possibly be a connection to the rumor about Brenda Barrett returning to GH? Well, let’s think. Robin needs someone to hang with when she returns to the Chuckles, and who’s left besides Uncle Mac? Sonny’s going to be footloose and fancy free, as it’s been reported everywhere that Reese will not survive the cataclysmic event that is the train wreck a-comin’. NuNuNuCarly will probably be torn between Sonny and Lorenzo. What better time to bring back Brenda (and not a recast; Eva Longoria’s busy these days) -- and the bait’s never been better!

GHH2 reports that Kristina (daughter of Alexis and Sonny) is the next character to be SORASED. No more Curly Boo Twins? I know that EOS’ Dianna will be heartbroken, as she had a grand time playing with them at the GH Fan Club Weekend! Other than that, though, maybe there’s an upside: could it mean a more permanent return for Helena? Stay with me, here! Hints are being dropped that Hells will be obsessed with the child of Nik and Courtney, as it’s the next Cassadine heir and has Mikkos’ blood running through its widdle veins. Well, Kristina and the about-to-be-born child of Alexis and Ric ALSO have Mikkos’ blood! Helena could become the Pied Piper of Port
Charles, stealing all descendants of Mikkos and bending them to her considerable will. I can dream, can’t I?

Now I’m going to leave you with something that is a total and complete fantasy on my part. (No, it does not involve Scott Clifton!) Has anyone noticed the resemblance between Laura “NuNuNuCarly” Wright (left) and Alicia Leigh “Courtney” Willis? They could be sisters! Look at those faces -- even the bone structure is similar! Okay, here comes the fantasy. Willis leaves for greener pastures, as widely reported, Wright is recast as Courtney, leaving the door open for Jennifer Bransford to return as NuNuCarly. Anything can happen in soaps!

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Thu, Oct. 20th, 2005, 12:00 pm

Media Ho (noun): A person who retains far too much information about people/places/things having to do with the media world, including (but not limited to) television, movies, music, pop culture, and the movers/shakers/performers in those worlds. Constantly frustrated by friends’ refusal to play any one of the versions of Trivial Pursuit with her. Result: this column, which will deal mostly with the rumors currently out there about ABC Daytime programs and players, delving deeply into them and offering further insight/commentary, drawing on that retained information as well as other sources.

DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder) -- Viki/Niki, OLTL (though it was originally termed “split personality.” She/they get the gold star, as Niki first appeared back in the ‘60s, then has resurfaced with DID -- after theoretically having been reintegrated each time -- about once every decade.  This last time, she brought a total of about six-seven personalities on board with her.); Alexis, GH & Jessica/Tess, OLTL

Cinderella wedding -- Julia/Noah, AMC & Megan and Jake, OLTL, Liz/Lucky, GH (okay, it’s yet to happen, but she did reveal it as her fantasy wedding). Parent company of ABC = Disney. Coincidence? I think not!

“Bad gene pool” -- Ryan Lavery, AMC & Todd Manning, OLTL & Nikolas Cassadine, GH
Surrogate Pregnancies -- Greenlee/Kendall, AMC & Jax/Elizabeth, GH

Appearance at own memorial service -- Carly, GH; Edmund, AMC & Ryan, AMC and didn't Asa on OLTL actually show up at one of his many funerals? The one with all 40 of his ex-wives?

Appearances on all then-current ABC daytime dramas -- Linda “Rae Cummings”Dano and Robin “Skye Chandler Cudahy Kinder Davidson Quartermaine Jacks” Christopher

Evil twins -- Kevin/Ryan Chamberlain, GH; Nik/Connor, GH; Tad Martin/Ted Orsini, AMC; Viki Buchanan/Niki Smith, OLTL. Special mention to AMC for Natalie/Janet (though they were not twins, Janet did pass herself off as Natalie for a time and, as a result, conceived Amanda) and Adam/Stuart Chandler (even though Stuart is not evil). Extra special mention to Kelly Monaco, who played PC’s twins Livvie/Tess (Livvie was not only evil, she became a vampire, while Tess was a true innocent ripped from the script of the movie “Nell,” starring Jodie Foster) and then GH’s Sam/Ali. Sam and Ali were not sisters, but Allegra, evil mother of Ali (and, IRL, wife to presumed-evil GH head writer Robert Guza), didn’t let that stand in the way of her nefarious plans).

Then, there’s another “crossover” between ABC soaps, specifically, the anti-hero. AMC is weak in this department, as the main character that started out as evil then turned heroic was really Trevor Dillon, ex-mercenary turned lawyer, father, and lovable Uncle Porkchop. You may argue (and you will) that some AMC characters were not-so-nice at first (Opal #2, as played by Jill Larson, and her plots against Tad and Dixie; Nico, bad boy played by Maurice Benard, yes, THE Maurice Benard, who eventually let love rule until he callously left his wife, Cecily, who renamed him “Sneako”; Trask Bodine, who started out harassing Dixie’s little sister, Lainie, then fell in love with her; and, of course, Ryan Lavery, who started out as a grifter, then became St. Ryan of the Valley.) And there are more, but I maintain that ABC soaps, specifically GH and OLTL, have featured two characters who have similarly started out as rapists (though one back story was shamelessly backpedaled into a “seduction” years later), GH’s Luke Spencer and OLTL’s Todd Manning.

Luke came back to Port Charles as an adult, having spent his younger years pimping out his sister, Barbara Jean, now a nursing student no longer turning tricks. After many dances on the wrong side of the law, he turned businessman, running the Campus Disco as a favor to the mob, which needed to launder money. During his tenure there, he raped young, beautiful waitress Laura Webber on the dance floor as Herb Alpert’s “Rise” played in the background. Naturally, they fell in love, and ran away from their obligations and the mob together. I’m not going to go into the entire saga of Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, as there’s not enough bandwidth available to me (and most of you remember it, anyway), but he IS the resident anti-hero of Port Charles, much loved, even though he is usually a drunken wreck of a man who rails against the family who loves him, gets involved in the shadiest of money-making schemes, and hasn’t met a law he hasn’t broken. But let him call Tracy Quartermaine “Spanky Buns,” and all is forgiven. (Note: Sonny Corinthos started out as a mobster and remains one to this day. He doesn’t count in this comparison. Perhaps one day this column will compare and contrast Sonny with Carlo Hessler and Vanessa Cortlandt (AMC is kinda weak in the standout mobster area, unless you count The Dragon -- and I don’t), so Sonny will be dealt with and analyzed then. Right now, it’s Luke and Todd.)

Over in Llanview (OLTL), we first met Todd when he absolutely and mercilessly raped  Marty Saybrooke and brought a few of his frat friends along to help.  Todd never enjoyed the redemption that Luke was afforded, at least for a while.  Never was asked to be mayor and never got loving, happy inlaws.  He's still seen as the skeevy guy about town and is "the usual suspect" in Llanview.  They don't bother with "usual suspects" in the plural because they usually start out believing Todd did it and have to be proven otherwise.  We did, however, get a back story, once Roger Howarth (original Todd) started to catch on with fans, that told us that Todd's biological father was a child molester (Victor Lord, Viki's father) and his adopted father, Peter Manning, had raped him repeatedly.  Although that generated a collective "awwww" from the audience, Todd, now played by Trevor St. John, has remained a rapist who gave his own baby away into the black market (he thought it was his wife's baby with someone else) and an all around bad guy.  He's had some really shining moments, but he's never really achieved any kind of redemption.

In a bit of foreshadowing, or just careful planning, check out how TPTB handled the ads that are running for the Fusion fragrance (available at Wal-Mart). We see Kendall...Simone...Dani...and AMANDA? Where’s Greenlee? When was Amanda hired at Fusion? Could this have anything to do with Rebecca “Greenlee” Budig not signing her AMC contract? Does Amanda get a job because she’s a pretty young thing with long, glossy hair who will fool those folks with Vaseline-covered glasses into thinking Greenlee’s still on the job?

Ah, now we can read the online blog of GH’s Robin Scorpio (remember when we could purchase “Robin’s Diary,” “written” during the whole Stone Cates storyline?). One of "her" first entries intrigued me, as it mentioned getting a birthday message from Brenda, who had just relocated to Italy and had dinner plans her very first night in that country (boo-hoo, thinks Robin, poor pitiful me). GHFF recently posted a hint of a rumor of a possible Brenda recast...could this blog entry be TPTB’s way to ease us into this? I certainly hope not. There are a few roles in this world that could not EVER be effectively recast, and they include Erica Kane, Victoria Buchanan, Asa Buchanan, Tracy Quartermaine, Luke Spencer, Sonny Corinthos, and Brenda Barrett. Nor could they recast the fabulous Lucy Coe, which leads me to...

Lynn “Lucy Coe” Herring, who moved that character from GH’s Port Charles to “Port Charles’” Port Charles, disappeared when the latter show was cancelled in October 2003. She was reportedly enjoying life on the farm with hubby Wayne Northrop (DOOL, PC) and their two growing sons. About a year ago, she signed with talent manager Michael Bruno, and her return to soaps was wildly heralded in the press. A quick perusal of Bruno’s website, on which he posts the actors he manages, finds Lynn listed under the “Former Soap Star” category. My question: WHY? WHY has she not been added to the GH roster? WHERE is she? BRING HER BACK (and, while you’re at it, the Nurses Ball!)!!!!!

The last time I saw a train in Port Charles, Robert, Sean, Tiffany, Frisco and the gang were having a “gay ‘90s” excursion as a coverup for transporting some ill-gotten treasure, and Holly was kidnapped (ending up in Colorado and renamed Fallon Carrington Colby). Of course, there was Rafe and Alison and their mystery train on PC, but since that side of Port Charles no longer seems to exist (since October 2003), the question remains: where the hell is the Port Charles depot? And why would any of the people purported to be onboard -- Lorenzo, Lucky, Alexis, Sonny, and crazy ol’ Carly -- be ON this said train? Don’t they usually travel by private jet?

GHH2 reports the rumor that “Lucky’s family comes together when he is seriously injured in the train wreck. More money problems.”

Police officers, in general, have very good (if not excellent) media coverage, due to the job that they do and the strong and effective unions they pay dues to. Why the money problems? I still have trouble with the fact that when Helena shot him, he ran up all those hospital bills that led Elizabeth to the surrogacy solution. Even if he was technically off-duty when shot by Helena, he was protecting one of PC’s citizens and therefore shot in the line of duty. This is totally ridiculous, and proves that the GH writers have been sucked even further into their vacuum.

I wrote this before the resurrection of EOS’ “Doing Lines” column; please forgive me! I was ROTFLMAO when Alexis assured Ric that “Yours is bigger.” Guess the only other person with that same special perspective is Reese, but Sonny surely won’t forgive her that ONS with his brother even if she lies (again) and repeats what Alexis said.

Got any hot ABC Daytime gossip you’d like to share with The Media Ho? A difference of opinion, perhaps? Send it in!

Thu, Oct. 6th, 2005, 03:21 pm

Di/Dixie is trying to convince Julia to stop trying to escape from Garret’s apartment. He’s ten steps ahead of you! The only way out is to convince him we’re not a threat. “Talk fast,” says Julia. What’s your plan? Simple, really. He wants to seduce us. He wants to be our master, our lord. When he thinks he’s beaten us, that's when we’ll beat him. (I’m starting to get a mental picture of this, and it’s a bit X-rated and sleazy. Uh, eww!)

Di/Dixie tells Julia her story about meeting Garret as a 17-year-old runaway at New York City’s Port Authority Bus Terminal. Lucky I met a prince instead of a pimp! Garret taught me how to appreciate the finer things in life. Theater, opera, ballet. Too bad it only lasted three years. Wait a minute, says Julia. You came to Pine Valley when you were 18 (and how she knows that is a mystery to me!). Yes, admits Di/Dixie, Dixie Cooney did go to the Valley at 18. You see, that’s actually not me. AHA! You’re working with Garret! Trying to brainwash me! Julia then tries to strangle Di/Dixie/whomever, but she breaks free and swears she’s on Julia’s side! Di/Dixie explains how she came to steal Dixie’s life and how Garret had nothing to do with it. “Work with me, Julia. We have to play his game.” The apartment door opens. Heeeere’s Garret! “I’m a reasonable man. But whether you live or die is entirely up to you.” “Julia doesn’t want to die,” says Di/Dixie, “I swear you can trust him.” Garret thinks Julia needs a fresh perspective, which he’s willing to provide. Under his protection, natch. After all, he’s known where DI is all along -- so he can be trusted. “I don’t want to lose either of you.” It’s up to you, Julia! Your life...or revenge. Oh, and by the way, Noah died because of you! So there! I’m offering you a fresh start. She takes his hand and swears her loyalty. He doesn’t believe her, so he decides to give her more time.

Erica thinks she knows what’s up with Kendall and Greenlee. “I sensed there was something different when I surprised you and Greenlee the other night. It was like I’d walked in on something. Exactly how close are you and Greenlee?” “As close as it gets. I love Greenlee and she loves me.” Oh, geez, now Erica’s thinking that Bianca is not the only child of hers singing Sapphic songs of love!

“Josh, I need you to help me find out if my daughter is gay.” Uh, Erica, I thought the world knew about Bianca! No, silly, my other daughter! Yes, the married one. You see, I’ve been getting these strange vibes. “Kendall? Gay? I never got anything close to that!” says Josh. Good thing, too, as Kendall, the PV Welcome Wagon for hot young guys, is taboo for him for reasons we have yet to be told! “The other night, they were talking about rubbing each other’s feet! And those looks they exchange, like they’re members of some secret club!” And, oh yes, Kendall told me that they love each other! “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” quips Josh, who is not taking this quite as seriously as Ms. Kane! And Ms. Kane does not approve of Greenlee as a mate for Kendall. Too selfish. Too needy. Too...girly. “I didn’t know my job included scoping out your daughter’s sexuality!” Oh, Josh, just spend some time with her. “Project your maleness. Make a pass.” What if she’s leaning the other way, towards Greenlee? I’ll just have to deal with that, I guess. And Erica deals so well with family problems! Speaking of which, here’s Greenlee! “Stay out of our lives, Erica.” This just raises Erica’s gaydar. “A mother knows, Greenlee!” Bianca is mentioned, but Greenlee thinks Erica’s talking about babies. Erica thinks Greenlee is speaking of her lust for Kendall. Holy confusion! Every word now has a double meaning!

Like a dutiful son (!), Josh goes and puts the moves on Kendall. Awkwardly. Finally, he blurts out that Erica thinks she and Greenlee are lovers. “What in the name of Rosie O’Donnell is going on here?” yells Kendall. Then she breaks into hysterical laughter and decides to have some fun with Erica. She leave, and Dr. Madden emerges from the shadows. “You can not date Kendall Hart,” punctuating his words with some pokes to the chest. “One good reason!” yells Josh. Why is his dad so dead-set against a potential romance with Kendall? What consequences could there possibly be? “You’re so obstinate!” spits out Dr. Madden. “You know, I must have gotten that from you, Dad, ‘cause it’s certainly not from Mom. And you know I’m not going to let this drop, so let’s see if I can handle complicated and the truth at the same time. Why don’t you just spill it before you tank our relationship for good?” The doctor tells him that Kendall’s the one woman in the world he can’t go after. Why, because you’ve got the hots for Erica? Work with me, you rebel son of mine! “You used to call me your miracle baby. What’s the miracle?” Yes, Josh, that’s the question we all have been pondering!

As Erica rants on, Greenlee realizes they’re not on the same track. Kendall walks in and plants a passionate kiss on Greenlee’s startled lips. “She thinks we’re gay,” hisses Kendall. Let the fun begin! Before it goes too far, the girls lose it to a fit of the giggles. “Okay, I may have misinterpreted your secret, but it still exists. What is it?” asks La Kane. Kendall wants to spill. “We’re not going to tell you, Erica. You may be family, but you don’t get to know everything about us,” says Greenlee. “Well, I know you’ve not adopted an alternative lifestyle. There is still a piece of the puzzle missing and it’s time to complete it,” replies Erica. Kendall folds. We took the same drugs, Mom. The drugs that will enable me to carry Ryan’s baby. “You? Ryan’s baby?” Yep, and Dr. Madden helped! Greenlee then explains how Kendall is her only hope, the only way she’ll be able to hold a piece of Ryan in her arms again. “You’re both adults,” admits a subdued Erica. Do you know if you’re pregnant yet? No. The girls ask Erica why she’s so quiet. This is a lot to take in! Greenlee’s eggs, Ryan’s donation and your body. A lot to take in! And don’t forget the tricky parts! “As wonderful as it is to bring a new life into this world, there are complications!” She tells them nothing they haven’t heard before, almost as if she were coached by Zach. However, Erica’s got the personal angle down, having carried, then given up, Kendall. Kendall reminds Erica that she was able to give her up. Different circumstances! I was raped. I was 14. Okay, I get that, says Kendall, but my reasons are good ones. Erica promises to keep out of “this new adventure.” Oh, right! They leave, and Erica summons a mystery person to her office. Surprise -- it’s Dr. Madden! She’s about to tear him a new one for his role in the Greenlee/Ryan/Kendall pregnancy!

JR finds Babe snooping around the mansion. A bit early for your visitation with Little A! Yeah, well, I’m looking for my momma. They find her. In Big A’s bed! After they all get through their fits of revulsion, Babe tells Krystal that David shared Di/Dixie’s secret with here. Seems that before Dixie died, in Switzerland, she told David about her half sister, Di, who has just enough DNA to pass herself off as a Cooney. Krystal calls Tad, gets his voice mail, and leaves a message.

It’s hard to get a cell phone call in a bank vault, where Alfie Vanderpool has locked up Tad and Zach. During their time in the vault, Zach deduces that Di/Dixie’s protecting her real true love -- the man who murdered Noah and is after Julia! Once Alfie releases them, Tad runs to the Chandler mansion, looking for Di/Dixie. She isn’t there. Turns out she may be in trouble. Turns out she may know Noah’s killer. And it turns out that the letter she hid somewhere will tell us the name we need to know. Adam’s having all his staff turn the mansion upside down looking for that darn letter. Turns out one of the maids has it! It’s addressed to Tad. “Don’t keep us in suspense,” demands Adam, “open the damn thing!” It’s not the right letter, just a prelude to it. “She’s gone to meet this man and she doesn’t expect to come home alive,” says Tad. JR’s pissed, and blaming Tad. “If anything happens to my mother, so help me. I just got her back.” Adam actually sounds like the voice of reason, but wonders why she came back simply to run off and get herself killed. Babe and Krystal confer. Should they spill what they know? No, not quite yet.

Why is Janet From Another Planet writing to Jamie? And why does she think Jamie’s about to become her son-in-law? Could this mean the return of Robin Mattson?

Rebecca (Greenlee) Budig to GH as a recast Sarah Webber? Bad idea, on several fronts. I’ll share all my thoughts with you on this next week. Why not now? Read to the end, my friend!

Carly spies Emily in the park and picks up a handy scythe. How Grim Reaper of her! The problem is, she sees Faith, not Emily, and she’s out to protect her family from the evil Ms. Roscoe! They struggle. Emily falls, onto the dropped scythe. Ouch. Carly realizes what she’s done and tries to pull the scythe out of Emily. Suddenly, Nik is there and Carly runs off, smack dab into Sonny! “Carly, what have you done? Where’s Emily?” “I didn’t mean to,” whimpers Carly.

Nik calls an ambulance as Sonny tells him Carly didn’t know what she was doing. Loyal to a fault, that Sonny! Nik begs Emily to stay with him as the sirens get closer and Carly and Sonny run off. The cops and ambulance show up, and Nik implicates Carly.

Sonny escorts Carly back to Greystone and, again, questions her. “I thought it was Faith! I didn’t stab her! She fell! You have to believe me!” He says he does. It’s a shame she’s sorta telling the truth for once!

Emily’s wheeled into GH and Monica takes over. Durant overhears Nik ranting about Carly and how she needs to be arrested. Not a bad idea, thinks the D.A., who will definitely never win “Father of the Year” awards.

Carly has a semi-rational conversation with Sonny and comes to a horrifying conclusion. “Oh my god. You’re going to send me to Shadybrook.” “After what you did to Emily, my hands may be tied.” I’ll just go away, like you do! Yeah, that’s the ticket! “You’re scared. I’m scared, too,” says Sonny. “The doctors can make you feel better and then you can come home.” “Please. Just save me,” she begs, “one more time.” She offers to disappear as long as he promises to tell the boys she loves them. He can protect them from Faith! “I helped you, remember?” As if she’d ever let him forget! Justus and Lainie (Dr. Winters) show up. Lainie tends to Carly as Justus warns Sonny that Carly could be found criminally insane and sent to Ferncliff. “We’ve gotta get her out of here!”

Monica tells Nik and Lucky that Emily’s remarkably well -- it was a clean wound that didn’t touch any major organs. She also tells Nik that if she’d known how crazy Carly was, she never would have let Emily stay at Sonny’s. Nik is livid when Em won’t press charges; more so when Sonny comes by for a visit. “You almost died because of me,” laments Sonny. Emily confirms Carly’s story. Sonny’s feeling the most awful guilt. He should have had Carly committed after Elizabeth’s accident. “Carly’s my responsibility. I am very sorry for what happened to you.” Emily tells him to forgive himself. “You made a mistake out of love.” He tells her about the place Dr. Winters had recommended, and she encourages him to take Carly there so she can get well and return home.

Sonny returns home and tells Carly he cannot allow her to hurt herself or others. Before the damage gets worse, he has to do something, and a safe house isn’t gonna fly. “Remember how you rescued me? Now you have to rescue yourself.” Lucky shows up and tells them that Emily said she fell on the scythe and isn’t pressing any charges. “But I am,” announces an uninvited Durant. “Arrest Carly for the attempted murder of Emily Cassadine.” “No,” says Sonny. “Emily is covering for Carly,” says Durant. Lucky refuses to do Durant’s dirty work. “I can help you, Carly,” says Durant,”give me your hand.” She runs away and Sonny follows. “No one’s gonna hurt you, Carly. Even if you have to go away for a little while.” Durant attempts to call Mac, but Reese breaks the connection. They spar. Durant wonders aloud how one man can destroy otherwise intelligent women, women like Carly and Reese.

“I know you better than you know yourself,” Sonny tells Carly, “you teach me so much. And I’m never gonna give up.” “It’s too late,” she says, “everything’s wrecked.” “No it’s not,” says Sonny. “You will get through this, for yourself and our sons.” “They love you, Sonny. Take care of them.” “You can survive, you just gotta stand up. If you don’t wanna do it for me or for yourself, you gotta do it for our sons!” She stands. “Hold on to me, okay?” Sonny holds her close. They then walk inside as Reese is telling Durant that Carly needs him to give her all the fatherly love he can muster. All the patience. The kindness. The understanding. She must have gotten through, because Durant tells Carly, “I love you with all my heart. All I want is for you to listen to me.” He tells her how finding her was the best thing that ever happened to him. All he knew before was his career. Now he wants to do better, help her. Reese has convinced him that an arrest is the last thing that Carly needs. He can’t imagine why she trusts Sonny, but as a father, he has to respect that. “I just pray to God that Sonny can accomplish that for you. I love you, sweetheart.” A humanized Durant kisses his daughter and leaves. Carly wants to go to bed; she’s tired. “You’re never going to get better staying here with me,” Sonny tenderly tells her. “You can’t send me to Shadybrook! I’ll never survive!” cries Carly. There’s another place, says Sonny. It’s a house with rooms, a beautiful garden...I checked it out myself. “You’re gonna get better and then you’re going to come home to our sons. I know you can do this.” “I’ll try. But I want to say goodbye to Michael and Morgan.” Sonny agrees. She kisses a sleeping Morgan and Sonny then takes her to Kelly’s, where she watches Michael and Grandpa Mike through the window, not sure if she should rock his little world. They then go to Rose Lawn, and Sonny tells her how wonderful it will be there. Dr. Winters and Dr. Kim, the director, come out to greet her. Dr. Kim takes Carly on a tour. Dr. Winters gently tells Sonny it would be best if he just slipped away. He considers her advice, then shakes his head. “I can’t do it. I’m taking Carly home.” He still insists he can take care of her himself. Dr. Winters disagrees. Strongly. “I promised I wouldn’t put her away.” You made a mistake! “But I SWORE!” She requires professional help. “Love her enough to make sure she gets it.” Dr. Kim returns with Carly. She asks Sonny to take her to her room. “I don’t want to be alone.” It’s a beautiful room, nicer than most four-star hotels. Sonny again apologizes for breaking his word. “I love you,” he says, choking back tears as he leaves the room.

Later, Carly unpacks. She places a photo of her boys on the night table. Then she walks to the window and looks out. Contemplating the future?

Jason and Sam arrive home only to find Ric and a couple of muscle-bound suits waiting at the penthouse door. What are you doing here? “Sonny wants 24-hour security posted here,” Ric tells him. Get lost, replies Jason, I don’t work for Sonny any longer. Get rid of them. “Just leave and take the guns with you.” In fact, take my gun, too! Ric walks out empty-handed. Sam makes lunch for Jason, and they playfully joke about her cooking before he leaves to go back to work. “You have become such a smart-aleck!” laughs Sam, as he leaves. Too bad Nuevo Miami Lice (Javier) is hanging out in the hallway. See what turning down a guard or two gets you? “Sam McCall? Javier Ruiz. I’m looking for Jason Morgan.” She throws a bag of garbage at him, no match for the gun he pulls out. “I’m going to give you an opportunity to keep him safe.” She lets him in the apartment. What do you want? Jason saved my life; I want him as my bodyguard. “He works for me or he dies.” Convince him he’s back in the business! “I’m not offering Jason a job. I’m telling him what he has to do.” Just then, Jason enters and pins Ruiz to the wall. “You’re with me or against me, Mr. Morgan, but either way, you’re involved. The only thing that remains to be seen is how...and for how long.” “So, either I work for you or you kill us?” asks Jason. “We understand each other perfectly.” “What do you want me to do?” Jason asks Sam. Javier starts in again and Jason tells him to go away or he’ll take him out. He leaves. There’s only one way out of this,” says Jason. “I have to go back to work for them or I have to disappear. Tell me what to do, Sam, because I’m not going anywhere without you!” Big hug! “How soon can you leave?” he asks. “Tonight.” She just has to go to the bank to settle things with the trust Jason set up for her brother, Danny. Hey, let’s go visit your brother! Maui sounds like paradise! Sam books them a two-bedroom cottage on the beach and a pair of plane tickets. She’s worried, though, because the pattern has always been that when everything seems to be going well, something bad happens. The phone rings. Emily’s in the hospital.

Jason goes to visit his sister and she tells him what happened with Carly. She’s worried about Sonny. Not only does he have to have Carly committed, he has to deal with this Ruiz thing. “You’re my brother, Jason. I want you to be safe and happy.” That’s why I’m leaving town with Sam. Emily doesn’t think he’ll regain his memory if he leaves. Then, of course, there’s the Sonny factor. He needs you! So does Carly! (Is it me, or is it strange to hear Em go all out on Sonny’s behalf?) Jason says thanks, but no thanks, and bids her farewell. Next visit, Monica. Jason tells her that he and Sam are leaving town, and thanks her for respecting him, unlike Alan. She tells him that she love him and is glad that he can now build his life on his own terms. They embrace. He then goes to Greystone and tells Sonny about the visit with Emily. Sonny’s still brooding about having Carly committed. “You should know Ruiz isn’t backing down. In fact, he tried to force me to work for him.” Sonny seems detached from the whole Ruiz thing and even Jason senses that this is not the right reaction. (Meanwhile, Ruiz is telling the other Miami Lice to take out Jason. Tonight.) “When are you leaving?” asks Sonny. Tonight. With Sam. “Good. She’s good for you.” Sonny’s really channeling “The Godfather” at this point! He speaks of the Ruiz family with great insight and understanding, almost like a shrink. Then he wishes Jason well on his journey. “Sonny, I made my choice knowing nothing. At least you can remember what you’re fighting for,” and Jason leaves.

Sonny tells Michael that Carly’s gone away to get help. Now Michael and Morgan can move back to the main house! “What about Jason?” Well, he and Sam have to go away for a while, but he loves you, and he’ll be back. Big hug!

Jason and Sam are packed and ready to leave. Miami Lice are lockin’ and loadin’. The Lice invade Jason and Sam’s penthouse. They’re too late. It’s empty.

“Any regrets?” asks Sam. Yeah, that you booked us in coach! “If we don’t get out now, I’m not sure we ever will,” says Jason as he squeezes into the aisle seat. Sonny chose his business long ago. “We are finally free,” says Sam.

Sam reminisced about the time she made mac and cheese for Jason and managed to both undercook it and burn it at the same time. Hmm...just like “Desperate Housewives”’ Susan Meyer (Teri Hatcher)! A long-lost relative, perhaps? Old family recipe?

A very wise person observed that the title of this column, “Confessions of a Media Ho,” and its content were two very different things. An offer was made: transform the column into a real confessional and share your deepest, darkest, even controversial thoughts about the shows, as well as what’s happening behind the scenes. “Are you sure?” I asked. Yep, just don’t go too far and get us sued! Is it okay to finish up this week’s column and start fresh next week? Absolutely. So, it’s my turn to lock and load, and prepare for the transformation. Get ready for some fun!

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